Toxic Relationship with Parents??

absolutuscchick · #1 12-17-2003, 12:50 AM

Ok, I think that the relationship I have with my parents is definitely toxic. If we're together for more than a meal, they start criticizing what i wear, telling me I'm always dressing innapropriately, and generally hounding me about something or another. Consequently, I can hardly spend time with them. Does anyone else have this problem??

edited because: my grammar is atrocious!

MeLikey · #2 12-17-2003, 01:07 AM

No, actually I'm really close with my parents... always have been. They sometimes do little things that annoy me, but then again, they're little things. They're laid back about a lot of things... but also know when to be strict during times that are understandable. They've always been really supportive in everything I've done. Now I'm at a point in my life where I realize they're not going to be around forever, so I need to cherish the time I spend with them.

absolutuscchick · #3 12-17-2003, 03:00 AM

Yea...my parents do do alot of great things for me, but my mom especially always picks on me. I don't know if we'll ever get along well! But me and my dad get along pretty well....they just sometimes don't realize how toxic they are acting!!

sugar and spice · #4 12-17-2003, 04:57 AM

It comes and goes. There was a while where I could only get along with them if we were living in different states. Fortunately now things are starting to get better.

Jill1228 · #5 12-17-2003, 05:29 AM

Toxic? Uhhhh toxic is an understatement and I have therapy bills to prove it!

Edited to add: My family is so dysfunctional that it ain't funny!

I am SO glad that I live 3000 miles away from my mother (she is in Southern Virginia). I keep her at arms length (or further). My parents are divorced (been divorced wince I was 7) and I now have no contact with my ex-father who lives in Philadelphia. After he dissed me and didn't come to my wedding that was the {b]LAST[/b] straw (of many straws)

aephi alum · #6 12-17-2003, 10:05 AM

My parents could be pretty toxic... sounds like yours are worse, though. Basically, my parents had a hard time accepting that I was an adult and that I had the right to make my own decisions about my life and that those decisions wouldn't necessarily agree with my father's Grand Plan.

Our relationship got better when that sank in, but I was about 25 and married for a couple years before that happened...

Just remember that you're an adult and you have the right to make your own decisions.

Eirene_DGP · #7 12-18-2003, 10:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by aephi alum
My parents could be pretty toxic... sounds like yours are worse, though. Basically, my parents had a hard time accepting that I was an adult and that I had the right to make my own decisions about my life and that those decisions wouldn't necessarily agree with my father's Grand Plan. Our relationship got better when that sank in, but I was about 25 and married for a couple years before that happened...

Just remember that you're an adult and you have the right to make your own decisions.

Yeah I am going through that now and my parents have a hard time believing I am entitled to my own opinion and there are more views on the world than their own. Just to give you a hint..they still hold a lot of views of the *deep south* which I don't particularly care for.

PhiPsiRuss · #8 12-18-2003, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by absolutuscchick
Yea...my parents do do alot of great things for me, but my mom especially always picks on me. I don't know if we'll ever get along well! But me and my dad get along pretty well....they just sometimes don't realize how toxic they are acting!!

Have you told them how you feel?

absolutuscchick · #9 12-18-2003, 01:30 PM

of course I have!!!

it's ok though...I see them in therapy once a week to work out any problems...

AchtungBaby80 · #10 12-18-2003, 01:50 PM

absolutuscchick, I can definitely relate...my mom is awesome but I've always had trouble with my stepdad. He sounds a lot like your parents, actually--very critical, very controlling. He's that way with everyone else in the family and we are all constantly walking on eggshells so that we won't inadvertently say something and make him explode, but with me there's the added bonus that he doesn't like the fact that I still have a relationship with my father. Did I mention he loves holding grudges?? It's really sad because he can be the absolute nicest person you would ever meet and he has done a lot for me (financially and opportunities-wise), but the other side of his personality is equally atrocious. I can't really give you any advice because I haven't figured out how to fix this either.

However, one of the psychologists I used to see recommended a book called "Toxic Parents"...I never read it, but she thought very highly of it. I don't know who the author is, but you could probably do a search and find it easily enough if you're interested.

decadence · #11 12-18-2003, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Oriignally posted by AchtungBaby80:
... However, one of the psychologists I used to see recommended a book called "Toxic Parents"...I never read it, but she thought very highly of it. I don't know who the author is, but you could probably do a search and find it easily enough if you're interested.

I believe it might have been Dr. Lillian Glass?

Peaches-n-Cream · #12 12-18-2003, 07:21 PM

I find that if I don't take criticism personally, it doesn't hurt me. I also know that sometimes it is easier to go along with what parents want in order to get along with them. I am not saving compromise yourself. If you know it drives your parents crazy when you wear something, don't wear it when you are going to see them. If they prefer you in more conservative clothes, dress conservatively. Don't give them any ammunition. It won't solve all of your problems, but it might help. Good Luck!!!!!

Jill1228 · #13 12-20-2003, 01:37 PM

The author is Dr. Susan Forward. I have the book and it is good!

Quote:

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
absolutuscchickHowever, one of the psychologists I used to see recommended a book called "Toxic Parents"...I never read it, but she thought very highly of it. I don't know who the author is, but you could probably do a search and find it easily enough if you're interested.

Dionysus · #14 12-20-2003, 01:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by decadence
I believe it might have been Dr. Lillian Glass?

Her book is "Toxic PEOPLE", which does touch toxic relationships with parents. The book is good in identifying toxic relationships, but not so good in showing how to deal with them...IMO.

James · #15 12-20-2003, 02:33 PM

They are toxic. . . get rid of them. whats so hard to understand? When someone causes you grief . . . you disasociate.

Quote:

Originally posted by Dionysus
Her book is "Toxic PEOPLE", which does touch toxic relationships with parents. The book is good in identifying toxic relationships, but not so good in showing how to deal with them...IMO.