A Bad American!!

[archangel12]

One of my friends sent me this in an e-mail foward. I thought it basically true. Maybe it's the Republican in me coming out. See what you all think.

George Carlin Speaks Out...

I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin. I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, you'd better do it in English. I'm not in touch with my feelings and I like it that way.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents. I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.

I want to know, which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches. And where does he get his money. And why is he always part of the problem and not the solution.

I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. This also applies to sexuality. I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason.

I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized. I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions. I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July. My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it. I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I am freezing my ass through a long winter?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut up already.

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you are breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation of the world for the next four years.

I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.

I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the perfect food. I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. I think Dr. Seuss was a genius.

I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

[cash78mere]

even as a staunch democrat, i am definitely feeling carlin on this. so much of what is said is exactly how i feel.

except:
about owning a gun.
about global warming. hello!!!...the icebergs are MELTING!
about beef jerky. ugh
about college.

he is so on the money about everything else. and that crack about the ballots is the funniest thing i have read in a while!

[shopgirl]

George Carlin is awesome!!!

[Kevin]

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4-7 years of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

That's the only one I'll really have to disagree with. Although I think if you've never had a real job then that statement holds water (don't know what he means about Blockbuster though)

I'm a party-line voting Republican and most of that stuff adequately describes the platform of my ideal candidate

LHT
Kevin

[Dionysus]

Where's the democrat version....better yet the centrist version?

[Hootie]

" I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again. "

I WISH!

[SATX*APhi]

Originally posted by Hootie
" I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again. "

I WISH!

Actually, this IS illegal! You can only turn left from the "left turning lane." I've never seen anyone pulled over for it; I have no idea why cops do not like to enforce this!! It really ticks me off!!!!!!!!!

[LeslieAGD]

Originally posted by archangel12
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years in the desert after getting chased out of Egypt, I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut up already.

Amen!

[volgirl2376]

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.


I would rather my money go to people in our country, regardless of their hardships...instead of trying to fix other countries problems. I mean why should my money go to another country to supply their educational materials when millions of schools right here in the good ol usa have students have scarce books, computers, and other materials. and rebuilding countries that hate us? come on....call me crazy but i dont understand this.


I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States.

And why is it that when the ex- president had an affair...its the publics right to know whats going on...giving no regard to the feelings of his family...but yet when the current presidents daughters run wild, drink illegally, and do other questionable things...its a private family matter...shame on you for prying.

[Dionysus]

Originally posted by volgirl2376

I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is sex, and it is sex for both of you. This even applies when you are President of the United States.

And why is it that when the ex- president had an affair...its the publics right to know whats going on...giving no regard to the feelings of his family...but yet when the current presidents daughters run wild, drink illegally, and do other questionable things...its a private family matter...shame on you for prying.
[/B]

This reminds when he said "I did not know anything about 9/11!" That sounds a little familiar, hint...hint.."I did not have sexual relations with that woman!"

[KappaStargirl]

Originally posted by archangel12

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents. I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.

Hallelujah!!! I thought I was the only person who felt this way. Parents: Watch your children. Don't leave them at the library for 8 hours a day all summer and then complain when you don't have good relationships with them when you get older. And they'll pry my gun out of my cold dead hands. I was raised with guns in the house and taught their proper usage, and I feel safer because of it... I would NEVER hurt another person.

[Honeykiss1974]

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents. [/B]

This, along with a few others, is a piece of garbage! It DOES take a village to raise a child ! (A village = parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, neighbors, etc.). Why does he think that parents take the time to find a good neighborhood, good schools, etc. for their children

But since this is coming from a comedian, I do take his opinions with a grain of salt.

[carnation]

Honeykiss, you're right about how it does take a village to raise our children but I think what George Carlin meant was that he's sick of the sorry people who rely totally on the rest of us to raise their children. Like the ones KappaStarGirl spoke about, who leave their kids at the library 8 hours or the mall from 9 to 9 and blame the administrators if the kids get in trouble. Or the ones who take no time to work with their children and scream at the teachers if the children make a B. Or those who let their kids run wild around the neighborhood and go berserk if you approach them about the damage their kids did to your yard.

I've worked with Girl Scouts since 1970 and have seen this problem become much, much worse over the years.

[ZTAngel]

Originally posted by archangel12
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation of the world for the next four years.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I grew up in the West Palm Beach/Broward County area which is where the ballot confusion took place. Personally, I think the scariest part of the whole mess is that the same people who could not figure out how to use the ballot are the same people who get in their big Lincoln Towncar and drive 30mph in the left lane on I-95 while abruptly changing lanes without a glance to check the lane to next to them for any oncoming cars.

[Betarulz!]

This wasn't actually written by George Carlin...I thought it seemed way too conservative for him. Carlin's genius comes through in his criticism of both liberals and conservatives, but for the most part I think he tends to have a more liberal set of values...(at least i think so)http://www.snopes2.com/language/document/carlin.htm