the "Talk"

[XOMichelle]

Well, I think the biggest question hasn't been answered. Do you want to be exclusive with him? If you do, and you want to have a realtionship, perhaps you should let him know that (because you really can't have one if he doesn't know). If you don't, or if you think it would be too hard to have one while you are 2 hours away, then drop it.

[James]

Absolutely, makes sense.

IT seems that defining a relationships is way of guilting the person into staying even if the feelings fade or they feel like doing something (someone) else.

A genuine state of the relationship talk would have to happen like monthly to see if both partners still "felt" the same.

Originally posted by ktsnake
She agreed actually. Also, she doesn't have a choice. It takes two to have "the talk". Since she's still around, it obviously didn't bother her too much

As long as I'm still feeling semi-young, I'll never be able to take a state of the relationship talk seriously. I believe that relationships are serious things, but instead of being based on rules, they should be based on mutual respect.

Does that make sense?

[kappa2]

When some women talk about the "The Talk", they mean a 4hour gabfest of "What do you like about me?" "Do you love me?" "Can I call you my boyfriend?" "Do you see us getting married someday?" and all sorts of other crap that tv shows make you think are important. I'm hoping this isn't what you mean.

How about you condense it into the 2 minute version-
"I really care about you and would like to see you exclusively. If you aren't interested, I hope you let me know so that I can move on before it is too late." Then just listen to the answer without getting into anything else.

This really isn't a big talk to have-it is a little thing to just clarify your feelings for each other at the moment.
Don't stress about it-just get it over with.

Hope this helps!

[DolphinChicaDDD]

Originally posted by kappa2
When some women talk about the "The Talk", they mean a 4hour gabfest of "What do you like about me?" "Do you love me?" "Can I call you my boyfriend?" "Do you see us getting married someday?" and all sorts of other crap that tv shows make you think are important. I'm hoping this isn't what you mean.

ABSOLUTLY NOT!!!! Hell, I don't think I even want to get married.

I basically want to know if we are dating exclusively or not.

Here is a second part to the question.... is it wrong to have this conversation over the phone? I say yes, a friend says no. Thoughts?

[valkyrie]

When I refer to "the talk" I'm specifically talking about the discussion as to whether to be exclusive -- which really is a pretty quick conversation to have. In my opinion, unless two people have agreed to be exclusive, either party could start seeing/screwing/whatever someone else at any time and the other person would have no cause to be upset about it. Many, many people in relationships want to know when the expectation of exclusivity arises, which isn't until both people agree to it.

I would never, ever have the discussion over the phone. That's something that should be done in person.

[Kevin]

Originally posted by James
Absolutely, makes sense.

IT seems that defining a relationships is way of guilting the person into staying even if the feelings fade or they feel like doing something (someone) else.

A genuine state of the relationship talk would have to happen like monthly to see if both partners still "felt" the same.

lol

I'd advise couples to do it on the 15th of each month.

[RedHotChiO]

I hate "the talk". I recently had one, and I wouldn't have even done it, except that we had been seeing each other for 2 months, and he told me he thought we were just "hanging out". C'mon just "hanging out"! I "hang out" with the 20 other guys I'm friends with that I don't want to date.

So we decided that we are dating and now he won't return my emails.

[AOIIBrandi]

The talk can be summed up in 4 words, "So what are we?"

-It worked with my husband

[Kevin]

Originally posted by RedHotChiO
I hate "the talk". I recently had one, and I wouldn't have even done it, except that we had been seeing each other for 2 months, and he told me he thought we were just "hanging out". C'mon just "hanging out"! I "hang out" with the 20 other guys I'm friends with that I don't want to date.

So we decided that we are dating and now he won't return my emails.

Then you probably aren't dating

Why corner someone into this when they don't want to be? If you don't like the situation, and you're not at the same place in your life or wanting the same things in a relationship, it's just time to move on.

State of the Relationship talks rarely turn out well -- and if they do, there's always a better way to handle it.

It's very intimidating for the person that is not bringing it up and it's rarely an honest exchange. It's just one trying to placate the other.

[AGDee]

I agree with ktsnake for the most part. I think that in a good, healthy relationship, both parties just go with it and the exclusivity is implied. Nobody is feeling insecure because you're both confident about the other person's feelings. IF your value systems dictate that in order to be sleeping together, you must be exclusive, then that should be communicated before the event occurs. I don't think that has to be done as "the talk". Hopefully you're sharing your belief systems, etc and finding them compatible before you get to that point. I don't think anybody wants that dropped on them and I knew a lot of women who assumed things were exclusive because they were sleeping together and their SO wasn't on the same page and wouldn't have taken them to bed if they knew that exclusivity was implied. I don't think these "exclusively dating" situations mean much anyway. The only real committment is marriage.

Dee

[labeachgrl]

Surprisingly, most of the guys I've dated have made me define the relationship. Until he mentions an exclusive relationship, I assume he's dating other girls and so I date or go with friends to happening places. I got tired of the weirdness of guys if I asked, so I make them define it. Why stop looking for Mr Right if he's only interested in being Mr Right Now?

[Kevin]

Originally posted by AGDee
I don't think these "exclusively dating" situations mean much anyway. The only real committment is marriage.

Dee

That's your personal value system though

[Buttonz]

I hate "The Talk". Lucky for me, my BF made it easy on me....just asked me straight out to be his GF . No, you don't have it online or over the phone, it must b e done face to face. Good luck!

[AGDee]

Originally posted by ktsnake
That's your personal value system though

What I mean by that, is that if you are exclusively dating and you meet someone you want to date instead, you just break up. It isn't as if you owe it to the other person to stay with them forever. I'm divorced twice too, so obviously marriage isn't necessarily forever to me either! But you have to really work harder to get divorced than to just break up with someone.

Dee

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by ktsnake
lol

I'd advise couples to do it on the 15th of each month.

I am reminded of "Beware the Ides of March."

I don't think that I have ever had a "let's define our relationship" talk so I really can't give advice here.