Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyPiNK_FL
I kinda feel the same about it. If we've been doing this for 40 years how does one even go about starting over again? You're definitely not a "hot piece of a**" anymore. What does one do?! It'd take some really dirty goings-on (ala infidelity, abuse) for me to throw in the towel at that point. Even from what I've observed most couples just sleep separately or even live separately but don't get divorced. So if it's really not any of those things then is one of them (or both) really just that annoying?
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1) You don't necessarily have to start over again. You may just decide that you don't want to be married at all anymore.
2) The definition of a "hot piece of a**" changes as you get older. There are attractive older people, to other older people. You may not be a hot piece to a 20 or 30 year old, but to another 60+, you could be.
3) If you look at Erikson's stages of psychosocial development, you have two phases to consider (this is long, pasted from Wikipedia):
Care: Generativity vs. Stagnation (Middle Adulthood, 35 to 65 years)
* Psychosocial Crisis: Generativity vs. Stagnation
* Main Question: "Will I produce something of real value?"
* Virtue: Care
* Related Elements in Society: parenting, educating, or other productive social involvement
Generativity is the concern of establishing and guiding the next generation. Socially-valued work and disciplines are expressions of generativity. Simply having or wanting children does not in and of itself achieve generativity.
During middle age the primary developmental task is one of contributing to society and helping to guide future generations. When a person makes a contribution during this period, perhaps by raising a family or working toward the betterment of society, a sense of generativity- a sense of productivity and accomplishment- results. In contrast, a person who is self-centered and unable or unwilling to help society move forward develops a feeling of stagnation- a dissatisfaction with the relative lack of productivity.
[edit] Central tasks of Middle Adulthood
* Express love through more than sexual contacts.
* Maintain healthy life patterns.
* Develop a sense of unity with mate.
* Help growing and grown children to be responsible adults.
* Relinquish central role in lives of grown children.
* Accept children's mates and friends.
* Create a comfortable home.
* Be proud of accomplishments of self and mate/spouse.
* Reverse roles with aging parents.
* Achieve mature, civic and social responsibility.
* Adjust to physical changes of middle age.
* Use leisure time creatively.
* Love for others
Wisdom: Ego Integrity vs. Despair (Seniors, 65 years onwards)
* Psychosocial Crisis: Ego Integrity vs. Despair
* Main Question: "Have I lived a full life?"
* Virtue: Wisdom
As we grow older and become senior citizens we tend to slow down our productivity and explore life as a retired person. It is during this time that we contemplate our accomplishments and are able to develop integrity if we see ourselves as leading a successful life. If we see our life as unproductive, or feel that we did not accomplish our life goals, we become dissatisfied with life and develop despair, often leading to depression and hopelessness.
The final developmental task is retrospection: people look back on their lives and accomplishments. They develop feelings of contentment and integrity if they believe that they have led a happy, productive life. They may instead develop a sense of despair if they look back on a life of disappointments and unachieved goals
I can see it being possible that, as you go through these phases, you realize that you don't have a ton of time left and you really aren't happy with your mate. Given that, you could decide to make drastic changes so that you can end your life on a more happy note for you personally.
I have a sorority chapter sister who was staying married to a real douchebag (to borrow a phrase from Xanthus). She planned to leave him and live her life the way she wanted to when the kids were grown. She died suddenly at age 42, with three kids in high school. She died married to that douchebag. I will always be sad for her that she never escaped until she died.
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