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Back at the dorm, Erin has dropped out. She is less than pleasant to me, as if it is my fault. Jenn preffed her 3 favorites and had a hard time choosing. She talked to her Rho Chi for a long time and the Rho Chi gave her opinion as to which might be the best fit for her. This shocked me. I didn’t realize how helpful the Rho Chis could be. I had misunderstood their role completely. Shar has also preffed her favorites and is positive that she wants Kerry.
I told Shar and Jenn that I suicided Kilkenny and they are surprised but actually really supportive. Jenn had also picked Kilkenny as her top choice so she could understand the connection I felt there. Shar was surprisingly nice about it. Not that Shar wasn’t usually nice, but she was more superficial, I guess you could say. I remember her hugging me and telling me I would make a great Kilkenny, but she really thought I would choose Limerick.
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Next day, sure enough, the phone rings. It is my Rho Chi and I don’t need to go to the Union because I have not matched. The Rho Chi asks if I want to talk and I just say “no thanks” and act like it is no big deal. She presses, but I can tell that she is very uncomfortable and I actually feel bad for her having to make the call! After I hang up, I wonder how it is possible that there is so much wrong with me that not one of the 22 chapters available wanted me. What a total loser. (At that point I wasn’t thinking of all the chapters that I had voluntarily cut or that I had suicided.) I wondered what I did wrong and how I would deal with the humiliation.
Later that afternoon, our dorm floor was full of screaming sorority members who arrived to put door decs on the new pledges’ doors and pick them up for bid day. Both girls across the hall, Laura and Anne, pledged Cork. I wondered if legacy girl from my group would be their pledge sister? Later that day I wandered down the stairs to take a peek at Jenn’s door. I didn’t want to talk to her and admit my failure, I just wanted to see her door to see if she got a bid. I peeked over and there was a door dec for Kilkenny. I was speechless. It was hard to see someone get a bid to the chapter I wanted so much. I wondered what she was doing with her new sisters right now.
I went back to my room and hung out. Erin came by and I could tell she was secretly thrilled at my situation. While we were talking, the phone rang again and it was someone from Wexford wanting to know if I wanted to join their pledge class. I didn’t even give it the consideration that I should have. I just said “no thanks” and hung up.
The only good news was that Martha would be moving in that evening. I was so worried that she would feel awkward since she is in the very sorority that just rejected me. I decided to be as uplifting and cheerful as possible so she wouldn’t feel bad. It just went unspoken for a few days.
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