COB advice for a previous rushee, please

[GiantsChic]

Hey guys, it's me again... I've posted before about my fall 2001 rush experience, and then again for my rush spring 2002 experience... both times, i ended up suiciding and not receiving a bid... it was a hard time for me (both times), but I felt like i've dealt with it all pretty well... so, i also recently wrote about considering rushing again this fall, but i've had some reservations about it... mainly because i'm scared of the rejection (again)... i really want to be part of a sorority, especially one that i like and fit well with, but the whole rushing part is difficult... anyways, i have a new question... i may have the opportunity to go to a COB party at a house that i liked, but never preffed... i would like to go to the COB party and see how it all goes, hoping that the girls would get to know me on a better level, but i'm scared of what they'll think of me because i didn't join a house either semester year, and what happens if i don't receive a bid and decide to rush in the fall? it would be my 4th time visiting that house... i'm just really confused and could use any words of advice/encouragement you guys can offer... i really appreciate it