Parents

superchick · #1 08-09-2002, 11:46 PM

Do you think a rushie's parents would have no influence on their child? The parents might be happy if their child gets any GLO but do you believe they do push them towards a certain group? I am concerned to tell my parents I am rushing because of this reason.

XOMichelle · #2 08-10-2002, 02:00 AM

My mom didn't want me to rush, actually. She was in a GLO and thinks, looking back on the experience, that they made her do dumb things and she didn't get much out of it. She told me it was my money, and if I wanted to do it, I could. I did and I am happy about it! But, I might not have if she had put her foot down. I'd say talk to your Mom, but tell her that you don't want to be pressured.
ll,
M

justamom · #3 08-10-2002, 08:02 AM

I will be honest here. Yes, I believe I influenced my daughter. I did not tell her what chapter I wanted her to focus on, rather those I did NOT want her to focus on. I will do the same with my son. WHY???

I know my kids better than any person who meets them for the limited time allowed for recruitment parties. I also know a RELATIVELY good percentage (almost 100%) of the girls and what few guys have joined from OUR area over the past 8 years. When you have this information and you see a pattern, it paints a picture.

Prior to her going through, an active (family friend) told her just look around and see who's there... Nothing else had to be said.
She did NOT want to recreate HS, so she was not interested in chapters that held a lot of locals.

For my son, I'll let my daughter do the talking and support what SHE has to say because of her insight regarding my son and the different styles of the fraternities. I would never tell them who EXACTLY to try to impress.

superchick · #4 08-10-2002, 11:04 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by justamom
I will be honest here. Yes, I believe I influenced my daughter. I did not tell her what chapter I wanted her to focus on, rather those I did NOT want her to focus on. I will do the same with my son. WHY???

Thanks for the honesty. I don't want my parents telling me who to rush for or not to rush for. I don't even want hints. Just because my parents may have certain impressions about certain GLOs doesn't mean I will feel the same way. I don't want my parents to cheat me out of a potential perfect match. So I decided I won't tell my parents til after rush is over.

ZTABullwinkle · #5 08-10-2002, 11:51 AM

My mother was a Delta Gamma. When I told her I was "rushing" at ODU, she kept asking me if I was sure they were not on campus. (I was, I had triple checked.

) I knew there was not going to be the chance to share that bond with my mother, but it worked out in the end.

Like the others have said, you need to go where you feel the most comfortable. Visit each sorority. Ask questions. And follow your heart!!!

Good luck with Recruitment! Let us know how it turned out!!!

PenguinTrax · #6 08-10-2002, 12:57 PM

Some parents my try and influence their children, but they need to remember that the system is mutal selection and even IF their child's choice matched the parents' choice, there is no guarantee that the group in question would offer him/her a bid.

If your parents try to influence you, take it all in stride, thank them for the advice and move forward on your own.

It is vitally important that you tell your parents you are planning on participating in recruitment if they will be paying your dues, etc. The only time I would recommend that you not tell your parents of your plans is if you are financing your sorority experience 100% on your own.

justamom · #7 08-10-2002, 02:11 PM

Superchick-Barbara is absolutely right-unless you are paying for it 100% tell your parents. My daugter and I have a very, VERY close relationship and until the spring she hadn't decided if she wanted to go through he process or not. I convinced her she should at least go through and see what happened.

When I say influenced it was more a tact of asking her questions and letting her see the answers for herself. I wanted her to be aware of all the things to consider when she made her choice. We discussed everything from what she THOUGHT a sorority should be to what happens if someone she loves cut her. Ultimately, she came to believe (knowing how she loved to be involved and volunteer) it was better to go GREEK than not.

Everyone in this town knows everyone and where they ended up. She had said 1000 times she wished she had gone someplace where she didn't know so many people. Would it make sense for her to NOT consider the makeup of a group?

Not every mother daughter relationship is the same. Some girls tell everything to their friends. She talked about everything with me. She is not only my daughter, she is my friend.

If your mother doesn't even know you are considering recruitment at this stage of the game, I think it's safe to assume she plays a different role in your life WHICH IS GREAT, WHATEVER WORKS! So, with that in mind and a bit more insight, YOUR mother can help you if you let her.
What was the last thing I told my daughter? The choice is yours, I want you to be happy, go where your heart leads you. It all worked out in the end.

StarDust7381 · #8 08-11-2002, 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by justamom
Superchick-Barbara is absolutely right-unless you are paying for it 100% tell your parents. My daugter and I have a very, VERY close relationship and until the spring she hadn't decided if she wanted to go through he process or not. I convinced her she should at least go through and see what happened.

When I say influenced it was more a tact of asking her questions and letting her see the answers for herself. I wanted her to be aware of all the things to consider when she made her choice. We discussed everything from what she THOUGHT a sorority should be to what happens if someone she loves cut her. Ultimately, she came to believe (knowing how she loved to be involved and volunteer) it was better to go GREEK than not.

Everyone in this town knows everyone and where they ended up. She had said 1000 times she wished she had gone someplace where she didn't know so many people. Would it make sense for her to NOT consider the makeup of a group?

Not every mother daughter relationship is the same. Some girls tell everything to their friends. She talked about everything with me. She is not only my daughter, she is my friend.

If your mother doesn't even know you are considering recruitment at this stage of the game, I think it's safe to assume she plays a different role in your life WHICH IS GREAT, WHATEVER WORKS! So, with that in mind and a bit more insight, YOUR mother can help you if you let her.
What was the last thing I told my daughter? The choice is yours, I want you to be happy, go where your heart leads you. It all worked out in the end.

did she join the same GLO as you?

#9 08-11-2002, 02:14 AM

My parents went to college back in the old country (Poland) where, under communism, fratnities and the like were illegal. So all they knew about fraternities was what they heard mis-represented in the media, an' were affraid I'd drink myself to death. It tried to explain to them that it's about serving the community, an' scholarship.
They're distrustful of secret societies to begin with; like the masons and stuff. After all devout catholics were forbidden from joining them by pope Pious X, but no-one else remembers that, or even cares for that matter. I figured it would give me connections that last a lifetime.

So finnaly I joined despite their efforts to dissuade, an' it became clear I had to pay my frat fees myself.
It's important to just follow your own dreams, your parents mean well but they can't controll your lives.

justamom · #10 08-11-2002, 08:16 AM

Stardust, No, she did not. My sorority wasn't even on her campus. It wouldn't have mattered to be honest because of the way they differ from campus to campus. It was ALWAYS her choice.

What was I going to do...run in there and sign her bid card?!?

She is a VERY strong willed young woman!

DWAlphaGam · #11 08-11-2002, 10:43 AM

My parents did not want me to join a sorority, but they did not have a say in the matter because I paid for everything myself. (They did come around after awhile when they saw that nothing horrible happened to me.

) So, I would say that the only way to avoid them exerting their influence over you is to save up your money and pay your dues yourself: your money, your decision.

I do know at least one woman who was pushed into joining her mother's sorority. She was very good friends with my sisters and had expressed a lot of interest in joining AGD. However, her mom decided to visit during recruitment and offered to help her sorority, and sent her daughter letters on her sorority's notecards practically every day of recruitment. (Basically, her mom dirty rushed her.) The girl ended up in her mom's sorority and was ok with it, but never really put much effort into it and, in my opinion, never really got the full experience that she could have if she went somewhere she wanted to.

Bottom line: you'll know what's best for you, and you need to be able to stand up to your parents and make this decision on your own.

The1calledTKE · #12 08-19-2002, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by superchick

Thanks for the honesty. I don't want my parents telling me who to rush for or not to rush for. I don't even want hints. Just because my parents may have certain impressions about certain GLOs doesn't mean I will feel the same way. I don't want my parents to cheat me out of a potential perfect match. So I decided I won't tell my parents til after rush is over.

That makes sence. You should do what makes you happy its your life not your parents. I am sure your parents will love you no matter what sorority you join, if they don't then their bad parents. Have you rushed yet? If you did who did you go with? How did your parents take it?

aephi alum · #13 08-19-2002, 11:14 AM

I'm not a parent (yet) but I hope that I will have the strength to stand back and let my hypothetical future children make their own decisions. Obviously I'd be pleased if a daughter of mine joins AEPhi, and she'll know she's a legacy, but I will try not to push it - just because I was at home there doesn't mean she will be. As for my hypothetical future son, I have opinions about several fraternities at my alma mater, but he may rush at a different school, and in any case, 20+ years will have gone by... things change.

I know of a woman who is a sorority alum and who would only let her daughters apply to colleges where her sorority had a chapter. IMO, this is over the top. (btw, none of them joined her sorority!)

justamom · #14 08-19-2002, 12:09 PM

aephi alum-I know of a woman who is a sorority alum and who would only let her daughters apply to colleges where her sorority had a chapter. IMO, this is over the top. (btw, none of them joined her sorority!)

That happens frequently. Ditto-WAY over the top!

maggieaxid · #15 08-19-2002, 12:21 PM

I didn't tell my parents i was going through rush until after first round. My mom was a little weary of it-- she wasn't in a glo, but two of her sisters (my aunts) were. And she said as long as it was going tomake me happy and still let mekeep my grades up and whatnot she was fine with it and my parents would pay half my dues. My father was all for it. He is a TKE alum and really enjoyed his experience.

As for being pressured, I saw a few girls that were pressure to join some orgs. that they were legacies too. It was sad to see them not fit in sometime.