Well since everyone took the high road on this one and gave the obvious response, which I might have given myself, I thought I would either not participate, or approach the problem from a different persepective.
Relationships are not just verbal/logical agreements: we are going out, or not going out, dating, not dating, they are also emotional connections/constructs. Most of which is in the mind.
I would be surprised if there are many girls on GC that had never once in their life had a crush on some hottie they never spoke to but walked by everyday, or saw somewhere frequently. You may have even had a cool nickname for him that all your friends would know. Maybe a few of your friends thought he was hot too, and you would talk about whether he made eye contact, how he looked, or if he said something to you. All in your head.
Getting back on track here.
Classic Scenario:
The partner that feels in a power position breaks-up with the other person, either with the infamous
Lets-Date-Others Speech, or the equally infamous
Lets-Just-Be-Friends Talk.
What it really means is the person wants to be free to look for something better while still keeping you in reserve . . .
Now a lot of times both people enter into a secret unspoken emotional agreement. If neither person actually hooks up with someone else, they can both get back together. So usually the person who did the breaking up goes out and does his/her thing while the other person tries to maintain constant contact. The contact itself (phone calls etc) are part of the game because they make it less likely the other person will hook-up because they are still paying attention to their so-called ex partner.
Anyone's head spinning yet?
We have all seen this pattern before and probably therapied our friends through it.
So, alphaxidelta12, while you didn't technically cheat in the letter of the law, but you violated the unspoken expectation/game that you both were playing that damaged the emotional part of the relationship you still had with the guy.
And you are right, it wasn't a healthy one, but it was still there, and you would be foolish to ever date the same guy again.
I'm on your side in the sense that what you did was fine. If a girl breaks-up with me in the morning, she better mean it, because I am going out that night. But, i would never have maintained a pseudorelationship with the person and let myself be strung along. I don't play those games with people.
Oh and lol, he must have been so shocked when you actually hooked up (only kissed? Come on!). Most people that do the breaking up only do it because deep inside they don't think the other person will hook-up with anyone else.
Sorry about the rambling but I feel brain dead for some reason . . . good luck. And trade the idiot in on a newer model with better options and more bells and whistles.
Oh and a final word to the wise: Always trade up.
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