Cheating Husband???

[adpialumcsuc]

This just sounds way to creepy to me. I am a very trusting person bit I know if something like this happened to me I would change that code right away. I might not mention it to them and then one day tell them it was changed because strange things were happening.
Doesn't sounds like he would every do anything to hurt anyone, but just the fact that he is entering the house with out any ones person or knowledge is wrong

[swissmiss04]

Well, as my mother always said "You don't try to hide things that don't need to be hidden". If said guy is just maybe borrowing your computer for a midday stock update or something, then why on earth wouldn't he just say "Wendi, is it cool if I come use your computer to check my stocks during the day?" I'd agree to it. But the fact that he's hiding it not only from his wife but from you guys as well (and he's USING your computer in YOUR house) leads me to believe that something is rotten in Denmark. I'd say just go ahead and lock this guy out. You're a far more tolerant person than I. Looks like he needs to face his problems and you should not enable him to continue hiding them. You are in such an awkward position but I'd say you're handling it well.

[valkyrie]

I'm guessing that even if you told the wife, she might or might not believe you and might or might not care. Your first duty isn't to her -- it's to yourself and your home. I wouldn't want to wait to see what he is doing on my computer. I would want his butt out of my house NOW. The fact that he thinks it's okay to go into your house without you knowing indicates that he's more than a little creepy, as does the fact that he has obviously been there while you've been home without you knowing it. I would change all the codes/locks/anything and I would really think twice about being friends with him. He sounds like a creep of the highest order.

[James]

Unless your hubby knows and just never mentioned it? There is a guy code sometimes .. .

Originally posted by alphagam-alum
You are right, I never would have thought he would come into my house without my permission. This is my best friend (since 8th grade and her husband)--we are neighbors, they had my garage door keypad code for emergencies and such. You are right, most trusted people would use the information for only such cases-- never in a million years would I think he would just come into my house.

-wendi

[winnieb]

Originally posted by James
Unless your hubby knows and just never mentioned it? There is a guy code sometimes .. .

Yes, I am aware of the guy code.... but my husband and I have had numerous arguments over the computer. I have repeatedly told him I don't care if he is looking at porn (really i don't care, i probably look at more porn than most). But I told him he needs to be careful with what is getting downloaded and the sites that are being looked at. He tells me it is not him--and a loud argument begins.
So while guy code is always present, I am confident that my husband won't take the blame and listen to me bitch when he knows the neighbor is the real problem.

And I just talked to my hubby. He was very laid back abut the whole thing. After me explaining why it bothered me. He said he would talk to the neighbor tomorrow, which I don't want. I know, at this point, it will all get blamed on me. So, we decided to give it 2-3 weeks, monitor the chat recorders and the keyloggers, after we have some evidence we will change the garage door code, etc.

I am hoping my husband does not say anything to them until I can get some dirt on him.

-wendi

[Optimist Prime]

I wouldn't want to cheat

I want a happy marriage, where we stay up all night snorting coke.

[bethany1982]

Originally posted by Optimist Prime
I wouldn't want to cheat

I want a happy marriage, where we stay up all night snorting coke.

Snorting coke is a sign of a happy marriage?

[lovelyivy84]

Well I can't judge your situation, since I'm not being faced with anything similar, but it seems like you're making this kinda dramatic.

It is never a good idea to involve yourself in another couple's relationship. I don't care how good friends you are, you end up regretting it.

Putting ina keyblogger and monitoring what her husband is doing just seems like a bit much to me- I know you want to be helpful, but that is sooo invasive, and even if he is not cheating, you might find out things that are NOT your business, and that you never wanted to know about your friend or her husband.

Like I said, I cant judge cause it ain't me, but I think you would be wiser to just put in a new password for your internet acccounts and make sure that EVERYONE in your house knows that he is not to have it.

[KSig RC]

don't record the guy's chats or whatever.

That is absolutely, 100% throwing yourself into the middle of things; if he's 'e-cheating', are you going to tell the wife? No? Then WHY log his activities?

If, as you claim, the violation of your space is the issue, just password-protect your PC, and change the garage door code. The guy has no rights to your space if you don't want him there.

If, as I suspect, you're more hung up on the cheating aspect . . . then you've just inserted yourself into anything that comes out of it, whether it be his cheating, or his leather and studs fethish, or whatever comes out of your keylogging.

I wouldn't want to know, either way, I'd just want him off my shit.

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
Putting ina keyblogger and monitoring what her husband is doing just seems like a bit much to me- I know you want to be helpful, but that is sooo invasive, and even if he is not cheating, you might find out things that are NOT your business, and that you never wanted to know about your friend or her husband.

I respectfully disagree. Invasive doesn't even come close to describing his actions of sneaking into the house when nobody is home and nobody knows he's doing it. Anything he is doing on her computer is her business. He made it her business when he decided to sneak his creepy azz into her house to play on the computer.

That said, I really don't see the point of waiting and monitoring his computer activity. Why do you need evidence? Evidence of what? You already know he's coming into the house, and I think that's all the evidence you need to put a stop to it immediately. The rest is between him and his wife.

[lovelyivy84]

Originally posted by valkyrie
I respectfully disagree. Invasive doesn't even come close to describing his actions of sneaking into the house when nobody is home and nobody knows he's doing it. Anything he is doing on her computer is her business. He made it her business when he decided to sneak his creepy azz into her house to play on the computer.

While I see your point, I just see a lot of potential for this blowing up in her face. She has every right to ensure her own privacy and make sure that he doesn't enter her home without her knowledge, but I don't think that is best done by snooping into his affairs.

She needs to stay out of this shady business as much as possible.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I am not sure about monitoring his activity on your computer. I think that you should change the the garage code and the passwords on your computer. Just do what you need to do in order to make sure he doesn't have access to your home and computer.

[Lady Pi Phi]

I don't think you should wait 2-3 weeks to confront him. You know he's been in your house without your permission, confront him now.

Tell him you know he's been in your house and on your computer without your permission and he is no longer welcome.

Don't tell him you know he's been downloading porn (whether you do or not), if he has been doing something he shouldn't, he'll get really nervous anyway.

So just go ahead and change the codes and passwords and tell him he's not welcome in your house anymore.

I wouldn't even tell your friend you changed all your codes and passwords. If you feel someone should have them in case of emergencies, give them to someone else you trust.

[winnieb]

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
Well I can't judge your situation, since I'm not being faced with anything similar, but it seems like you're making this kinda dramatic.

It is never a good idea to involve yourself in another couple's relationship. I don't care how good friends you are, you end up regretting it.

Putting ina keyblogger and monitoring what her husband is doing just seems like a bit much to me- I know you want to be helpful, but that is sooo invasive, and even if he is not cheating, you might find out things that are NOT your business, and that you never wanted to know about your friend or her husband.

Like I said, I cant judge cause it ain't me, but I think you would be wiser to just put in a new password for your internet acccounts and make sure that EVERYONE in your house knows that he is not to have it.

I am not going into HIS house and nosing around-- he is in MY house---therefore, I am not being invasive--HE is, not me!!!!
If he doesn't what me to know something then he shouldn't be in my house doing whatever--he should keep his sh!t in his own home, on his own computer.

And you are right, you are not in my position--- but step back and look at it from my point of view---- someone is entering my house (the house I own and pay the mortgage on) without my permission or knowledge and making a point of hiding the fact he is here. I have every right to know what is going on in my house--regardless of who is doing it! Ultimately I will be held responsible for anything that happens from my home.

-wendi

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I still think that your best course of action is to keep him out of your house.