Is it JUST me

[De6]

Is it just me or when you got your first taste of independnce your folks started getting on your nerves.I do NOT mind being kind and giving what I can,but it is messed up when I work hard all summer and have NOTHING to show for it.Grant it,anything I need they pretty much have or will give,but why do people feel that you owe them?I understand that I should give willingly,but if I don't or I can't why should I get the guilt trip.(If you don't want to give it fine,don't ask me for nothing else,I don't like funny acting people,I can't believe that after all I have done for you this is how you are going to act,etc)

- There is more,but I will let you all chew on this and let me know how you feel.

[Dionysus]

Why did you change the topic? lol. I was going to answer. My folks did the same thing. Later on they told me it was just a test of my character and generousity.

[AKA_Monet]

Why are disappointed?

The fact that you worked all summer long and did not save for later, or the fact that your parents are not giving you what you need when you want it when you worked all summer long?

I'm just unsure how to answer your question...

[RedefinedDiva]

Originally posted by AKA_Monet
Why are disappointed?

The fact that you worked all summer long and did not save for later, or the fact that your parents are not giving you what you need when you want it when you worked all summer long?

Just to add on:

Is it that your parents may have been in a bind and you worked all summer long without at least putting in on the phone bill, etc.? Or could it be that they have provided for you all this time and when they come to you for one thing, you act like a brat?

[Senusret I]

I can understand this.....my family has a tendency to make plans with my money as well.

"So, did that refund check come in yet?"

How YOU know about my refund check? That is supposed to be used for EDUCATIONAL expenses, like my crossing jacket and loc maintenance.

[Afrochic]

Originally posted by De6
I did NOT have a chance to save...they were always asking for money.Although,I was able to get my school supplies.I told them that I do NOT mind giving,but when you make plans with my money I get mad.They knew what I was working for.I do NOT expect them to do anything for me...I have learned my limitations with them.The only one I really expect things from is my mother.If I ask and you do fine,if I ask and you don't do,fine.How would you feel if when you went shopping someone EXPECTED you to buy them what they wanted?My thing is,they gamble and do what they want with their money and ask me to give them money for things THEY should be taking care of.Then,if I feel that I should NOT have to pay for their mistakes,I get the whole guilt trip thing.I understand that we all have our rough times,but I refuse to fall into the pattern that have chosen to follow.I will NOT be in a financial bind my last year of high school.If I have my own,I don't have to worry about begging others,especially my family.I have simple needs and wants...I like the better things in life,but I do NOT loose my mind.Like I said,my needs and wants are pretty much met.It's just that I do NOT know how to handle my family when it comes to money.

So why don't you go to your family and speak with them like you vented here in your post?

Remember, the ounce of money you had on a summer job doesn't compare to the money your parents spend on you for everyday living.

In the words of Judge Mathis, "Life is rough, you gotta make due."

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by De6
I did NOT have a chance to save...they were always asking for money...My thing is,they gamble and do what they want with their money and ask me to give them money for things THEY should be taking care of.Then,if I feel that I should NOT have to pay for their mistakes,I get the whole guilt trip thing.I understand that we all have our rough times,but I refuse to fall into the pattern that have chosen to follow.I will NOT be in a financial bind my last year of high school.If I have my own,I don't have to worry about begging others,especially my family.I have simple needs and wants...I like the better things in life,but I do NOT loose my mind.Like I said,my needs and wants are pretty much met.It's just that I do NOT know how to handle my family when it comes to money.

Sweetheart, you have got more issues than meets the eye...

Firstly, based on your statements--are you telling us that your parents ask you for money because they gamble theirs away? How are they gambling theirs away enough to want to ask their daughter for any kind of money--summer money--c'mon, were your really pizzaid this summer???

What I am unable to glean from your statements are:

Are you folks asking you to pay your fair share of household expenses as they allegedly gamble off their assets? If that's the case, then move out and live on your own--God blesses the child that's got his or her own...

Or are your folks telling you that your job don't mean isht and you would want to pay up??? That requires some folks that are licensed clinical social workers or psychologists--because what are your trying to say your folks are doing??? Either your statements are of a spoiled brat, or your folks got issues that go beyond what you are telling us... Your money technically ain't yours unless you pay taxes on the isht... Meaning YOU filled out the W-2 and YOU fill out the 1040EZ form yearly... Not Mommy filling it out, but you!!! The money you make has to accounted for by the government unless you live on your own... So... You need to decide how you choose to grow up or not...

Here are some suggestions, IMHO, you can work through your situation:

Basically, you can lock your funds up in a nice certificate of deposit--CD. For most banks you need at least $500 to $1000 to start a CD and no body can touch it until 1-10 years later--whatever you set it up as. However, this bank I have a few CD's at only asks for $100 deposit but the interest rates are extremely low per year... So, in essence you don't make money, but you will lock your funds up and you don't have "emergency money" access...

Another idea is to invest your funds in small items first... Such as mutual funds, bonds, T-bill and may some other safe portfolios... Then you can advance to small big ticket items like a Ford Focus--or whatever... For now, you have no assets. And you are living day to day. Your disposability is huge, because you owe nobody anything.

You folks can't ask you for money unless they plan to steal it from you when you lock up your funds...

Then why hasn't anybody told you to GET your own bank account and set aside your funds in whatever way your desire... Where is anybody's financial responsibility... Like Ujama was totallly missed on reality... The first job I got, my mom took me to the Credit Union and helped me fill out the paperwork to open my first little account. And ever since then, I add my little money to it...

That's is all I can see for now.

[btb87]

Granted, you may not be obligated to help them, but think about this. . .they're paying for the phone, lights, food, etc., stuff that you probably take for granted. Now if they're gambling their money away, that's one thing, but if they're in a tight spot (and unfortunately, some people seem to stay in a tight spot) then I think (and this is just my opinion) that you would want to help out.

Also, this is just giving you a taste of what's awaiting you in THE REAL WORLD! Many people go to work every day and at the end of the pay period, don't have enough money to splurge on a little item, which for them may be a luxury item (cologne, nails, hairdo, etc.). And as AKA_Monet said, it appears that you have more issues than meets the eye. . .

Wish you the best. Being an adult is not easy!

[AKA_Monet]

Beloved De6:

Since you are young and many of us here are over the age of 30 and pay mortgages well over the $100,000 dollar range, then maybe God is trying to tell you something when you decided to post something as serious as you did on such a public forum.

Sweetheart, it says in the Bible about the men and the talents and the one who buried his... Well, that would be the one I would follow if I were in your situation.

Many of us here on the forum and I think I can speak to most of the 30+ year olds and definitely most of my Sorors, know what hard financial times look like. We have children ourselves, we have husbands and significant others, we have car payments out the yin yang and we have tax payment like you cannot believe!

But there are my Sorors here many of them CPA and Financial Advisors that watch this board on their free time. I definitely believe that they can somehow direct you into some kind of path you seek...

Otherwise, why would God even prompt in your mind to post a topic such as this? What kind of help were you looking for? If you cannot take sound financial advice from those who have Ph.D.'s in Economics and Finance--moreover, those folks who are CFO's and CEO of Fortune 500 companies, then are you trying to bury the idea that God allowed into your head? Really, don't you think that if God did not what that thought to ask the folks on Greekchat about how to deal with finances and your family to occur into your head, He would have never allowed it to enter into your mind?

See you are extremely young and you are freaking out about things that maybe are beyond your capabilities to grasp right now. All you are seeing is what you want to do. To a 40 something year old parent or a 50-60 something year old grandparent, that is childish... They are not hearing you and let me tell you why:

YOU ARE NOT MAKING SENSE TO US!!! THE FOLKS ON GC!!! SO HOW DO YOU THINK YOU ARE MAKING SENSE TO YOUR FOLKS???

If your aunt is taking you to get your first little account, GREAT!!! Congratulations to your first start into REALITY--where things in life are NOT edited for content...

But with freedom, comes much responsibility... And you would want to be fiscally fit to handle the kinds of capabilities you haven't begun to fathom that you need...

So hey, pray to God for the strength to get you through your difficulties. However, when God is trying to tell you something, are really trying to listen?

[RedefinedDiva]

Originally posted by De6
I am a teenager and in time I will have expenses of my own.My other aunt is taking me to open a bank account without them knowing,then,I do NOT have to deal with the stress.

What type of "expenses" can you possibly have? What are you gonna do with a checking account? To be honest, it is my understanding that if you are under 18, you must have a parent or guardian sign for your account (and I don't think that includes an aunt). Where are you going to get money to sustain this account?

Originally posted by De6
Paying bills is NOT my responsibilty when I am trying to prepare for my senior year of high school,because when I want to do senior activities,then,I have nothing coming.I have to look out for me.Sure they will give me the money,but I have to get attitude,once again I do NOT except them to do anything.If they will let me keep my money,they would NOT have to worry about me asking them for anything.Not saying that I will never fall and need some help,but I will never learn to stand on my own,if they do NOT let me.I will be going off to college soon and right now I have a little over $100.00 to my name.Grant it,I am spoiled,but I am NOT so spoiled to the point that I can NOT help others.But,I am NOT stupid enough to keep helping people(even family)if they choose to carelessly spend their money.I am NOT a leaning post for the CONSTANT mistakes of others.

Since when are teenagers exempt from bills? Honey, I am not that far from my teens, and I know that I kicked in the phone bill. I was the one on the phone most of the time! How can you claim to be preparing for the world and make statements like that? Baby, the real world is ALL about BILLS! From what you post, I think that you may be helping to make the situation worse. You say in your post, "I know that I am spoiled" and it kind of shows. You are making moot points and I think that's why everyone is so baffled by your posts. I can't begin to tackle all the contradictions....

Anyway, if you feel that God is your guiding light, why do you continue to bring it up? Ever heard the phrase, "Let go and let God"? If you are gonna keep worrying about it, then you haven't really put it in God's hands. Let it go. Instead to pointing fingers, look to make sure that you don't play a role in this whole mess yourself.

[Afrochic]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by De6
I keep talking about this,because I am sure that anyone can testify that talking to others and getting their views gives you a sense of release.I truly thank you all for your concerns and I will try to make this post understandable,so that you all can see how I feel.

Have you heard the phrase "you're hearing but not listening?" You contradict yourself when you don't get the answers you want to hear/read. You ask for opinions, the grown folks give you life lessons, then all of a sudden we don't understand your plight, then you brush it off by saying well God will take care of it all. As RD stated, Let go and let God. He knows your situation and the things you aren't telling us. Let Him handle it all.

There is NOone that can tell me that when their parents told them that they had to pay a bill,they leaped off the walls with joy. It took sometime to adjust to,you probably felt like,this is MY money...why am I paying bills.After awhile it has set in,okay they are trying to teach me something.Okay,that is how I felt at first and last year and this year I have tried to deal with it...I knew that I had to contribute to the house.But,when you start trying to make me feel guilty about NOT giving you money,I have a problem. I did NOT tell you to go gamble.

My advice to you is to get on your own as quickly as possible, then you can deal with your own bills guilt free, problem free, with your new bank account.

Most of you are in the REAL world,bills,bills,bills and I thank you for the advice,because there might have been something I was missing.

There is a lot you're missing, but you're young so that's understandable. You have much to learn. Enjoy what you have now because there's more to being an adult than what meets the eye. You won't know how to be an adult until you become independent. In the real world, no one cares if you take care of your responsibillities, you will just be kicked out in the streets.

This will be my last year in high school,saying that should let you all know what type of expenses I have.But just in case some of you do NOT remember the cost of senior year I am going to remind you.I have to get school supplies(the basics),I HAVE to pay my senior dues($125.00),I have to get clothes and shoes,I have to prepare for homecoming,I have to save for my class ring,I have to prepare for prom,I have to prepare for this Fashionetta,and there are other expenses(we might have a class trip).

Now you partially told us how your family was and how your money is limited. Part of being an adult is learning priorities. All those school expenses you listed aren't mandatory, but see that's your youth speaking. You can't switch from a child one day and an adult the next. When you're an adult on a budget sometimes that vacation has to be put on hold or those new clothes, or that jewlery. See where I'm going? You think high school is expensive? Wait until you get to college and you have one book that cost 100.00 and you need two books for that class alone. If high school senior dues are getting you down, college expenses will tear you up. Just wait, it's coming.

Do you all now understand how I feel and why I keep
responding.I enjoy reading the responses of others
(epecially the Christians),it gives me a chance to search
myself and really seek God on things that you see,that I don't.

Don't take my responses or other's as being harsh. We're being real. We're in the real world tackling real life issues. Just wait 10 years down the line, you will look back at this and wish you had this little problem to deal with. When you're an adult, sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do....like get up and go to work everyday, get along with a supervisor you may not necessarily like but you suck it up and keep moving. It's a whole new world when you're grown and you can't take your ball and bike and go home. You gotta deal with it. God bless you sister that you gain understanding and wisdom.

[Shalom08]

Shalom De6~

The part of your posting that I wanted to reply to you deleted; however, I trust you will take the time to read my lengthy post to you.

Although I have never encountered a situation like yours when I was growing up (For me, I found it a pleasure to be able to help my parents out financially when deemed necessary) I do have relatives who've always had money problems, issues and drama.

In reading your posts and reflecting back on my relatives, I can truly say that the basis of their financial woes was due to the parents non-existence relationship with the Lord from which to establish basic, biblicial principals for money management and stewardship. Could this also be the case within your family?

In fact, looking back, not only did my relatives (and still continue to) have money issues, they have passed it down to their children and to their children's children until now, it is no longer an issue of financial ignorance but one that is a generational curse!

You however, can begin now to break what looks like the beginning cycle of financial carelessness by understanding the basic concepts of money as a medium of exchange and by DECLARING the WORD over the money you've been entrusted with to be a good steward over.

In declaring, APPLYING, and standing on the WORD with your money, it will require you to move into a deeper level of comprehension---understanding that not all money that comes into your hands is necessary YOUR money or for YOU. The Lord will move money through you to assist and aid others. Granted, if your parents are gambling and spending the household finances away on foolish things, no, the Lord isn't expecting you to become their cash flow support system that enables them to live a life of debts---(the devil is a liar)---but as a rule of thumb, with money being a tool (that's all it truly is), and as you become comfortable in knowing that everything you need comes from our Heavenly Father, and that all your supplies are met according to Philippians 4:19, you will find yourself having to release a LOT of what you thought was YOUR money...you will become a conduit in which money is to flowwwwwwwwwwwww because you will have become a good steward, one in which the LORD can trust to hear His voice and obey His directions concerning your giving (but you have to know His voice).

***Do you have a youth leader within your congregation that you can disscuss this matter with, or does you pastor conduct financial principals workshops or teach money stewardship from the pulpit?***

Have you ever heard of the money management author Larry Burkett (recently went home to be with the Lord). He has excellent books for children, teens, and adults concering money management from the WORD with sound scriptual references...none of that name-it-claim-it/blab-it-grab-it stuff I've seen people focus on. His books are easy to read, follow and apply and the results are long lasting.

Open up the Savings Account--hence, the word SAVINGS. After opening it up, set a short term goal called My Senior Goal. Write the goal down (you can create a poster from cut-out pictures from Seventeen, Essence Teen, and/or YM Magazines to help you illustrate your goal), then create a montly budget to go along with your Senior Goal. This will become a PURPOSE with an OBJECTIVE that will hold you accountable to saving and will serve as a visual aid to help your parents see you through your Senior Goal without adding arguement (remember, you want to be mindful of your speech and tone of voice towards your parents...don't forget the commandment to HONOR them).

Lastly, go into your senior year looking forward to the accomplishments that will be longer lasting then the temporal senior activities held by your school. Set your senior goals on scoring at least 1200 & 25 on the SAT/ACT, producing the finest entrance essay for college admissions, narrowing down your colleg choice to five schools and then visiting them, checking out FASTWeb daily for upcoming scholarships, tweeking those scholarship essays, getting those letters of recommendations NOW, developing your leadership skills on campus and within your community (looks good when applying for those scholarships)...see, you have far to many things to fill your senior year with besides worrying about money issues. What has happend over the summer has happened, get over it---that's life.
You can't sweat the small stuff...and believe me IT'S ALL SMALL STUFF!!

By resting in the Lord and giving the situation over to Him, He will walk you through all things with joy...so enter this year ready to enjoy it....'04 is yours!

Shalom~

Shalom08
AKA - TUO....ooh oh!

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by Shalom08
In reading your posts and reflecting back on my relatives, I can truly say that the basis of their financial woes was due to the parents non-existence relationship with the Lord from which to establish basic, biblicial principals for money management and stewardship. Could this also be the case within your family?

In fact, looking back, not only did my relatives (and still continue to) have money issues, they have passed it down to their children and to their children's children until now, it is no longer an issue of financial ignorance but one that is a generational curse!

You however, can begin now to break what looks like the beginning cycle of financial carelessness by understanding the basic concepts of money as a medium of exchange and by DECLARING the WORD over the money you've been entrusted with to be a good steward over.

In declaring, APPLYING, and standing on the WORD with your money, it will require you to move into a deeper level of comprehension---understanding that not all money that comes into your hands is necessary YOUR money or for YOU. The Lord will move money through you to assist and aid others. Granted, if your parents are gambling and spending the household finances away on foolish things, no, the Lord isn't expecting you to become their cash flow support system that enables them to live a life of debts---(the devil is a liar)---but as a rule of thumb, with money being a tool (that's all it truly is), and as you become comfortable in knowing that everything you need comes from our Heavenly Father, and that all your supplies are met according to Philippians 4:19, you will find yourself having to release a LOT of what you thought was YOUR money...you will become a conduit in which money is to flowwwwwwwwwwwww because you will have become a good steward, one in which the LORD can trust to hear His voice and obey His directions concerning your giving (but you have to know His voice).

Shalom,

You are always on point IMHO when it comes to dropping knowledge. The above blessed me as a person who has problems with being a good steward with her own finances. Thank you for sharing this.

De6,

what Shalom and the others shared with you were very good lessons to not just say you heard but ALLOW TO SOAK into your spirit and your mind. As a former high school teacher, senior year is about the activities as well as preparation for life AFTER high school. I hope you spent the summer wisely by preparing for the SAT, ACT, scholarships, etc.