The last straw

Dionysus · #1 09-22-2002, 11:25 PM

I've been having a few (but very subtle) problems
with my chapter within the last 8 months. One thing after another. Tonight I just recieved an email about the assignment of littles, in which I don't have one, despite my seniority and committment. I just found out about this, in other words I've been left out of the loop, again. Now that pisses me off more than not having one assigned, it is the principle of me being left out of the loop.

That was the last straw, I will probably quit now. However, that is very unfortunate because I really enjoyed being with the organization and I don't want them to win because I left (if that was the agenda).

The biggest part of the problem is that I DON'T KNOW THE ORIGION of it. I am clueless of the issue they (well actually a few) have with me. I assume it could be one of four things.

I'm definately will not exit quietly, however, I want my point to be made. I'm going to send a email out, but I don't know what I will say in it yet.

How should I handle this?

James · #2 09-22-2002, 11:36 PM

Only losers with a capital L take their toys and go home.

Dionysus · #3 09-22-2002, 11:50 PM

Don't worry James, before I take my toys and go home I would probably be exiled like a previous member.

Who we should reunite and...um never mind.

Peaches-n-Cream · #4 09-23-2002, 12:08 AM

Don't quit! Talk to the President and Executive Board and ask them directly why you aren't getting a little. Be upfront without being SH80.

Let them know that you are a committed member and want to know what the problem is and how you can rectify the situation. Work with them towards a resolution. I know that you can do it!!!

kristiAZD · #5 09-23-2002, 12:26 AM

I know in my chapter the new members pick who they want to be their big. I don't know if this is how it's done in yours, but it could be a reason why.

Munchkin03 · #6 09-23-2002, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Only losers with a capital L take their toys and go home.

Is that really necessary?

There's only so much abuse one can take before being fed up with it. It seems like you'd be a bigger loser if you stuck around and dealt with whatever abuse, or mistreatment. In situations like that, it's not "taking your toys and going home", it's simply not taking petty stuff from people.

I think before you do anything drastic, talk to whomever is in charge of assigning littles, and maybe your chapter relations board to discuss any rifts within the chapter. I'd hate to see anyone leave Greek Life, but if it's as bad as you say, end the drama.

Dionysus · #7 09-23-2002, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by kristiAZD
I know in my chapter the new members pick who they want to be their big. I don't know if this is how it's done in yours, but it could be a reason why.

No, our new members do not pick their bigs.

@ Cream, lol, that's why I'm waiting until tommorrow to bring up anything, I'm too pissed tonight. I don't want to say something that I'll regret.

Dionysus · #8 09-23-2002, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Munchkin03

Is that really necessary? There's only so much abuse one can take before being fed up with it. It seems like you'd be a bigger loser if you stuck around and dealt with whatever abuse, or mistreatment. In situations like that, it's not "taking your toys and going home", it's simply not taking petty stuff from people.

I think that translated into "don't be a quitter, when things get bad". Which is true, however, I can't fight a battle that I don't know what it is.

texas*princess · #9 09-23-2002, 02:28 PM

I have to agree with Cream here... talk to someone first!

Sometimes things are just misunderstandings. Perhaps they [whoever assigned the bigs] didn't mean to single you out like that?

I hope everything works out for you!

MenaceKiller · #10 09-23-2002, 02:30 PM

Dionysus, the only way you're going to be able to get to the bottom of this is to involve your senior officers in a face to face manner.

Who assigns the bigs with the littles? Query that person first, and if that person was aware of your desire to have a little and yet didn't bother to involve you in any of the matchups, then you need to escalate it to the officers.

In my case, it would be the Ritual chairperson who collects the pledges' preferred choices, then goes about assigning the bigs, then formally requests the bigs to accept their little. There have been cases in the past where the New Member Educators are desperate enough to have littles for themselves or their cliche in the group and thus do not remain neutral for the selection process. That is why we have a Ritual chairperson do it, the person has so far always remained neutral in the big and little process.

If that wasn't the case, then the VP of personnel would be involved to resolve an internal dispute.

CutiePie2000 · #11 09-23-2002, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Dionysus
The biggest part of the problem is that I DON'T KNOW THE ORIGIN of it. I am clueless of the issue they (well actually a few) have with me. I assume it could be one of four things.
How should I handle this?

If you say that you are "clueless of the issue", but suspect that it is one of four things, I would talk to the officers and find out specifically the reason or reasons why, to get clarity and closure. Whether you decide to stay or leave, I do feel that it is important to find out the reason why things seem to have taken a turn for the worse.

Perhaps this can be resolved. It appears that there has been a communication breakdown and the lines of communication need to be open again. I would talk to your sorority's executive about this. Try to remain calm and not fly off the handle, even though they may (or may not) tell you some things that might potentially upset or embarrass you. Try to listen and hear them out until the end. When they start explaining, I would take also notes on what they say, so that you can adresses each point, or possibly refute some of the points what they say.

I would say something like "I noticed that I was not assigned a little sister, and I would like to know the specific reasons why".
Try to book an appointment to sit down and meet with these other members, so that you can all sit down and talk, uninterrupted, and with privacy.

Be courageous - you can do this.
Good luck and please let us know what happened and what was the result.

KappaKittyCat · #12 09-23-2002, 03:54 PM

This sounds like a job for {dum-dum-DAH} Standards Committee! Or whatever your chapter has to deal with behaviour and morale issues. Definitely go to the relevant people and express your disappointment at being left out of the loop. If you're really as involved and dedicated as you sound, they should want to do whatever they can to keep you.

doubleblue&gold · #13 09-23-2002, 05:26 PM

You might have thought everyone knew you wanted a little, but the obvious isn't always so. Did you ask for one?

MTSUGURL · #14 09-23-2002, 05:26 PM

I totally understand about being frustrated in the big/little process. Our revealing was Friday, and I already knew who my big sister was. Imagine my surprise when she didn't even show up! All the pledges were supposed to meet at her house for a slumber party and she had her roommate send us to another active's house. Talk about feeling slighted and discouraged by an officer of the sorority. Luckily, I got assigned a new big sister I absolutely LOVE.
I really don't think you should quit. Problems can be solved and talked out. There may be a very logical reason you weren't assigned a little sister. Besides, if you've been so dedicated, then quitting isn't the answer, and they would be sorry to lose you.

doubleblue&gold · #15 09-23-2002, 05:27 PM

You might have thought everyone knew you wanted a little, but the obvious isn't always so. Did you ask for one?