the life and times of gay fraternity brothers

[hoosier]

Gay Greek life 101
New book focuses on the life and times of gay fraternity brothers

By KATHERINE VOLIN - Washington Blade
Friday, September 30, 2005


NOT EVERYONE ACKNOWLEDGES this in college, but we all know there are gay men in fraternities. Openly gay or in the closet, they are there living their lives like everyone else.

Shane Windmeyer’s proof is in the publishing of two books on this topic.

Windmeyer, a 32-year-old resident of Charlotte, N.C., came out to his fraternity brothers 11 years ago, while he was a junior at Emporia State University in Emporia, Kan. His positive experience as a gay man in a fraternity led him in 1995 to found the Lambda 10 Project, an educational organization he operates for gay, lesbian and bisexual fraternity and sorority members.

Windmeyer also edited two books on the subject: “Out on Fraternity Row: Personal Accounts of Being Gay in a College Fraternity,” in 1998, and his new book, “Brotherhood: Gay Life in College Fraternities,” which is to be released Oct. 1.

“Brotherhood” examines the roles of homophobic hazing, religion, sexual experimentation, among other topics pertaining to fraternity life. The book is comprised of a collection of first-hand accounts.

Windmeyer is scheduled to read from the new book tonight at Lambda Rising.

Washington Blade: Certainly, some fraternities have the reputation of being homophobic. What made you want to join one?

Shane Windmeyer: Well, I wasn’t out at the time. I was very much in the closet. It was back in 1992 when I actually joined the fraternity. In many ways, subconsciously, I think men joined frats to get rid of their sexuality, to hide their gayness.

I was looking for an opportunity to be normal, to be accepted, so joining a fraternity was probably the most heterosexist thing I could do in college.
Blade: Do you think other gay men join fraternities for the same reasons?

Windmeyer: Oh, definitely. When I first came out, there was definitely a theme of men joining fraternities as a way of coping with their sexuality, of dealing with their gayness. That was part of the denial. Even in my new book, ‘Brotherhood,’ that’s still a [subtle]

theme. However, there are new issues that build on [this] theme.

Blade: What are those new issues?

Windmeyer: Some of the new issues are kind of taboo issues or startling issues that are sort of reminders of where we still are in our society. Many guys rushing now are not hiding their sexuality [and then don’t get in fraternities] because of that gay label.

The other issue, which is prevalent, is that they are outed in the rush process.

The men who rush openly gay, they [tag them with] a gay label; they don’t know him as an individual, as a person, as a gay brother.

The other larger issue that we sometimes forget about is that men ages 18-24 are very sexually active, and there’s no reason why gay men 18-24 are not as sexually active as their straight counterparts.

What if I fall in love with a brother? What if we are sexually active, is that good for the brotherhood?

Those are questions that we need to be dealing with over the next 10 years.

Blade: Kansas has a reputation for being a conservative state. Do you think that environment made it more difficult for you to come out?

Windmeyer: Oh, definitely. I went to school at Emporia State. There were not any out gay people on campus, other than this one guy who was a theater major. He wore this skirt and striped stockings as he biked across campus. He had a little bag that said “Boy Toy” on the side. He was a great guy, but I was like, ‘God, if I’m that, that’s not me.’

Blade: You say that coming out to your fraternity was one of your most rewarding undergraduate experiences. Why is that?

Windmeyer: It really helped me develop as a man, and that’s what fraternities really are about is bringing men together. It helped me understand who I was.

If I had waited until after I left and graduated from college, they wouldn’t have known me as Shane in all my respects.

Luckily for me, my fraternity accepted me without any question. And for1994 that was really something. It’s because of straight men. Straight men are the ones who gave me the respect and pride to be gay today and be proud of that.

George W. Bush was in a fraternity, and granted he was in a fraternity 20 years before I was, but imagine politicians in fraternities with gay men. And fraternities, like it or not, turn out a large degree of our leaders in business and politicians today.

Blade: Are there accounts of gay sexual encounters in the book?

Windmeyer: At the end of the book, we actually asked some questions about sexual experimentation and whether that’s something we should be concerned about. In one chapter, “Questions of Love and Loyalty,” there are six stories that have some steamy accounts of men who fall in love.