Birth Order

[Dionysus]

Do you find this relevant?

Third born describes me well

Original challenges - what caused each of the birth orders:
Only Child - How to play alone without feeling lonely
First Born - Loss of mother's love to the new baby
Second Born - Being outdone by the first born
Third Born - Being shamed by the second born
Fourth Born - Being excluded by the third born

Strategies for solving the original challenges:
Only Child - Create imaginary companions
First Born - Wait for attention
Second Born - Become perfectionistic
Third Born - Be emotionally strong
Fourth Born - Don't listen to self

Typical bad feeling:
Only Child - Frustration
First Born - Guilt
Second Born - Inadequacy
Third Born - Fear
Fourth Born - Anger

Felt loss from childhood:
Only Child - Freedom
First Born - Love
Second Born - Emotions
Third Born - Protection
Fourth Born - Belonging

Sense of justice:
Only Child - Everything should be equal
First Born - People should get what they deserve
Second Born - What is necessary is just
Third Born - There is no justice so you have to help the victims
Fourth Born - There is no justice so you have to get even

Thought patterns:
Only Child - Organize by tying up the loose ends
First Born - Relate things to the future
Second Born - Evaluate to discover flaws
Third Born - Compare things to create new ideas
Fourth Born - Analyze things from every angle

T-shirts:
Only Child - Front: Leave me alone / Back: I'd rather do it myself
First Born - Front: I don't know / Back: What do you think?
Second Born - Front: That won't work / Back: It's not good enough
Third Born - Front: No problem / Back: It doesn't bother me any
Fourth Born - Front: Life isn't easy / Back: You have to try hard

Type of emotional expression:
Only Child - Demonstrative/Sullen
First Born - Agreeable/Obnoxious
Second Born - Friendly/Critical
Third Born - Sympathetic/Aggressive
Fourth Born - Empathy/Anger

What causes anger:
Only Child - Being intruded upon
First Born - Shown lack of respect
Second Born - Being criticized
Third Born - Being putdown
Fourth Born - Being blamed

Nature of humor:
Only Child - Sarcasm - implying negative motives
First Born - Shock - outrageous humor
Second Born - Criticism - dry humor
Third Born - Putdowns - embarrassing others
Fourth Born - Insults - suggesting others are stupid/lazy/untrustworthy

Means of relating:
Only Child - Projects own perceptions unto the other person imagining that the other person is the way he/she thinks they are
First Born - Works to impress others to get their admiration
Second Born - Offers constructive criticism to help others perform better
Third Born - Looks for ways to help others so they will be pleased
Fourth Born - Entertains others with witty expressions so they will want them around

Whom they understand on a gut level:
Only Child - Just other only children
First Born - Just other first borns
Second Born - First and second borns
Third Born - First, second and third borns
Fourth Born - Everyone except onlies

Spirituality:
Only Child - Ethical spirituality, wants to settle issues of right and wrong
First Born - Relational spirituality, wants to have a loving community
Second Born - Sacrificial spirituality, wants persons to commit themselves
Third Born - Devotional spirituality, wants to gain strength through prayer
Fourth Born - Mystical spirituality, wants to make contact with God

Relational problems:
Only Child - Feels oppressed by others' negative feelings
First Born - Feels obliged to satisfy others
Second Born - Feels overwhelmed by others' anger
Third Born - Feels obliged to help others
Fourth Born - Feels trapped by others' feelings

Sexual dysfunction resulting from childhood sexual abuse:
Only Child - Bisexuality if sexually abused by person of the same sex as a child - may also sexually abuse children other than their own
First Born - Addiction to pornography/sex/masturbation
Second Born - Homosexuality if abused by a person of the opposite sex
Third Born - Sexual aggressiveness, rape
Fourth Born - Incest

The child within:
Only Child - Feels smothered
First Born - Feels abandoned
Second Born - Feels neglected
Third Born - Feels wounded
Fourth Born - Feel isolated

Type of Procrastination:
Only Child - Puts off big jobs while doing small tasks
First Born - Puts off doing practical things while dreaming of accomplishing great things
Second Born - Puts off tasks till they can be done perfectly or till they have to be done
Third Born - Puts off tasks for more interesting pursuits
Fourth Born - Puts off tasks to spite others

Blind Spot:
Only Child - Inability to know what others think/feel
First Born - Inability to tell what he/she thinks, feels, wants
Second Born - Inability to know what others feel
Third Born - Inability to cooperate
Fourth Born - Inability to trust others

How They Deal with Boundaries:
Only Child - Honors them for others and self
First Born - Perceives others as having insurmountable boundaries
Second Born - Strict boundaries defined by own rules
Third Born - Cannot set boundaries to keep others out
Fourth Born - Does not respect others' boundaries, has strict boundaries for him/herself

How Each Takes a Walk in the Woods:
Only Child - Stays on the beaten path
First Born - Plunges through the woods, gets into difficulty
Second Born - Goes into the woods, watches the ground to avoid obstacles
Third Born - Goes into the woods only to help someone else through the woods
Fourth Born - Does not go into the woods, tells others where to go and how to get there

Some Preferred Careers:
Only Child - Radio Disk Jockey, Banking, Teaching, Ministry, Management (of time, space, and things)
First Born - Promotion, Speaking, Research, Business
Second Born - Accounting, Art, Finish Carpentry, Receptionist, Secretary, Teaching, Writer of Novels
Third Born - Sales, Police Work, Newspaper Reporter, Inventor, Poet, Animal Trainer
Fourth Born - Teaching Elementary School, Comedy, Dentistry, Factory Work, Management (of people)

Strengths:
Only Child - Organization, Clarity of Purpose, Stable
First Born - Visionary, Leadership, Compromise
Second Born - Self-Discipline, Attention to Detail, Consistency
Third Born - Compassion, Imagination, Practicality
Fourth Born - Thinking, Understanding, Ambition

Parenting Styles:
Only Child - Allows children time and space
First Born - Urges children towards dreams
Second Born - Teaches self-discipline, Obedience to rules
Third Born - Protective on the one hand, challenging on the other
Fourth Born - Is a companion to the children, Inconsistent discipline

Farming Style (if a farmer):
Only Child - Follows expert recommendations
First Born - Farms so as to impress others
Second Born - Stays on modest scale to keep everything manageable
Third Born - Ready to try new methods, experiments
Fourth Born - Farms the hard way

What Passes for Love:
Only Child - Worry
First Born - Agreement
Second Born - Constructive Criticism
Third Born - Pleasing
Fourth Born - Giving

Driving Style:
Only Child - Drives confidently expecting that everyone will drive correctly
First Born - Drives cautiously as if others are out to get him/her
Second Born - Drives angrily because others are violating the rules
Third Born - Drives fearlessly or fearfully
Fourth Born - Drives slowly while watching everything or aggressively in anger

Listening Style:
Only Child - Puts own meaning into others' words
First Born - Listens only to others, not self
Second Born - Listens for mistakes
Third Born - Interprets the motive for what is said
Fourth Born - Listens only to self or the other, but not to both at the same time

Common Phrases:
Only Child - You know
First Born - I don't know
Second Born - You need to
Third Born - No problem
Fourth Born - Try hard

Interventions to get a Hearing From:
Only Child - I don't know about you but...
First Born - You may not agree with this but...
Second Born - This may not be perfect but...
Third Born - This may be scary but...
Fourth Born - This may be hard but...

Effective Confrontations:
Only Child - You can be angry if you want but...
First Born - I would appreciate if you would...
Second Born - Do you have any other criticisms?
Third Born - I am disappointed...
Fourth Born - Stop it!

[33girl]

Geez, I'm SUCH an only child.

[FeeFee]

Originally posted by 33girl
Geez, I'm SUCH an only child.

At least on my mother's side (I have three half-sisters with the same father)

[KappaKittyCat]

I'm a nice, even blend of only and firstborn. I have one younger brother, but he didn't arrive on the scene until I was almost eight. He had health problems as an infant and needed lots of love and attention. By this point I was rather self-sufficient, my parents having raised me to do things for myself, so I just kind of faded into the background.

But there's truth to a lot of this.

The way AlAnon explains it (my uncle told me this after he went through during his ex-wife's treatment and their subsequent divorce) is that (in multiple families) the firstborn is the Hero, the secondborn is the Scapegoat, the thirdborn is the Prodigal Son, and the fourthborn is the Clown. It completely fits with that family, too.

Something to think about.

[Heather]

There were only a couple of those that I felt accurately described me (1st born) which I found to be odd b/c usually I fit the descriptions of a first born to a T!

One interesting thing though- At least 80% of my really close friends are first borns. And of them I'd say over 3/4 of them have a younger brother that is within 4 years of their age. So I guess I do understand first borns best!

[josh8o]

i'm the second born, and wow....so many of those described me so well it was sacry....

[Kevin]

Sounds like a fortune cookie.

Some of it relates, some of it doesn't.

First born here though.

[LeslieAGD]

I'm second born (the baby) and I don't think that fits me at all.

[swissmiss04]

I am so incredibly a first born. It completely hit the nail on the head. Wow!!

[shopgirl]

I'm the first born and most of those were pretty accurate.
Very interesting...

[dzsaigirl]

I do not think that description is accurate, but I do believe there are big differences in people due to birth order. I have also realized that most of my close friends are first borns. I really tend to NOT get along with only children. One of my roommates was an only and she pissed me off all the time! My husband is also a first born and we are super stubborn

Keep in mind that age difference matters. For instance, you can be technically the baby, but if you are 5 or more years younger than the others, you will probably be more of an only child. Or if you are the second child out of many but the first child is much older, you might be more of a first born personality.

[Rio_Kohitsuji]

These are pretty darn accurate!

I'm the last child (5th to be exact) but raised pretty much as an only child (I have a 12 year difference to my closest siblings). I can definetly see similarites! lol

[sororitygirl2]

I am fourth born... most of these do not describe me at all.

[AchtungBaby80]

This is really strange--where'd you find it? I'm the first and second born in my family (well, I was the first one for a while and then my mom remarried, making me the second), and both those descriptions fit me pretty accurately.

[valkyrie]

Hm. I'm an only child, and most of these seem accurate, but for a few -- I am *not* organized and stable, and can't even manage my own wardrobe let alone anyone else. And I drive like a maniac. But I do like my space...