The ghost of Wilson Heller

[hoosier]

I spent so much time on this post that I thought I'd stick it here too, since Wilson Heller had so much impact on TKE.

I don't know if he had anything to do with Jim Logan, but I know he was close with Dick Hall and Bruce Melchert, and many natl. officers.
- da hoosier

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Although he died more than 10 years ago, there was a guy named Wilson Heller, a PiKA from U. Mo. living in Southern California, who had an accurate national ranking system for chapters. It was his hobby.

Some national GLOs (most quietly and totally secretly) helped him distribute ranking questionaires to chapter presidents, and he used these to "rank" the chapters on every campus by "power, prominence, and prestige" - and this was quite a job at places with 30-plus chapters - plus maybe 20 sororities too. At one time, I think U.Ill. had 52 to 57 chapters. The chapter president was asked to rank all chapters except his own, and then asked "honestly, where would others rank your chapter?"

He would prepare a report for the national GLO, with his ranking each chapter, something like:

U of AL: ranked 12 to 15 of 25
Auburn: rank 5 to 6 of 21

It might also include a note (up slightly, or falling fast), comparing this year's ranking with the past.

He also combined all of these campus rankings into a "National GLO rankings", ranking your GLO and mine from 1 to 60 (or however many there were). He did the same for the 30-some sororities.

Wilson Heller also published a monthly by-subscription newsletter, with all the news you wouldn't see in the national GLO magazine. This newsletter was barely better than mimeographed - appearing to always be typed on an old typewriter needing a ribbon (which it was). Contents included chapter deaths/suspensions, scandals, and lies which he caught in GLO magazines.

Altho many many of the nationals subscribed and paid for Heller's rankings and newsletter (he had 3,000 subscribers), it was all secret. At each annual meeting of the NIC, editors, and professional staff, someone (a real stuffed shirt) would bring up a motion "let's condemn anybody who ranks chapters and nationals", and it would be passed unanimously annually. As soon as these staff people got back to the office, they would write or phone Heller and report that they had unanimously voted again to comdemn him - and everyone had a good chuckle.

Usually at the annual NIC meeting, Heller would show up and sit around in some corner, renewing his friendships with national GLO leaders. He never registered for the NIC or attended any function.

He was a great friend of many, was a great storyteller, and enjoyed a cold beer any time after work. Professionally, he had been a PR man and agent for some well-known Hollywood stars.

During his younger years, he traveled the nation, and visited many chapters of PiKA and other GLOs. In some of these other GLOs, the chapters liked him so much that they bought him a life-time subscription to the GLO mag. In later years, he loved to annoy national GLOs (who were not among his supporters) by reminding them that he was a lifetime subscriber to their magazine.

When he died, his records and data were supposed to be passed along to another southern Cal fraternity nut (he's now dead too), but if that happened it was for naught. Nothing ever was published following his death.

The national GLO rankings in Heller's later years agreed with the opinions of most people who have visited lots of campuses and chapters, with SAE and Sigma Chi tops among the men and Chi Omega and Kappa Kappa Gamma highest among the women. It probably hasn't changed much to date.

Heller constantly wrote and preached that "size solves all problems", and comparing the rankings with chapter sizes confirmed that the chapter presidents generally ranked their own campus chapters' "power, prominence, and prestige" very closely following size. The myths of "small quality chapter" and "quality, not quantity" are just that - sound good, but just myths.

One time I was hired to be chapter advisor for a weeny chapter, that was old, well housed, and had wealthy alumni. Heller sent me a note: "Take anybody wearing pants." Taking a houseful of pants-wearer probably would have done the job, but I couldn't talk the men into it.

If life (even on campus), there's competition. Where there is competition, there are comparisons - even rankings.

Everyone on your campus has an opinion on "what's the top GLO here" (if you can't choose your own) and in 90% of the cases or more the opinions will agree.

I wish Wilson Heller was still around, annoying the stuffed shirts with his rankings.