Men, Women and break-ups: Its Over vs. Renegotiation

[James]

Ok along the lines of the last topic.

Most men when they break-up, or even when thy arebroken up with, think the relationship is over. I know there are exceptions, but if you ask the average guy what gives after a break-up he will say, its done.

When women break-up or are broken up with, a lot of times it seems like its a prelude to renegotiation.

If I ask the girl whats going on after the break-up, I might get responses like: I don't know, we haven't talked.

Its almost like the break-up is her way, or time to try to work out certain behaviors, and if they don't work out, maybe try and establish a friendship.

But a lot of time it leads to the continuation of an odd quasi relationship, where neither person has totally moved on, they aren't together, but they are kind of mentally into each other still.

Has anyone else noticed this as well? The threads on here seem replete with it.

[GMUBunny]

I'd better be first this time!!!!!


This is another one of those situations that I can relate to. For weeks after Ricky and I broke up, I was hoping for renegotiation. It almost happened (or so I thought) and he just broke my heart all over again.... bastard.

[SmartBlondeGPhB]

Originally posted by James
But a lot of time it leads to the continuation of an odd quasi relationship, where neither person has totally moved on, they aren't together, but they are kind of mentally into each other still.

LOL

You forgot physically still into each other..........

And you already know you were talking about me.

But then he told me today that he missed me.

[AchtungBaby80]

Originally posted by James
Most men when they break-up, or even when thy arebroken up with, think the relationship is over. I know there are exceptions, but if you ask the average guy what gives after a break-up he will say, its done.

Oh, so is that why my ex is still e-mailing and trying to IM me? I think it has more to do with the individual situation. For me, it's over after the breakup.

[sugar and spice]

It completely depends.

I've never had a guy who was completely able to say "It's over." And in many cases, I was the one who decided that things were done with.

I think this may be one of those cases where you're projecting what you do onto the entire male gender, kiddo.

[KillarneyRose]

Once I'm done with someone or something, it's finished and I never step backwards. I prefer to think of the future and not the past.

[starang21]

depends on the girl......i kinda had to get a few things out of my system before i settled down again. so it was over.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose
Once I'm done with someone or something, it's finished and I never step backwards. I prefer to think of the future and not the past.

I'm like that most of the time. I ran into a guy I used to date who really hurt my feelings. When I saw him, I couldn't believe that I ever even went out with him. It reinforced that I am better off with out him. Sometimes looking back is good.

[veemers]

I think you're right for the most part, James. It's a lot easier to remember the few good times that were had than the many not so good times. And when you remember those few little things, you grow hopeful that if you were to get back together, that's how things would always be.

[XOMichelle]

I totally disagree!!

I broke up with my boyfriend and he came back a month and a half later trying to get back together. My mom had the same thing happen. Her boyfriend broke up with her, and once she picked herself up, stopped pining for him, and went out on a few dates, he was calling her ever day saying he was afraid to lose her.

I think men want their girls back the minute they decide to go out with other men. They can't handle not being the alpha dog in the relationship!

[AlethiaSi]

lol- i'd have to say it depends on the situation- sometimes- if i miss the guy and it was mostly his decision to break things off- then i usually think things are open for negotiation- sometimes we do see each other again....

other times- its my decision- and depending on that- i'll see how things are going and if we talk again- its sometimes that weird chance encounter that makes or breaks the negotiation

though- like peaches-n-cream said- looking back is good- for instance- there is this guy i had a massive crush on all through high school- but he stuck around my town after graduation- and still has the same job- has the same friends- etc since then- we got togehter last summer... he broke things off- i was upset- but now i go into the supermarket and order deli meat from his counter- and i can't help but be smug.... i just spent 5 months in europe... and where is he? cutting boars head roast beef.... lol

[adpialumcsuc]

I think I depends on the situation
When my ex and I broke up neither of us were ready for it to be over but neither of us wanted a relationship with each other anymore. It took almost another year before the 2 of actually quit seeing each other any more

[KSig RC]

i don't think it's a guy thing or a girl thing - it's just how it works sometimes.

My girlfriend and I just broke up recently, and we specifically spoke about the need to not play the 'negotiation' game - there were fundamental things that needed to change before our relationship could work.

We were on the same page . . . as per most things, it would have been a severe problem w/out communication and us being on the same page, and i think that's what happens in the situations James is describing.

[swissmiss04]

Renegotiation is not an option. If I break up, there's a reason. If he breaks up, I have too much pride to go back groveling.

[sororitygirl2]

Originally posted by swissmiss04
Renegotiation is not an option. If I break up, there's a reason. If he breaks up, I have too much pride to go back groveling.

AGREED. I do not renegotiate. When it is over, it is over. If we were to be brought back together YEARS down the road by chance, I might change my tune a bit - but never in the forseeable future.