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Hello!
My chapter was having the EXACT same problems for awhile, and we finally, finally found a solution that worked.
We used to have a fining system, where if you didn't go to something you got a fine. It stopped working even if the fines were huge. So this is what we did. Instead of a point system, we switched to a merit system. You have to have a certain number of merit points to go to fun things like formal, date parties, etc. They earn points by going to things like philanthropies, exchanges, dressing nicely at meetings, etc. That way they can pick what they would like to do without pushing that "mandatory" button all the time. For us, the word mandatory was a total turn-off. It really helped and I hope it helps for you!
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