Is this normal...?

[rxavier]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Oh, and my best friends from the sorority post-college are not the ones I was closest to in college.

Oh, and thank you. This is great (and not to mention extremely reassuring) advice. It's always nice to know that you're in good company.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by rxavier

I feel silly for getting all worked up about this, but I just want to know that I made the right decision. I think that a lot of this comes from the age discrepancy between the majority of the PC (freshmen) and myself (a sophomore). I don't live on campus, I'm involved in other organizations I have a job and a serious boyfriend, and I'm taking a heavy course load (18 hours). I've invited the girls to come to the other organizations with me as well as offered them rides to and from the house and to hang out at my apartment. But needless to say, I feel spread too thin right now.

Did any one else that pledged as a sophomore experience this?

Yes - I pledged as a sophomore/serious boyfriend/22 hours. I remember doing an excercise in our pledge manual designed to show you how much extra time you actually do have that you waste on TV/naps/coffee shop/etc....I was stunned at how much time there was - in other people's schedules. Mine, not so much. I had 4 classes that were one credit hour that each required 5 hours OR MORE of classtime a week. Looking back, I think that's why I didn't get close to many sisters until I moved into the house 2nd semester.

[aggieAXO]

I pledged as a junior and hung out with the older girls rather than my pledge class except for my roommate who also pledged as a junior. My big became one of my closest friends in the sorority-we were the same age and had pretty much the same major-she went to medical school and I went to vet school. Don't give up!

[33girl]

My 2 little pledged as a SENIOR (a senior who lived with very anti-Greek roommates on top of it) and she probably got more out of her two semesters as an active, and made more lasting friends, than some of the women in our chapter who pledged as freshmen. (She also had first semester freshmen in her pledge class, by the way.) I know that's a smaller chapter and things aren't so class-conscious in a smaller chapter, but just wanted to illustrate your experience is what you make of it.

Some people jump off the high dive, some people enter the pool one toe at a time. It doesn't mean that they won't both have an enjoyable swim. Give yourself time to get to know everyone and don't just concentrate on whether you fit with your pledge class.

[rxavier]

I called my mom this morning who patiently reassured me that I was "chosen for a reason". As I truly believe I was myself during rush, this means that they chose me for me.

I just want to skip past this high intensity phase and into the bridesmaids-at-my-wedding part. Guess it's not that easy, huh? "In due time," my mom says.

My friends also told me that bid week is not a good representation of what the remainder of sorority life is like, especially as a NM. It's much more mellow than paired parties or hyped up get togethers all night, every night of the week.

I'm missing the first party tonight because I have to work which I'm not happy about but I'm hoping that I won't miss too much bonding.

[Kevin]

Pardon the lane swerve, but let me try an analogy on you.

Think of your sorority as a marriage. Getting married typically involves a pretty elaborate ceremony and party. The bride and groom (mostly bride) are showered with attention and gifts. That day is all about them. Their parents shell out tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars making sure everything is perfect. They go on a honeymoon to some exotic beach or to stay at various fine European hotels.

Then they get back to their apartment, student loan payments, bills, life. Folks in their first marriages often end up with unreasonable expectations about what married life is like. Just like membership in your sorority, marriage is about hard work, trust and commitment, not being given attention and pandered to by others.

You have been selected. Congratulations, now the work begins. Your relationships with your sisters, like any other relationship are going to take work. Wearing the same letters and colors will get you a ways down the road, but it won't get you where you want to ultimately be. Don't expect to be catered to. Make friends. If people aren't asking you to do stuff with them, ask others to do stuff with you.

Your experience in your organization will be what you make of it. Don't come in with the expectation of being catered to.

[rxavier]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Pardon the lane swerve, but let me try an analogy on you.

Think of your sorority as a marriage. Getting married typically involves a pretty elaborate ceremony and party. The bride and groom (mostly bride) are showered with attention and gifts. That day is all about them. Their parents shell out tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars making sure everything is perfect. They go on a honeymoon to some exotic beach or to stay at various fine European hotels.

Then they get back to their apartment, student loan payments, bills, life. Folks in their first marriages often end up with unreasonable expectations about what married life is like. Just like membership in your sorority, marriage is about hard work, trust and commitment, not being given attention and pandered to by others.

You have been selected. Congratulations, now the work begins. Your relationships with your sisters, like any other relationship are going to take work. Wearing the same letters and colors will get you a ways down the road, but it won't get you where you want to ultimately be. Don't expect to be catered to. Make friends. If people aren't asking you to do stuff with them, ask others to do stuff with you.

Your experience in your organization will be what you make of it. Don't come in with the expectation of being catered to.

I agree with your analogy completely and it may not have come off in my posts, but I wasn't expecting to have my friendships prepackaged. I guess what my overall concern is that because it seems that a lot of the girls are putting pressure on themselves to become BFFs in a week, I am wondering/worried if/that I'll be considered cold or aloof if I don't reciprocate that "OMGILOVEYOUSOMUCHANDIDONTEVENKNOWYOURNAME" feeling.

[knight_shadow]

Here's another swerve and another analogy that may help.

On the first day of (middle or high) school, you're usually put into new classes with new people. Some people may know each other from previous classes and will seem to get along right off the bat. If you don't know anyone in your class, it'll seem like you're an outsider.

Fast forward a few weeks. You've gotten to know more of the people in your class and are more comfortable interacting with everyone. You may even make some new friends after a while.

You're not going to be best friends with everybody immediately at ANY time in your life, including your new member period. Take the time to get to know people and you should be fine.

Also, as others have said, it's a 2 way street. You're not automatically BFFs with everyone by virtue of sharing letters. You need to reach out to people in order to make your experience worthwhile.

[Kevin]

Originally Posted by rxavier

I agree with your analogy completely and it may not have come off in my posts, but I wasn't expecting to have my friendships prepackaged. I guess what my overall concern is that because it seems that a lot of the girls are putting pressure on themselves to become BFFs in a week, I am wondering/worried if/that I'll be considered cold or aloof if I don't reciprocate that "OMGILOVEYOUSOMUCHANDIDONTEVENKNOWYOURNAME" feeling.

I wouldn't really worry about that. Some of 'em will mesh, some not, it'll all work out in the end. Make an effort for sure, but if the "OMGILOVEYOUSOMUCHANDIDONTEVENKNOWYOURNAME" isn't really your thing, don't sweat it too much.

[Gusteau]

Another lane swerve...

I pledged my fraternity as a first semester sophomore. I hated my pledge class for the first few weeks -seriously, I didn't like them at all. If not for my awesome big brother I probably would have quit and not given them a chance at all. Relating to first semester freshman was at time a little difficult, but things quickly changed and I couldn't have found another chapter that was more right for me, pledge class included.

By the way, it's always good to remember that the Greek roots for the word sophomore means "wise fool." Sophomores and freshmen aren't as different as you feel they are now, trust me.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by rxavier

I called my mom this morning who patiently reassured me that I was "chosen for a reason". As I truly believe I was myself during rush, this means that they chose me for me.

I just want to skip past this high intensity phase and into the bridesmaids-at-my-wedding part. Guess it's not that easy, huh? "In due time," my mom says.

My friends also told me that bid week is not a good representation of what the remainder of sorority life is like, especially as a NM. It's much more mellow than paired parties or hyped up get togethers all night, every night of the week.

I'm missing the first party tonight because I have to work which I'm not happy about but I'm hoping that I won't miss too much bonding.

They're right. For many new members the first few weeks are so novel and exciting they go a little overboard (for my tastes, anyway) with how much they "love" each other, with gifts, with calling everyone their new BFF, etc. Once that phase ends and everyone settles into the routine, the entire experience is more mellow. Pay attention to the actives. You'll notice (especially with juniors and seniors) that though they're excited about your new pledge class, they're much more laid back around each other.

I can tell you I wasn't particularly close to my sis-mom (who left the semester after I pledged anyway), wasn't particularly close to my pledge class as a group, and didn't have many close friends in the sorority during my entire time as an active. I'm not a hugs-and-kisses type person, I don't tell people I love them when I don't, and I've never had a "OMGURMYBFF". I can also tell you my experience as an active was amazing. Aside from everything I learned (and I absolutely learned lessons I badly needed about leadership, being diplomatic, and time management to name just a few) I had a great time. I hung out with people that were BFF with each other all the time, and the thing is it was fun. Take it slow and remember this new member period isn't what the next three and a half years will be like, and that after your years as an active are over you'll have the rest of your life to enjoy your sorority, too.

ETA: I didn't reciprocate with the OMGILOVEYOUSOMUCH stuff...ever. Because it makes me cringe. And my pledge class didn't interpret it as cold, they just assumed I wasn't emotional which was correct. If that's not you, don't say it/do it. Just be yourself and express a genuine interest in getting to know your sisters in a way that's appropriate for you...that's all you need to do.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Oh, and my best friends from the sorority post-college are not the ones I was closest to in college.

This is so true too!

There are chapter sisters I talk to everyday now whom I didn't know well in college AT ALL (beyond "hi how are you?")

Post-college, there are also opportunities to build friendships with women who aren't from your chapter at all.

Through my volunteer work as an alumna, I have had the opportunity to become close with people whom I would have never met otherwise.

[FSUZeta]

you have a lot on your plate, but unless you are a 30 something sophomore, you should just be one to two years older than your freshman pledge sisters. it may be difficult to find your niche with all the other things pulling at you. maybe you could ask yourself why you went through rush and why you accepted a bid? that might help you work through this tough time.

please give yourself(and your sorority) some more time, try really hard to really get to know some of your new sisters. did you already have friends in this chapter? you may find that you will mesh better with sophomores, juniors or seniors within the chapter.