I wanna be just like you when I grow up!

[Ideal08]

Y'all, I'm having an issue, an internal conflict of sorts. I don't want to share the issue with you just yet. I want your input on something else first, then I will come and post my issue and we can discuss. Cool?

What do you think of when you hear the words, "I wanna be just like you when I grow up?" What all does that entail?

[CrimsonTide4]

I wince @ times and I feel flattered at others.

I know what it took for me to get where I am today and I was glad when my younger cousins would say they wanted to go to college like me and be a teacher like me.

However, sometimes I tell them don't be JUST LIKE ME, do BETTER THAN ME. I know what mistakes I have made and I want others to avoid them if they can.

It all goes back to my TESTS being my TESTIMONY.


*somebody betta be in the BED**

[CrimsonTide4]

P.S.

If you are going to relate this to your girls that you work with, you are in a precarious position. You are THE BEST THING that has happened to a lot of them because you are showing them another side to life. You are showing them the benefits of working hard in life.

I know it is hard to be looked up to @ times, but someone has to do it. Just know that this is your "ministry" and you are saving someone's life someway.

[Kisha]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4

It all goes back to my TESTS being my TESTIMONY.

The operative word is “my”. When youth say they want what I have or they want to be like me when they grow up. I always say, you don’t know my story. You are just looking at one chapter of my book. I’m a work in progress. You have no clue of what I go through on a daily basis and what I had to go through to get where I am today. Believe you me, there was/is and will be many bumps in the road I’m traveling. You have your own bumps in the road to deal with, I know you don’t want to deal with mine.

God has equipped each and every one of us with special talents and gifts. He uniquely designed each and every one of us and set a plan for our lives. Therefore, operate in God’s plan for your life, not his plan for mine. There is a possibility that you could miss out on yours, while trying to walk in my shoes. You never know what God has planned for your life if you don’t walk in your own shoes. Each generation is supposed to be better than the previous. Aim to accomplish more than what I have. Be who God has called YOU to be.

I try to teach and emulate characteristics I believe leads to success and instill those same characteristics in the youth I work with. Instilling in them, they don’t have to become what I am. They can become whatever they want to become if they utilize the life skills given to them.

[FeeFee]

Originally posted by Kisha

God has equipped each and every one of us with special talents and gifts. He uniquely designed each and every one of us and set a plan for our lives. Therefore, operate in God’s plan for your life, not his plan for mine. There is a possibility that you could miss out on yours, while trying to walk in my shoes. You never know what God has planned for your life if you don’t walk in your own shoes. Each generation is supposed to be better than the previous. Aim to accomplish more than what I have. Be who God has called YOU to be.

So true, so true. Don't miss your calling/blessing trying to be just like me, especially if you don't know what trials/tribulations I had to go through.

[Marie]

Being younger than a lot of people in here, I'll speak on what I mean when I say those words. Maybe that can help you to interpret how you should receive them. My godmother is my mentor and my role model (along w/my mom). Therefore, it is often that I say that I want to emmulate her or be just like her. However, I don't really mean to the letter. I don't want her exact job, or her exact husband, or her exact life even. It is more so the completed package. I see her as very well put together. She is successful professionally, highly spiritual, a loving mother, and an all around great person. Furthermore, she is happy w/herself, who she has become, and what she has accomplished. Now she isn't perfect. She is divorced, and she has suffered hardships just like any other struggling black woman. Obviously these are not hardships that I too want to suffer. However, I do want to have the sense of satisfaction and confidence that I see in her. When I say those words, I'm talking more about her inner peace and the joy she brings to everyone who is around her. That is what I want to achieve. So maybe a person isn't saying that they want to travel your exact route, but instead they want to end up in a similar destination (as far as the person you are, not the life that you live).
Just a thought,
Marie

[Ideal08]

*sigh* Ok, this wasn't about me. And I lightweight feel funny for feeling the way that I do, but it's how I feel.

Last week, the student body went to a play of sorts or something where students were performing. One of our girls placed first place in an essay contest. She read her essay; it was about one of the teachers here. In the essay, she told how she wanted "to be just like" the teacher when she grew up. The teacher is White.

Last night, we had our spring dance (yes, in the middle of the week, another story for another day). While at the dance, I overheard a student tell a different teacher that she wanted to be just like her when she grew up. This teacher is White as well.

I'm conflicted over this. Why are these young Black girls looking up to these White women? What are we (the Black women here) doing wrong? We are always talking about being positive role models for our youth, and here it is, they are looking up to these White women. Why does this make me sad? And is there something wrong with me for feeling this way? On the one hand, I'm glad they have SOMEONE to look up to. On the other hand, it further reinforces the reasons I think we should have MORE Black teachers at an ALL BLACK school. HC we only have FOUR Black teachers out of about 20 total?

I don't know. What y'all think? Do I have some type of internal issues? Insecurities? Why don't our Black girls look up to us? And am I overreacting since it was only TWO girls who've said this? And neither of them are in my house. *sigh*

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
P.S.

If you are going to relate this to your girls that you work with, you are in a precarious position. You are THE BEST THING that has happened to a lot of them because you are showing them another side to life. You are showing them the benefits of working hard in life.

I know it is hard to be looked up to @ times, but someone has to do it. Just know that this is your "ministry" and you are saving someone's life someway.

Thank you, Carla.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally posted by Ideal08
*sigh* Ok, this wasn't about me. And I lightweight feel funny for feeling the way that I do, but it's how I feel.

Last week, the student body went to a play of sorts or something where students were performing. One of our girls placed first place in an essay contest. She read her essay; it was about one of the teachers here. In the essay, she told how she wanted "to be just like" the teacher when she grew up. The teacher is White.

Last night, we had our spring dance (yes, in the middle of the week, another story for another day). While at the dance, I overheard a student tell a different teacher that she wanted to be just like her when she grew up. This teacher is White as well.

I'm conflicted over this. Why are these young Black girls looking up to these White women? What are we (the Black women here) doing wrong? We are always talking about being positive role models for our youth, and here it is, they are looking up to these White women. Why does this make me sad? And is there something wrong with me for feeling this way? On the one hand, I'm glad they have SOMEONE to look up to. On the other hand, it further reinforces the reasons I think we should have MORE Black teachers at an ALL BLACK school. HC we only have FOUR Black teachers out of about 20 total?

I don't know. What y'all think? Do I have some type of internal issues? Insecurities? Why don't our Black girls look up to us? And am I overreacting since it was only TWO girls who've said this? And neither of them are in my house. *sigh*

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah this is clearer now. I can see the point of your angst or anxiety with the situation.

I do not think it is a slight against BLACK women at all.

I need to put my words together more on this so I will be back later.

[librasoul22]

Originally posted by CrimsonTide4
I do not think it is a slight against BLACK women at all.

Me either.

You are not wrong for feeling that way because today we need all of the conscious people we can get. It can seem disheartening if you look at it from the perspective of thinking these girls were talking about emulating a white women RATHER THAN a black woman. Maybe they look up to Black women there too, you have just never overheard them say it. I don't know I guess I would have to be there to have some context.

[darling1]

Originally posted by Ideal08
*sigh* Ok, this wasn't about me. And I lightweight feel funny for feeling the way that I do, but it's how I feel.

Last week, the student body went to a play of sorts or something where students were performing. One of our girls placed first place in an essay contest. She read her essay; it was about one of the teachers here. In the essay, she told how she wanted "to be just like" the teacher when she grew up. The teacher is White.

Last night, we had our spring dance (yes, in the middle of the week, another story for another day). While at the dance, I overheard a student tell a different teacher that she wanted to be just like her when she grew up. This teacher is White as well.

I'm conflicted over this. Why are these young Black girls looking up to these White women? What are we (the Black women here) doing wrong? We are always talking about being positive role models for our youth, and here it is, they are looking up to these White women. Why does this make me sad? And is there something wrong with me for feeling this way? On the one hand, I'm glad they have SOMEONE to look up to. On the other hand, it further reinforces the reasons I think we should have MORE Black teachers at an ALL BLACK school. HC we only have FOUR Black teachers out of about 20 total?

I don't know. What y'all think? Do I have some type of internal issues? Insecurities? Why don't our Black girls look up to us? And am I overreacting since it was only TWO girls who've said this? And neither of them are in my house. *sigh*

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i don't think that you are wrong in feeling the way you do. i believe if i were in your shoes i would have felt the same way. however, i think that perhaps you should take a step back and think that perhaps it was certain aspects of this teacher that this child is looking at. i think that since children are so straight forward and honest if this teacher was black an exhibited the same attributes as this white teacher, the child would have made the same comment. i remember wanting to be like some of my teachers, both black and white.

it is definitely a problem in our communities that there aren't enough men and women of color who are not teaching.

i think that you do have an issue and the issue is that you are looking at the bigger picture and have taken this child's comment and placed it in the larger context of our societal problems. those that didn't agree with you perhaps just felt that it was wonderful that a child is looking up to someone other than a basketball player, rap/hip-hop artist or the local thug.

perhaps what you are feeling can help you to make changes in your life or perhaps focus your mind on your upcoming activities/opportunities--i believe in another thread you are going to africa. perhaps you can take this experience and really make a difference in those whom you will be affecting.

relative to the larger issue of what 'we' are doing, i can say that we are not doing enough. one of the things that needs to change is perhaps the complacency that we have towards each other when 'we' are not taking care of business. personally i am dealing with an organization where they are not holding up to the ideals of the organization and seem to be focused on issues not related to direct community outreach. the membership is not happy but for a variety of reasons are not holding the leadership to task. we are so concerned with being among the who's who that we don't take care of other things that are important (ie: mentoring and community outreach). 'we' achieve a level of success and 'we' forget the people that helped us and the mechanisms that got us there.

i think that what 'we' need to do is open our eyes and move past personal gain within our civic organizations. i do feel that if we take time to see the bigger picture, things become so much clearer.

[novella000]

ideal... I understand why this matter troubles you... first a coupla-few questions:

have you taken a look at what it is that the child is seeing in this white teacher? is there some sort of reinforcement that this child is receiving from this white teacher that has been devoid in her development? (i.e. -- positive reinforcement)
Is there MORE you can do to be of better counsel to these children that you haven’t thought necessary until you witnessed the situation? Are you lacking in some way that would help propagate your insecurities here?
If the answers are big AZZ NOs – (as I am sure they are) then I ask further…

perhaps you feel angst because you think that you aren't providing something you should but know that you really do attempt to provide?? This may cause some guilt on your part – and thus your question. Sometimes I feel guilty with my son because he just loves the living crap outta his teacher... it makes me remember all of the times I've silenced his play b.c I was tired, or perhaps said "NO" to something because we "didn't have time"... Ms. Sara ALWAYS has time, she rarely says "no" and she doesn't live with my son... He needs to also learn that Mommy’s needs are important too. He needs to learn that, under most circumstances, the FAMILY is more important than any one person in it.
Your situation is similar.
Like Carla said, what you have to offer these girls is different than that of the average white teacher. Well, she didn't say that -- but I know that's part of what she meant...
YOU are a BLACK woman... honestly -- have many of these girls seen a truly positive BLACK woman in a position of authority over them?? Think about the homes that the black girls in your care quite possibly come from.
If they had the most positive/stable black mothers/aunts/grandmothers out there (like me -- ) -- would they be under YOUR care? Their PERSONAL History accounted for -- should they trust and admire YOU with or b/c of your black skin? Their PERSONAL History accounted for -- are you the better candidate for look-upmanship? (I know, "look-upmanship" is not a word) Prolly not...
They will have to grow into that. Keep doing what you're doing. For them you are, more than likely, the first of your kind – they don’t know WHAT to do with you. Some of them may even struggle with the love they undoubtedly have for you. You are the first of a hopeful MANY -- the rest of us are trying too...

[Ideal08]

I just wanted to share.

I have two girls in particular who have told me (and/or other houseparents) that I am their role model. One of them y'all (9th grader), she SO wants to be Ms. Ideal08!! She has even started to wear her hair in a puff like mine! I taught her how to do it. After I had my hair 2-strand twisted, she got hers twisted, too. I love that little girl. But I think she wants to talk to me about sex today, and I really am not ready for that. I guess I better buck up.

Then another girl (10th grader) came up to me out of the blue one day and said, "Ms. Ideal08, you're my role model." It touched my heart! Then today she told me, "I'm gonna get a tongue piercing just like you!" I said, "18!!! When you are 18!!!"

So I guess it took a while. This job makes me feel so grown, lol. I feel like I have arrived. And it makes me sad, because I'm still trying to find another job. I wish I could leave and take the girls with me. Constant conflicting feelings.

Do any of y'all mentor children on a volunteer basis?

[AKA2D '91]

Remember the discussion where you said you didn't have any role models? Or that you didn't really believe in that concept? This took place on GC a few years ago. Isn't it funny how you may have come "full circle"?

ETA: Yes, I do mentor someone (from a distance/indirectly). She is a junior in college now. I met her when she was a Freshman here at the school. At her HS graduation '99 she said, "I want to be just like you, Ms. AKA2D."

I am very proud of her. We keep in contact regularly. I usually send her a few dollars here and there during the semester. She has her own car, works, has a decent GPA, and has gotten involved in community service.

She is the first in her family to get this far. She has 2 little sisters who she is striving to help once she completes college. It is my intent to make sure she "stays on the right path" to complete this endeavor. Becoming her "mentor" just happened. It wasn't something I was looking to become.

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
Remember the discussion where you said you didn't have any role models? Or that you didn't really believe in that concept? This took place on GC a few years ago. Isn't it funny how you may have come "full circle"?

Yeah, it is funny, isn't it? I still hold some of the same opinions about role modeling, though. I still don't like the aspect of placing people on pedestals and then being disappointed when they "fall."

some people don't forget isht, ya know?! lol