How would you have handled this?

[Bamboozled]

I found myself in the midst of a pretty awkward situation last week and I'm wondering how other people would have handled it. Here's the scenario.... I was talked into hanging out with a group of co-workers after work. They were going to a restaurant pretty close to my house, so I would have looked like I just didn't want to be a part of the "team" if I didn't go. So, we get there and the conversation turns to the origins of our last names and nationality. Now, I was the only black face at the table, so I immediately became uncomfortable. Everyone kind of went around the table saying, "yeah, my mother is dutch, my dad is german.... my last name comes from (fill in the blank). Do y'all know, one of them turned to me and said, "Bamboozled, where is your family from?" Now, this might be an easy question for some of you because your parents, or perhaps even you, moved to this country on their own free will. Not me and mine. My ancestors were brought here as slaves and srtipped of their identities. How the hell should I know where my last name originates? I was caught so off guard that I said the first thing that came to my mind. My hometown. Isn't that ridiculous??? I've been kicking myself ever since. I wish I would have honestly said, "I don't know", or at least, "somewhere in Africa". And to the question, "where does your last name originate?", I wish I had said, "Probably your great-great grandfather."

And slavery has had no lasting affects in this country, huh?

So, what would you have done? Do you think I'm overreacting? Has this ever happened to you?

[btb87]

Soror, I think that was an excellent answer. Maybe you felt silly after saying that, but that should have been their cue to change the subject.

[Ideal08]

No, I don't think that you are overreacting. Yes, this has happened to me before; I was not asked by a white person, but by an Ethiopian man. He was absolutely amazed that I could not tell him where my family orignated. It made me sad.

How would I have reacted? I would have told the truth: that I didn't know. And I would have explained my truth. Yes, I would have said that my last name was probably the last name of a slave owner. I mean, would they really be surprised? They would have been uncomfortable, most likely. But no more uncomfortable than you were with the whole conversation.

[pinkey08]

That's never happened to me before. I would have been caught off guard too. They were trying to include you in the convo so they probably didn't really think before they asked you the question anyway....
________
Iolite Review

[Bamboozled]

Originally posted by Ideal08
It made me sad.

That's EXACTLY how I felt. I wanted to leave. I guess I had never had to articulate it before, so it bothered me more than I would have thought.

Originally posted by pinkey08
They were trying to include you in the convo so they probably didn't really think before they asked you the question anyway....

Yeah, I don't think that is was asked maliciously and I think the faux pas was acknowledged because the conversation was quickly changed. But at that point, I felt so out of place that I just wanted to go home.

[StrangeFruit]

Being that you were caught off guard I think you handled it well.

When I was in college the ladies I worked with used to ask, "Are you sure you're not Angela Davis' daughter." And others likened me to Assata Shakur. That all to say is that I'm very much pro-black.

I have one of those last names that end in "son." I've been told that my peoples were probably the son of such and such; thus the last name.

So that would have been my answer to your keebler (white folks ) colleagues.
Whenever you bring up slavery around white folks they tend to become uncomfortable, but in your case they opened the door. And actually it's a good thing b/c they need to know the affects of it and we need to NEVER FORGET IT.

Although this off the subject, our history is lost with each generation b/c so many of us want to forget it and move on. I digress.

Sistafriend you did good and your not overreacting many of us have to deal with such antics.

[Sugar_N_Spice]

Originally posted by Bamboozled
Yeah, I don't think that is was asked maliciously and I think the faux pas was acknowledged because the conversation was quickly changed. But at that point, I felt so out of place that I just wanted to go home.

Bamboozled, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I agree with Pinky--that someone didn't think before they asked you that question. I would havetold them I I do not know where my name originates, but since I do know where different parts of my family are from, I would've explained a little bit of that. Then I would have changed the subject (ie. I love to travel there someday...have you ever traveled to _____?)...

ETA: When I said different parts of my family, I meant ancestry as well as location.

[OrangeMoon]

Bamboozled you handled it very well. I have never had that happen to me but someone has told me "go back to where you’ve come from?" And they were not talking about my present residence. I told the idiot "Unfortunately I am home and you on the other hand have the pleasure of knowing your origin so you sir go back home." Once again, you handled it very well and were not overreacting. The reality is some us do not know and may never know where our names originate.

I don't know if I am overly sensitive but Roots and Queen scenes keep going through my head.

[lovelyivy84]

My family is from the West Indies, so that is what I would have said. I identify very strongly with my Caribbean roots- it's shaped who I am.

I think that Caribbean Americans have such a different experience. In Jamaica blacks are the majority by far. So when you see someone who is rich, they're black. When you see someone poor, they're black. In politics? (Probably) black. My folks fought for freedom in the hills of Jamaica in the 1600's and sent those Brits packing (not what happened on the island as a whole, but my family is Maroon- this is a history lesson in and of itself that I wont get into here, lol). Regardless of how we got there it is OUR country.

Am I sad that I dont know what part of Africa we sailed from originally? Not really. Because I feel like I have a place. I dont know if other West Indians feel like me, but that is my experience. I just wanted to share, since everyone is talking about how they see it.

[Paradise359]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
My family is from the West Indies, so that is what I would have said. I identify very strongly with my Caribbean roots- it's shaped who I am.

I think that Caribbean Americans have such a different experience. In Jamaica blacks are the majority by far. So when you see someone who is rich, they're black. When you see someone poor, they're black. In politics? (Probably) black. My folks fought for freedom in the hills of Jamaica in the 1600's and sent those Brits packing (not what happened on the island as a whole, but my family is Maroon- this is a history lesson in and of itself that I wont get into here, lol). Regardless of how we got there it is OUR country.

Am I sad that I dont know what part of Africa we sailed from originally? Not really. Because I feel like I have a place. I dont know if other West Indians feel like me, but that is my experience. I just wanted to share, since everyone is talking about how they see it.

I feel you on what you're saying. The same in the Bahamas. We too had white British rule. 90% of the population is black or some variation of black. Our people in power, rich, poor etc. black. One of my friends from the States came home w/ me this summer & we went looking at big houses. And she asked "Any of these people black?" And I said...yeahhhh. That was wierd to me but she was amazed that Black people were running things.

When people ask my name origin I usually go to the island it originates from, not the slavemaster's ancestors. I don't think of the Slavemaster name as my ancestory. So I proberbly would have said the island our name is from. So I very much feel as if the Bahamas is my home & I have no desire to seek elsewhere. Also b/c a lot of our traditions & even my accent is still reminicient (sp?)of my African heritage.

[DELTABRAT]

That's interesting. When I was in Africa I had an interesting discussion with a white guy. He asked me what my ancestry was and I told him "hell if I know. Someplace in Africa, obviously." When I asked him his, he said South Africa. I was like "no, your AN-CEST-ORS" He was like "I'm South African." I was like "No, Ludwig your ancestors HAVE to be Flemish/Dutch...see, my ancestors are African, not yours." Afrikaans is not a traditional African language despite what you've been told, Xhosa, Zulu, Swahili, etc. are. He first swore that Afrikaans was the original language of South Africa and that his ancestry wsa South African. After I repeated what I'd said he was like "I never thought of it that way." I was like "because you have the luxury of not having to. I think about it frequently because I feel disconnected from my ancestry." needless to say, I was pissed.

Bamboozled, I think you handled it well. You were caught off guard and it's a sticky situation having to "play the game, while standing up for what you believe." I think white folks have the luxury of not experiencing the same types of oppression and identity crises that we go through...actually most people here in the U.S. do. Most other people have language and religious traditions that are indigenous to their culture. We have English and Christianity and no link to anything else.

[ladygreek]

Originally posted by Bamboozled
That's EXACTLY how I felt. I wanted to leave. I guess I had never had to articulate it before, so it bothered me more than I would have thought.


Yeah, I don't think that is was asked maliciously and I think the faux pas was acknowledged because the conversation was quickly changed. But at that point, I felt so out of place that I just wanted to go home.

This is what saddens me. SisterGreek you had no reason to feel bad or out of place. Don't ever let them make you feel like that a gain. You are a beautiful Black woman with a stronger history than they will ever know. Believe that!

[SummerChild]

Originally posted by Bamboozled
I found myself in the midst of a pretty awkward situation last week and I'm wondering how other people would have handled it. Here's the scenario.... I was talked into hanging out with a group of co-workers after work. They were going to a restaurant pretty close to my house, so I would have looked like I just didn't want to be a part of the "team" if I didn't go. So, we get there and the conversation turns to the origins of our last names and nationality. Now, I was the only black face at the table, so I immediately became uncomfortable. Everyone kind of went around the table saying, "yeah, my mother is dutch, my dad is german.... my last name comes from (fill in the blank). Do y'all know, one of them turned to me and said, "Bamboozled, where is your family from?" Now, this might be an easy question for some of you because your parents, or perhaps even you, moved to this country on their own free will. Not me and mine. My ancestors were brought here as slaves and srtipped of their identities. How the hell should I know where my last name originates? I was caught so off guard that I said the first thing that came to my mind. My hometown. Isn't that ridiculous??? I've been kicking myself ever since. I wish I would have honestly said, "I don't know", or at least, "somewhere in Africa". And to the question, "where does your last name originate?", I wish I had said, "Probably your great-great grandfather."

And slavery has had no lasting affects in this country, huh?

So, what would you have done? Do you think I'm overreacting? Has this ever happened to you?

Skee Wee Soror

I think that you handled it well and probably could have just also added that it was probably the last name given to your ancestors during the time of slavery. What I usually do is also add where my ancestors originated from in Africa. You know that if your ancestors were brought during the slave trade (as were many Blacks in the US and Caribbean today), your ancestors probably came from West Africa. You could just say that region of Africa if you want to connect all the way back.

B/c my mother is into genealogy, she has done the research but I understand that everyone does not have this kind of information. If you are interested in finding out the sources that she used to track our family ancestry, pm me and I'll be sure to ask her and pm you back.

You did fine sawrah
SC

[BirthaBlue4]

My grandfather had done some research and found out what tribe his great^4 grandmother came from, but never wrote it down, and no one can remember exactly. It was a tribe that began with the letter U, in West Africa. Other than that, I know my last name is English, because his father's grandfather was English and he married a Cherokee (or Choptow) woman. I wonder what they would have said if I'd have said my family is from England lol.

[Professor]

I would have picked up my briefcase and walked right out the damn door.

My mentor says WE should never talk about personal issues with co-workers. Bro. Ward says to stick to topics like sports, the temperture and other non-descript subjects. I've yet to learn the lesson but I'm trying.