Soror,
Maybe parents can speak to their children when the children begin dating about choosing a life partner in general (and the qualities that the child may want to really look for someday) and about what comes along with marriage (ex: the compromises, sacrifices, good and the bad). A single parent or a married parent could do this. However, any bitter parent needs to be cognizant of the bitterness and not speak of that in a way that gives the child the impression that that is all relationships. Finally, I am employing in my relationship alot of what I learned by watching my parents interact while I was growing up so however, I know that those experiences may be limited or non-existent for someone who grew up with a single parent. Maybe single parents can establish relationships with others of the opposite sex (whether it be a relative or platonic friend) to at least allow the child to see a positive relationship between a man and a woman, which some of our children lack. Married parents might ensure that what their child is exposed to is healthy (b/c, of course, some married relationships are not necessarily good ones to model).
Finally, we should all consider having an older person that has been married for some time as a relationship mentor. I often run issues by a soror who is close to me that has been married for almost 40 years. I put more weight on her word than the word of one of my unmarried friends who may speak from their own limited experiences. There are many sources from which to obtain info. Even reading a self-help book on relationships can be enlightening. A quick read is "How to love a black man" but I think that it is enlightening.
SC
Quote:
Originally posted by unspokenone25
So true...so true.
I'm going to bring a different perspective to the topic. I'm not married (would love to be one day) and it wasn't until I got into an "adult" relationship of three years with my significant other "s.o." that I realized that I was not prepared for everything that an "adult" relationship had to offer. By "adult", I mean what it truly takes to make a relationship work (e.g., the sacrifice of time, money and self). I can honestly say that as much as I love my mother (single mom) for preparing me for my life, she did not totally prepare for me being in a relationship with a man. I had to learn (at almost the cost of my relationship) that there are things that you shouldn't say to your s.o., what disrespect truly means, how sometimes your s.o. has to come before yourself, not to take the past out on your mate, etc.
I could go on ad nauseum but the question is this, can black parents do more to prepare their children for the committment of marriage?
Also, my mother did not have me in the church like she should have at a younger age. Church (or what ever religious institution you choose) gives you lessons on how to deal with people and foster relationships. Church was the reason why so many couples back in the day stayed together. Through the teachings of God, they were able to make it work.
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