Parents Have a Negative Image of Greeks

[justhey76]

I am a soon to be freshman, and I have ALWAYS planned on rushing. I have gone to what seems like every website available about Greek life, I have checked out books from the library, and I have done a lot to educate myself about Greek life. I MENTONED my intentions of rushing this fall to my parents, but I never got their opinion because I am paying for ALL of my school expenses (tuition, etc), including sorority fees, so I didn’t even think to get their PERMISSION to rush, since I am going to be responsible for the finances. Just recently, I found out that they don’t want me to rush at all. Now, I will be rushing in just three short months and my parents are avidly against it, and I don’t want create resentment by rushing against their wishes. They honestly think that Greeks are just all about being totally wild. They believe that I will pledge, and suddenly all of my morals will go down the drain, and I will turn into a skank (pardon), my grades will be awful, I will drink all the time, and I will become snobby, rude, and materialistic. THAT IS REALLY WHAT THEY THINK BEING GREEK IS ALL ABOUT!!!!!!!! I don’t know how to change their minds. I have given them the “blah in blah of the US presidents were Greek, and so and so percentage of the 50 top CEO’s are Greek” statistics, but those statistics are not enough for them. They just don’t SEE what I see in collegiate Greek life!! I see many upstanding young adults who are leaders at their universities, and who bring out the BEST of their campuses, NOT the worst. I honestly believe that Greek life will have an amazing impact on me, helping me become a better student, a better leader, a better philanthropist, and it allow me to make AMAZING and very positive friends, but how can I show this to my parents before rush starts? Since I won’t be able to actually PROVE it until I am part of a sorority, what can I do right NOW to convince them that it won’t be a negative experience for me? Any suggestions? Maybe some statistics that I haven’t been able to come up with? Anybody know of studies that compared ALL college students to Greek students? Or perhaps, studies that focus on POSITIVE aspects of Greek life I can show them? I really want to be Greek, but I also want to obey my parent’s wishes. I need HELP!!!

[LeslieAGD]

I understand that your parents' opinion is obviously very important to you, but remember that it is your money, your life, your experience. I would contact the Greek office at your school and see if they have a parent pamphlet. Try to find out why your parents have these opinions of Greeks and expose them the positive aspects that you've discovered though your "research." If your parents value your opinion as much as you value theirs, they will make an effort to understand.

[jonsagara]

In my experience as a fraternity member, the only way to put a positive image in the parents' minds is to actually show them what a positive experience GLO membership can provide. That is to say, once you become a member, throw a Parents Weekend event to showcase all of the great things about your house. 99% of parents who have come to our Parents Weekend with negative pre-conceived images of Greek life leave with a totally different and positive opinion about how their sons are spending their college lives.

I'm sure the same holds true for sororities. Evidently, lip service will not do the job - you will have to prove by your actions that being a member of a GLO is a complement, not a detriment, to a rewarding college experience.

When a parent's mind is made up, statistics aren't going to change it, but if your parents aren't (or can't) pay for your school, what kind of say do they really have on your social and philanthropic extra-curricular activities? You seem to understand college is more than books and classes. And it's great to see you have done your research!

It's hard enough for parents to let their children "go" and send them off to college, and then to do something they (wrongly) assume will be detrimental. All you can do is give them a big hug when you leave, let them know you are trustworthy, have a good head on your shoulders, and that you will email them every week. Then go and have fun and get an education!!

[AOIIBrandi]

Well, since one of the things you mentioned is that your parents think your grades will slip you could mention the following...

Greek Letter Organizations (GLOs) have a minimum GPA requirement for membership. They all differ, but are above 2.0, the requirement does not stop after rush.

Generally the GPA requirement for someone to stay active in the chapter and be able to partake in all rights and priveliges is above a 2.5 (ours was 2.65) per semester. This does not mean that if you don't make grades you are out, but it does mean that you will probably lose some priveliges such as voting or attending non-mandantory events, and you will probably have to meet with the scholarship chair to discuss an action plan to bring your grades up.

In order for a chapter to stay active and have all rights and priveliges on campus the chapter as a whole must "make grades" meaning that the semester GPA for the chapter must AT LEAST meet the GPA of the all women's (for sororities) or all men's (for fraternities) average for the semester.

I don't have a statistic for philanthropy, but maybe someone can help. I would bet that as a whole greeks on college campuses do a majority of the community service percentage.

Hope some of this helps

[FuzzieAlum]

This is definitely something I would ONLY recommend as a last resort, but ...

A girl I knew in school had parents who were dead-set against her going Greek. So she just didn't tell them until after initiation. At that point it was a done deal.

Of course your parents can't cut you off financially, but it makes sense you'd want to be on good terms with them. There are some people who's mind you just can't change by arguments, though. If your parents are like that, the only way they'll come to terms with you being Greek is by you having been Greek a while and having no ill effects from it. If it's right for you, do it, and eventually they will accept it. They might harangue you a little, but I doubt they'll disown you or anything that bad.

[UNFSigmaChi]

My parents had a real negative opinion about greek life and still do. They didn't know the entire first year that i had joined Sigma Chi. Then over the summer i wore my pledge class t-shirt and asked me whats up and i had to confess. They were really upset and since then haven't paid for my college. Even though they still hate the fact that im "wasting my money and time on that damn fraternity(least they don't call it a frat)" they told me they felt like a joined a good one. It sucks that they don't appreciate me being greek and especially when im the only brother who's parents aren't there for parents weekend, but you have to respect their opinion. Because of them not paying for my college i have definatly grown more responsible and self-confident. Since being a brother for 4 years and being on the deans list the last two and soon to graduate in a year they FINALLY told me they'd give me $1000 for tuition and,"not to think that by doing this that they support me being greek!" haha love my parents to death. But hey definatly rush no matter what your parents say, you will prove them wrong over the course of the next few years. Join a good one, be active, and never take being a sister for granted.

[EM1843]

I'd have to agree with some of the other posters here. The best way to tell them about greek life is to show them it. Once you join make sure they come to things like parents weekend and other events of that type. If they are available and you talk to your future sisters they might even be able to help in planning a planthropy or something.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I think that you should emphasize to your parents what a great job they did raising you. Show them by your actions that you are responsible and intelligent. If their only information about greek life comes from the media, they are probably concerned about your health and safety. Let them know that you would never do anything that would compromise your safety or your education. Check out the greek life section of your college's website with your parents. This might alleviate some of their concerns. Good luck!

[justhey76]

Originally posted by lauren1874


What I was really posting to mention, though, was this: When I pledged Sigma Kappa, we had to sign a promise of financial responsibility. This was also sent to our parents to be signed by them. Even if we were paying all of our expenses, our parents had to "co-sign," as it were, for our sorority expenses. One of the girls in my pledge class had to depledge because her parents were so against her participation in a sorority that she couldn't bring herself to take them the papers to sign, convinced that they would say no. This was a document required by Nationals for initiation into the sorority, so without it she couldn't continue her pledgeship. Another girl in my pledge class was 21 years old at the time and financially independent, but her parents still had to sign the papers.

I don't know how many other groups (or if any at all) require that kind of documentation, but it's something to think about...

Oh NO!!! I am absolutely POSITIVE that my parents will not sign anything like this. Should I factor this into the descision making process? How can I find out which sororities might require this on my campus? If it helps, they are
Delta Zeta
Alpha Sigma Alpha
Sigma Sigma Sigma
and Alpha Omicron Pi
I looked around on the national and local webpages for info about that after I read this, and its pretty hard to find anything about that, so I am still in the dark. Any other resources? Or maybe you know if these houses require that parent signature?
PS Thanks for all the advice.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Check out www.npcwomen.org which is the website for the National Panhellenic Conference. There are links to the sororities that you mentioned in the organizations section.

[DeltAlum]

Do any of the sororities on the campus have local alumni chapter (sorry, I know that may be the wrong use of the word, but that's just something I never bothered learning) in your area. It might help if your parents could chat with someone their age who has been through the Greek experience.

Maybe you could also show them the Nationals websites.

I don't know about other GLO's but Delt has an incoming "800" number. Would it help for your parents to talk to someone at a headquarters?

Just some thoughts.

By the way, Delt does ask pledges and parents to sign a financial responsibility form. Sorry.

Good luck.

My mother was very much against me rushing. She had to deal with my cousin being hazed, since he went to school in the city we live in and her sister told her to watch after him. Him being taking to the ER twice didnt help my cause. My cousin even to a point didnt want me rushing even though he is still involved with his fraternity.
But I did what everyone else said...I rushed anyways. I did tell her however. I figured since I was paying for 99% of my college and it was something that I wanted to do. plus Id be paying for the sorority...I should do it.
The first things she asked when I joined was did I get hazed and I honestly told her no. But I would tell her about the things we do and after awhile she got more comfortable with it to the point that now she kinda brags about the house, looks at all the stuff I get and today I got a letter from a close sister in another near mine chapter, LeslieAGD, but she didnt know and smiled and asked if it was from my little sister. She tells me that I am one dedicated person and is kind of in awe at how into it I'm in.
Go for it and just show your parents what being Greek is REALLY all about. They arent always going to agree with or support everything you do, but no matter what they will always love you and be there (generally ).

*sidenote*
I never had to sign a financial responsibilty form for Alpha Gam as far as I can remember and I know my mom definately never got one.

[ROWDYsister]

My parents don't understand the whole Greek thing either...it's not that they have a negative image of Greek life, it's just that they don't see a point to me being in a social organization. But they still support me, financially and in every other way, b/c they see that it makes me happy. It's as simple as that. When the huge semester bills arrive they ask me if I think it's worth it, and I say, "I love it. I love my sisters. College wouldn't be the same without them." By this point my sorority is just a part of my life...it's where I dine, live, hang out with my best friends, do good things for the community, study, etc.

Point is, sometimes parents don't fully support you, but they come around. Though I usually have no prob keeping a detail or two from my parents, the whole sorority thing is going to come out eventually (you can't hide something so important to you for the rest of your life!) and you might as well make your intentions clear from the beginning. Strike a deal with them about signing the parent forms, that the second you show any significant sign of being disrespectful, snobby, rude, materialistic, etc. (set guidelines!! no loopholes!!), you'll reconsider going Greek and reevaluate how you can put your future first. Show them that you're not out-of-control, you're not letting your grades suffer, and be the sweetheart you always have been...Good luck!

ps: please keep us updated!

[kristiAZD]

Honey, I say if YOU are paying for EVERYTHING, they really don't have a say in it. I actually didn't tell my parents until Bid Day and I had already signed. I had never wanted to go through rush (so my parents probably didn't think I would), I just thought I'd give it a whirl. But when I told my mom she wasn't upset about it. She just asked how i was going to pay for it. My grandma ended up helping me that first semester, but I have paid for it ever since. Although they were never really against it, now they realize how much it has impacted my life and made me a more well-rounded person. There are so many pluses, as you have probably heard a million times, but for me my sorority helped me figure out what I REALLY wanted to do with my life ( public relations, after serving as PR VP), given me so many lifelong friends and a wonderfully involved college experience. I have gotten so much out of it, it was the best decision I ever made. It is your money, and if they are willing to let you be grown up enough to pay for your school they should accept that you are now an adult capable of making grown up decisions. GOOD LUCK!!