HELP! Big/Little problems :(

[agzg]

So, they're going to let your tree die out? Did you take another little while you were active in that chapter?

If so, that's really effing shitty.

But my comments still stand. It's an issue that, should you choose to, you should work out with the people doing the coercing, if that makes sense.

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by SunDevilGreek

I never said our relationship would "cease to exist". This isn't about that. I'm upset AT THE OTHER GIRLS. The situation INVOLVES my little, but really doesn't have anything to do with her, if that makes sense.

So your little won't take a new big, even though others are trying? Also, you and your little maintain a great relationship, even in your absence?

I don't see what the problem is. It sounds like you're mad that the other girls are trying, but if your little isn't responding to it, there's really no issue.

[33girl]

You need be straight with the other girls and say "I realize you love Little, but what you are doing is really hurting my feelings." It's not like you dropped off the earth.

I also agree with sbm that your little may not be as blameless in all this as she claims. It's an awesome thing to feel like people want you that much, even if it is in kind of an underhanded way, and she may be enabling it more than she realizes. She needs to grow a pair and say "I HAVE a big. Drop it. NOW."

Hope you get this all worked out, because it is a shitty situation that should never even have happened.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You need be straight with the other girls and say "I realize you love Little, but what you are doing is really hurting my feelings." It's not like you dropped off the earth.

I also agree with sbm that your little may not be as blameless in all this as she claims. It's an awesome thing to feel like people want you that much, even if it is in kind of an underhanded way, and she may be enabling it more than she realizes. She needs to grow a pair and say "I HAVE a big. Drop it. NOW."

Hope you get this all worked out, because it is a shitty situation that should never even have happened.

I completely agree. Sounds like a lot of drama is being stirred up here by your Little. The fact that all of you are upperclassmen should mean that you are past this kind of crap.

[steelerbear]

Originally Posted by SunDevilGreek

I'm not sure there's anything I can really do about this, but what do you all think? I'm really upset about the whole thing.

I understand where you're coming from. You're right; there's really not much you can or even should do about it, but it certainly does hurt.

When I initiated, "adoptions" were the anomaly. But shortly after Initiation, one of my pledge sisters relinquished her membership, and another pledge sister's Big relinquished hers as well--so the abandoned Big and Little adopted each other. I felt a little ripped off, to be honest, because the abandoned Big was my first choice for a Big. Anyway... later on in college, the 2nd of my two Littles, with whom I had the closer relationship, relinquished her membership. Her little--my GrandLittle--, even though she'd been a full initiated member for several years, decided to be adopted by someone else. This actually hurt me a whole lot, because I was still very active in the chapter as a senior. To this day, even though it's not all that important in the grand scheme of things, I'm still a little hurt by my GLil's choice to be adopted.

Long story short, I think it would be worth mentioning your feelings to your Little. True, it may not be the end of the world if she chooses to take another Big, and it wouldn't necessarily be the end of your friendship (certainly not your sisterhood!), and it might even be a good idea for her to take another Big because you're no longer at the same school (especially if it's within her first year of joining). But still... I think you owe it to yourself to express your feelings, and you owe it to your Little to fill her in, as well.

Best of luck!!

[Xylochick216]

When we had people transfer out or graduate, people often took on what we called "pseudo-bigs" and "pseudo-littles." The tree was still intact, but they had their real big and then a stand-in. Often the two families would unofficially merge, and it's cool to see those branches still taking pictures with their "pseudo-families" years later at initiation day, all because two women supported each other.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by SunDevilGreek

4. Finally, this isn't a possessive thing. My little is my best friend- if she takes another big, that's like breaking the bond that brought us together. I know some people aren't very close with their bigs, and maybe in some chapters the big/little relationship is for initiation mostly. Everyone in my chapter puts a huge emphasis on the big/little relationship, so that's why them moving in on her is so hurtful. BECAUSE IT'S A BIG DEAL.

Yes it is a possessive thing. If something like this can tarnish your relationship, then you really aren't as close as you think or say.

You're not there. You left. It's out of your control. And frankly, if she's already a junior how many girls can really want to take her on as a little for what amounts to a few months before they graduate?

And if she really is being omgtotallycoerced, then she needs to put on her big girl thong and give them a firm, loving and definitive "thanks but no thanks."

Your posts are making both of you sound like drama queens. Maybe that's your real bond.