Selling Parents to Allow Sorority Membership

[amanda6035]

Yep, I'm the almost Big Sister....

Basically, it's like this: whoever said it hit the nail on the head. They are holding EVERYTHING over her head. The fact that she still lives under their roof and will obey their rules. They at one point were going to let her move into the dorms next semester but are now saying no to that (but who knows what can change in the next 3 months). basically, the fact that they still feed and support her is what is holding her back.

The REASON I joined the military is so that i DIDNT need mom and dad to put a roof over my head and food in my mouth. I found a way to say "I'm doing this, and you cant stop me, because there is nothing you can hold over my head to keep me from surviving." Had I stayed at home, i probably would have gone through something SIMILAR, but mom and dad would have let me have a life too.

The new member basically doesnt have any guts to stand up to her parents and say "This is something i really want to do. Please support me on this." She thinks it is easier to give in to what her mom wants than to challenge her. And I dont necessarily mean REBEL against her mom, but she wont even try to work a compromise out of her mom.

The thing I DONT understand though, is that her mom knew about the sorority in June, when we met her at orientation. SUDDENLY out of nowhere, after she's already joined, her mom is telling her "I dont want you hanging out with those girls, I dont want you out partying and drinking."

First of all, the only "partying" we've done since she joined was to go to Chili's for dinner and a couple of games of bowling on the evening of bid day. We've NEVER taken her to a party, we've NEVER taken her drinking.

Somethign that didnt occur to me, but two of our other members pointed out, is that she might be digging her own grave. Because she hangs out with the guys in one of the fraternities ALOT. She's dating one of them, which is no big deal, mommy has met the guy, but what was brought to my attention is that when mom calls in the afternoon and evening to find out where she is, she very well might be saying "I'm hanging out with the girls" when, in reality, shes not with us, she's with the guys.

Now, I dont know if thats true, but if she is using us as an excuse, and goes home smelling like smoke or whatnot every night, its no damn wonder her mom doesnt like us, and she's digging her own grave.

As Trish mentioned, we're having a family and friends night next week, I hope her parents wont NOT come out of spite, and I hope they will be open minded about it. The chapter president and I are meeting with her today, I've about exhausted everything I can say to her about standing up for herself without necessarily rebelling. I think the pres can pull more out of her cause she'll be more direct about it than I can.

She wants it, I know she does, but she doesnt have the courage to stand up to her mom. She's afraid of being cut off. I dont know. I'm so heartbroken about this, because I busted my butt over the summer recruiting her (yeah, we dont have official panhellenic, I kept in touch with her by email, but I tried to play nice and promote greek life in general in those emails - I cant help that she chose us *wink*) and now that we got her I dont want to lose her. I guess as Trish pointed out, my personality type is "I'm gonna do what i wanna do and if you dont like it screw you" and I just dont understrand how some people cant stand up for themselves.