4 basic needs of a man

[Love_Spell_6]

Ladies...

Within the last week..I've had two brothers mention to me that the women they are running into either CANNOT cook or don't want to cook for them... as a result, one brother broke off an engagement and the other goes to his ex's house to get a good meal... He said although he works as a chef and admittedly cooks better.. he still wanted to walk through the door and smell some food cooking when he got home. We also talked further and he said that he doesn't know what women don't understand...that men have a few basic core needs which are
1) Sex 2) Home Cooked Meals 3) Time Away or with the boys 4) NOt to talk all the damn time!

My question to GC.., is it fair to expect women to have dinner prepared every night, although they are working the same number of hours sometimes as a man?? Do you think the needs of a man are this simple?? And if so...do we feel we're fulfilling them??

[lovelyivy84]

Every relationship is different, and every couple makes their own accomodations.

I personally would do dinner every night if he washed the dishes afterwards- I like cooking much more than cleaning up!

I don't think it's fair to expect the woman to work and do all housework as well, there has to be some equitable split of household income and duties in every couple.

It's just that the idea of 'equitable' changes from person to person.

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
Ladies...

Within the last week..I've had two brothers mention to me that the women they are running into either CANNOT cook or don't want to cook for them... as a result, one brother broke off an engagement and the other goes to his ex's house to get a good meal... He said although he works as a chef and admittedly cooks better.. he still wanted to walk through the door and smell some food cooking when he got home. We also talked further and he said that he doesn't know what women don't understand...that men have a few basic core needs which are
1) Sex 2) Home Cooked Meals 3) Time Away or with the boys 4) NOt to talk all the damn time!

My question to GC.., is it fair to expect women to have dinner prepared every night, although they are working the same number of hours sometimes as a man?? Do you think the needs of a man are this simple?? And if so...do we feel we're fulfilling them??

[UpPinkies]

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
Ladies...

Within the last week..I've had two brothers mention to me that the women they are running into either CANNOT cook or don't want to cook for them... as a result, one brother broke off an engagement and the other goes to his ex's house to get a good meal... He said although he works as a chef and admittedly cooks better.. he still wanted to walk through the door and smell some food cooking when he got home. We also talked further and he said that he doesn't know what women don't understand...that men have a few basic core needs which are
1) Sex 2) Home Cooked Meals 3) Time Away or with the boys 4) NOt to talk all the damn time!

My question to GC.., is it fair to expect women to have dinner prepared every night, although they are working the same number of hours sometimes as a man?? Do you think the needs of a man are this simple?? And if so...do we feel we're fulfilling them??

Well, looks like I will never get married. I don't like to cook and maybe that is because I not a very good cook. I am not the type that after a hard days work to sit up in the kitchen with the stove burning. So it depends on individuals. I don't like to cook, but I like to have meals cooked for me. I think it is very sexy for a man to burn in the kitchen and that is what I am looking for.

Also I would like a man to understand my basic core needs and a man to meet my needs.

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by UpPinkies
Well, looks like I will never get married. I don't like to cook and maybe that is because I not a very good cook. I am not the type that after a hard days work to sit up in the kitchen with the stove burning. So it depends on individuals. I don't like to cook, but I like to have meals cooked for me. I think it is very sexy for a man to burn in the kitchen and that is what I am looking for.

Also I would like a man to understand my basic core needs and a man to meet my needs.

I hear ya UPpinkies....

but isn't this what men talk about when they discuss the "new" women of today?? They don't cook, clean, etc.. Back in the day, women took care of their men..whether they thought it was fair or not that they had to cook after working all day..

I'm not being critical..just curious as to what you think...

[abaici]

Men are always complaining about this! I mentioned to one of my friends that it's time for me to figure out what desserts I plan on cooking for Thanksgiving dinner. I also, told him, I will send him a little something sweet in the meal. He was overwhelmed! He then stated, the quickest way to ed a relationship is to ask a woman to cook. I had to laugh, because he's right!


I personally love to cook. However, it's difficult to do when you work full-time. I'm with Soror Lovely, if I cook and he washes the dishes, we are cool. Otherwise, if he wants a home-cooked meal everyday of the week and a spotless house, that means I do not work outside the home. I'm not trying to be Superwoman...later for that!

[lovelyivy84]

Originally posted by abaici



I personally love to cook. However, it's difficult to do when you work full-time. I'm with Soror Lovely, if I cook and he washes the dishes, we are cool. Otherwise, if he wants a home-cooked meal everyday of the week and a spotless house, that means I do not work outside the home. I'm not trying to be Superwoman...later for that!

Exactly. No woman can or should do everything. It is not only unfair, it would put a lot of stress on the relationship.

I think the whole point in the past was that most women DIDN'T work outside the home so they could be happy homemaker. That is not unfair in my eyes. If you make the choice to stay at home then you still have to uphold certain responsibilities, and those include taking care of that home.

And really, it doesn't matter what happened in the past. It's 2003 and societies are different, gender relations are different, etc. Saying how it used to be really can't be expected to have much to do with the way it is now.

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84

I think the whole point in the past was that most women DIDN'T work outside the home so they could be happy homemaker. That is not unfair in my eyes. If you make the choice to stay at home then you still have to uphold certain responsibilities, and those include taking care of that home.

I don't know if that was true in the south back in the day. All of the women in my family (both sides) as far back as I can go, have worked outside the home--even if it was "just" taking in wash for "other" folks (and this was prewashing machine days. i hate to do laundry NOW so I can't even imagine!). EVen with working outside the home, most men did not do anything inside the house. Their domain was the yard, cars, house repairs, etc. EVeryday cooking and cleaning was the woman's/children's work.

Like abaici, I ain't trying to be no superwoman. My husband and I share household duties. He doesn't cook (because he's pretty bad at it), but he will play sous chef (sp?) for me. He also typically washes the dishes when I cook. Several years ago he told several of his female coworkers about our arangement and the 'bout had a cow. They could not believe that I would "make" my husband wash dishes after he had been at work all day. HELLO!!! I have a little thing they call a job too, ya know!

[UpPinkies]

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
I hear ya UPpinkies....

but isn't this what men talk about when they discuss the "new" women of today?? They don't cook, clean, etc.. Back in the day, women took care of their men..whether they thought it was fair or not that they had to cook after working all day..

I'm not being critical..just curious as to what you think...

Yes, back in the day some women took care of men, but they also took care of the finances, kids, home, etc. I don't know if this happened in every family, but my grandmother and her kids (my father and aunt) talk about how she held everything down in the house. When my grandfather came home when it was payday that check went from his hands to hers and she would give him his allowance because Pop like to spend his money like water.

But AA women are taking on more untraditional roles. During Skee-week at my university I attended a financial informational. AA women are more likely to have checking accounts, homes, money in stocks, and do more wise financial planning then our AA males and I just through that this was sad. Some of our AA males focus so much of their money on clothes, cars, and what they see the rappers on t.v. have that they forget that these things are for the here and now, but an investment can last forever. But then I understand the history behind AA women being more money smart.

But PLEASE don't expect me to also bring home the bacon and cook it to everyday. Again, if they want someone to cook and clean for them, then they also have to bring something to the table.

[9dstpm]

I cook at our house but that means that Hubby is doing the following: helping our son with homework and the usual nightly rituals of getting a bath, getting clothes laid out for school the next day along with getting his backpack together and cleaning up after dinner. This also means that when I work 3rd shift at the agency, either we have take-out or Hubby cooks. I wish he would ask me to cook after I've been at the agency all night dealing with other folk's kids and the 5-0 and CPS.

Also Hubby cleans up house better than I ever could so I get out of his way when he gets one of his cleaning fits. All I ask is that he leave my books and stuff ALONE!! I do the laundry because I don't mind getting up at the crack of dawn to beat the senior citizens to the laundry room.

Hubby gets what he needs because he gives me what I need as well. Neither one of us expects the other to do everything all the time, that's not fair and it's detrimental to the spirit of a marriage partnership/friendship.

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84

And really, it doesn't matter what happened in the past. It's 2003 and societies are different, gender relations are different, etc. Saying how it used to be really can't be expected to have much to do with the way it is now.

I agree with you here...but what about when we (women) say its 2003 and things have changed...but we still expect men to do "traditional" stuff such as take the garbage out, fix things around the house, pump the gas, cut the grass etc.. Should we also get up on a Saturday morning and rake leaves, cut grass, or shovel snow???

What do you think??

[lovelyivy84]

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
I agree with you here...but what about when we (women) say its 2003 and things have changed...but we still expect men to do "traditional" stuff such as take the garbage out, fix things around the house, pump the gas, cut the grass etc.. Should we also get up on a Saturday morning and rake leaves, cut grass, or shovel snow???

What do you think??

The simple fact of the matter is that a lot of women are single and staying single in this day and age. IT's not really fair to say we women expect that, or even most women expect that. A single woman who owns the house looks to no one but herself to complete those tasks. And it's not an uncommon situation.

In terms of a marriage, once again it's about equity. For some people, maybe the man will feel more comfortable doing the yardwork. Some couples do the yardwork together. Or they pay someone else to do it. It's about a balance- I doubt that the man who does ALL the yardwork is also expected to shoulder ALL the cooking or ALL the childrearing, etc.

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by Love_Spell_6
is it fair to expect women to have dinner prepared every night, although they are working the same number of hours sometimes as a man??

I just had to comment on this...

Each couple has to come to their own arrangement as to who will do what chores. There are many more chores around the house than cooking... there's cleaning, taking out the trash, making the beds, minding the kids, mowing the lawn, shoveling snow, keeping the books, car maintenance, etc.

Things fall apart when men expect women to do all or most of those things simply because they're women. My parents are a perfect example. They both worked hard, same hours, same type of work, same commute. (They're retired now.) When they got home, my father would flop down in front of the TV and turn on the news or the game while my mother prepared dinner. After dinner, my father returned to the couch while my mother cleaned up. I helped as I could, but there was only so much I could do, especially when I was little.

I asked my dad once why he didn't at least help clean up. He said, "I work hard for a living." I was like, and Mom doesn't???

My husband and I split the chores a little more equitably. I cook most nights, and he does the dishes. It works well, since I love to cook and he's a neat freak.

Of course, if a woman (or a man, for that matter) makes the choice to be a homemaker, she is signing on to do most or all of the chores, and she should not be surprised when her family expects a home-cooked meal most nights.

[LadyNRed]

Sounds like this brother needs a reality check. No, I'm not going to cook and clean up behind you, unless you ain't able. Really though, his momma may have done it and maybe some other woman that he came across, but guess what....um' not dem. My husband cook, does the dishes, cleans the house and works. Now don't get me wrong, I do it sometimes, but if my job keeps me later than his does, then guess who does the housework the one who arrives home first. This is not the 20th Century, that's gone. Sistas can do bad by-themselves. Now where does this leaves this poor puppy, of a man.
He needs to wake up, and whomever this fiancee' is needs to know that he just needed an excuse to go back to his ex'. Girl that's some mess!!!

LadyNRed,

"shoulders straight, chin up, and knocking dead"REALITY!!!

[ShiningStar83]

And the church said...............................AMEN!!!

[Love_Spell_6]

Originally posted by LadyNRed
Sounds like this brother needs a reality check. No, I'm not going to cook and clean up behind you, unless you ain't able. Really though, his momma may have done it and maybe some other woman that he came across, but guess what....um' not dem. My husband cook, does the dishes, cleans the house and works. Now don't get me wrong, I do it sometimes, but if my job keeps me later than his does, then guess who does the housework the one who arrives home first. This is not the 20th Century, that's gone. Sistas can do bad by-themselves. Now where does this leaves this poor puppy, of a man.
He needs to wake up, and whomever this fiancee' is needs to know that he just needed an excuse to go back to his ex'. Girl that's some mess!!!

LadyNRed,

"shoulders straight, chin up, and knocking dead"REALITY!!!

LadyNRed yes I think you are right in just that he's using the "cooking" thing as an excuse to get back in the presence of his ex....

I'm all for equality in the home...but I aint shoveling the snow in the winter time! Call me traditional...but I'll cook ya meal and clean up after ya...but the garbage and yard work is on the brotha!