People asking you when you're going to have kids

aephi alum · #1 03-09-2005, 11:40 AM

Why is it that when you're young, married, female, and childless, people think it's ok to ask you (a) if you're pregnant and (b) when you plan to start having kids??

My team at work is about 1/3 female. As it happens, all the women are young, married, and have no children. One of the women recently announced that she is pregnant.

Yesterday, a group of us went to lunch, and out of the blue, one of my male coworkers asked one of my female coworkers, "So, when do you plan on having kids? My guess is a year, tops." She just sat there. A few seconds later, he apologized and said, "Sorry, that's a personal question."

A few minutes later, another male coworker joined us, and completely independently, he asked the same woman when she planned on having kids. Then he turned to me and asked me when I plan to start having kids!

I waved my hand as if I were going to slap him. What I should have done, is ask him when he plans on having kids.

(He's single.)

As if I don't get enough of this from my mother-in-law

sageofages · #2 03-09-2005, 11:48 AM

When I was expecting my UNanticipated fifth child, I got the "so haven't you figured out how to stop that" and "don't you think 4 was enough" and "are you catholic?" questions...

(yes I know how to stop it that is why we don't have 12, I guess 4 was not enough, Not catholic just loving and passionate)

I say answer honestly...."It is NONE of your business" and leave the questioner embarrassed.

33girl · #3 03-09-2005, 11:52 AM

This can be really hurtful, especially if you've tried to have kids and CAN'T.

I suggest you mention that to any uncouth boor who thinks he/she has a right to ask this question.

AKA2D '91 · #4 03-09-2005, 11:53 AM

Ask them if they are volunteering to serve as a 24/7 babysitter. I'm sure the question will never come up again.

EEKappa · #5 03-09-2005, 12:14 PM

People should know better than to ask about others' family plans, but sadly they don't.

Then there's the mothers of twins who have to endure the "Were you on fertility medication?" question. And the really stooopid one that my co-worker got, upon learing she was expecting a boy and a girl, "Are they identical?"

And isn't it amazing that some people feel it's perfectly okay to put their hands on the stomach of a pregnant woman they don't know? Another co-worker got that a lot.

adduncan · #6 03-09-2005, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
This can be really hurtful, especially if you've tried to have kids and CAN'T.

I suggest you mention that to any uncouth boor who thinks he/she has a right to ask this question.

Big, fat, hairy, cosign.

Pregnancy has turned into a major project for me and Mr. A. Fortunately our families (both sides) know to shut their pie holes on the subject. Now we just have to deal w/ the rest of the world.

-add

ISUKappa · #7 03-09-2005, 12:29 PM

As someone who has had a miscarriage and has quite a few good friends who suffer from various types of infertility, I feel that question is especially tactless and boneheaded. I know people are just trying to make conversation when they ask that (for the most part, anyway!) but it is rather annoying. Thankfully, we haven't had that question many times from family. Many of our friends are currently pregnant or have recently had kids, so everyone's expecting us to be next. I always just say "it happens when it happens, I guess."

Quote:

Originally posted by EEKappa
...
Then there's the mothers of twins who have to endure the "Were you on fertility medication?" question. And the really stooopid one that my co-worker got, upon learing she was expecting a boy and a girl, "Are they identical?"...

Oh my...

aggieAXO · #8 03-09-2005, 12:33 PM

At 33, I still have to deal with-"when are you going to get married?". My father gave me a Christmas card that read " to my daughter and her husband"-I am not sure when I got married -I must have slept in that day. I wish I knew who he was talking about and where this guy is.

Rudey · #9 03-09-2005, 01:17 PM

Feminazi thread alert!

-Rudey

33girl · #10 03-09-2005, 01:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Rudey
Feminazi thread alert!

-Rudey

LOL Rudith, you KNOW that's not me and this crap drives me nuts.

Just look at it this way: the people that ask these questions are being tacky, boorish and stupid. So this is an anti-tacky thread. I know you can get on board with that

.

Rudey · #11 03-09-2005, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 33girl
LOL Rudith, you KNOW that's not me and this crap drives me nuts.

Just look at it this way: the people that ask these questions are being tacky, boorish and stupid. So this is an anti-tacky thread. I know you can get on board with that .

Hey I just like my ladies all pregnant and barefoot.

It's just a matter of preference you see.

-Rudey

valkyrie · #12 03-09-2005, 01:38 PM

When I was married, I can remember being asked that question maybe two or three times -- and people are always so shocked that I don't want to have kids and like to say "You'll change your mind" or "OMGKIDZ are so great!" Whatever. People that stupid deserve to be given a verbal smackdown. My family knows better than to ask such an inappropriate question.

squirrely girl · #13 03-09-2005, 02:02 PM

hell - i'm only 23 and i used to get it ALL THE DAMN time when i worked at a group home - all the older staff just assumed that at 23 that was my life goal, it was almost impossible to explain the concepts of family planning and college to them. ehhh...

- marissa

bcdphie · #14 03-09-2005, 02:26 PM

That question drives my nuts - because my boyfriend and I dated for so long we always got the "when are getting married question" and now that we are getting married I get the "when are you having kids" or "are you planning on having kids" question. Why does getting married mean you to have to start having children - do people think there's nothing else to a marriage - drives me nuts. Our parents know us well and have not asked about grand kids - and friends and acquitances have quickly learned that I will give them the evil stare down if they ask me about kids.

chideltjen · #15 03-09-2005, 02:42 PM

I have a petite figure but my stomach seems to protrude out further than it should because my back is all out of whack. (I'm working on it...)

I've been asked by random people if I'm pregnant. I was even working out at the gym once and this guy passed by and asked "are you having a baby?" and then proceeded to pass by again multiple times, focusing on my stomach.

Sad thing is that I'm at high risk to have a child and probably won't ever have one that way. (YAY for adoption!) But people just have no tact!