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You can tell her that you extended her courtesies when she was a bride, and if she won't extend you the same, out of fairness and fair play, that you are excusing yourself from your MOH duties and will sit with the family at the ceremony rather than stand up next to her during her vows.
You're still supporting her and sharing in her happy day, but if she won't make the same concessions that you were required to make in the same situation for her, then you will not participate as originally planned.
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