Cheating Men

Professor · #1 05-06-2002, 12:30 PM

I've always thought that folk cheat because they are not being satisfied in one way or another. Here lately, I regret to say that I have found myself in the very predicament that I loathe and detest. Women are always talking about men and cheating. I don't know if it is in a mans nature to cheat but I have found given the right set up, one can easily to be persuaded and tempted.

sunnydays96 · #2 05-06-2002, 01:16 PM

So are you trying to say that it may not be in a man's nature to cheat but if a woman does her best she can pursuade a man to cheat and therefore it's the woman's fault if he does?

Professor · #3 05-06-2002, 01:24 PM

Ummmmm, Yes and No - I think it is more difficult for a man to resist the lure of a woman. Women can come on really strong and once they "put it in your face" so to speak, it is really "hard" not to respond. Although sad but true, women normally control their actions better than men - I think!

Professor · #4 05-06-2002, 01:29 PM

Also, while women are talking about the lack of commitment from men, many don't mind sleeping with someone that they know is trying to remain in a committed relationship. And for the brothers, i'm not saying this is an appropriate response but I can now appreciate how we get caught up in the wrong situation.

sphinxpoet · #5 05-06-2002, 04:19 PM

That is why you have to do your best to avoid those situations. Know your limitations........If you are in that situation as HARD as it may be walk away before the situation gets really HOT AND HEAVY! And if there is really someone out there that is making you feel like that then you may need to reconsider the relationship.

Sphinxpoet

Blackwatch · #6 05-06-2002, 04:30 PM

I think the main factor in men cheating is the attitude of entitlement that certain men have especially when they reach a certain status in society. It was almost a given that men like Micheal Jordan and Bill Clinton, (Even to a certain extent Jessie Jackson, Bill Cosby, Julius Earving, Magic Johnson, etc) would cheat because they were 'entitled' to cheat in their own minds and in the minds of many in society to a degree. But never say women like Oprah Winfrey can cheat, because of a double standard that exists between men and women (when men cheat, we are "studs", but when women cheat, they are 'sluts'). Also, women like men with confidence (on any level) and men with higher amounts of power and influence will definately exude confidence. Also with the perception of there being very few 'Good' black men out there, black women are more and more likely to "share" a man. I think these factors play into the high incidence of infidelity in our community.

But I do not think that men cannot control themselves. If we as men took responsibility for maintaining a committed relationship more seriously from the beginning, then I think we could resist the strongest of women's advances. I once had a friend from college marry a good friend of mine from high school. The friend from college (a man) was saying that he couldn't understand why his wife complained about him still going out on dates with other women

. He said "She knows I'm coming home to her, so what's the problem?" as if he never really expected to remain faithful to his wife. I think men need to take commitment more seriously and more women need to respect a man's commitment to another woman. Just my opinion.
Blackwatch!!!!

BearyCuteAPhi · #7 05-06-2002, 04:41 PM

Blackwatch,

I completely agree with you on this one!

Ronnie

Zetaphied · #8 05-06-2002, 06:05 PM

It takes two to cheat. Often times neither party is totally innocent, meaning they both know that they are hurting someone. I think everyone has it in them to cheat, women are no more different than men. I don't care how committed you are in a relationship if you place yourself in situations that post a high temptation risk, it's hard for you to be "good." On the flip side though this has definitely changed as there seems to be a disturbingly growing number of "bad" girls than there are "good" girls out there...women were always thought to always stick with one man, and that only whores cheat and deal with several men at one time. Perhaps the shame or believed shame that people think it will bring upon them keeps them from misbehaving half the time, when they know that without these self imposed limitations they'd be all over the place buck wilding.

Conskeeted19 · #9 05-09-2002, 02:32 AM

We must talk soon!!!!!
Houston We Have A Problem!

TLAW · #10 05-09-2002, 08:35 AM

Sphinx said it best. It is hard, but the key is to remove yourself from as many compromising situations as possible. I refuse to blame my xy for falling short. As a man, if I cheat, then I am not a real man. Still, with all the distractions, it is almost too easy of a pitfall to fall into, so we have to fortify ourselves.

Koss28 · #11 05-09-2002, 12:52 PM

I get tired of all this men cheating crap and male bashing stuff going around. I've never cheated on a GF before I've been cheated on by 2 and of course I didn't get any sympathy. It was always the "What did you do to them?" response that I got. So I think it can go both ways. Another guy I knew had been married like 15 or 20 years and found out his wife had been cheating on him ever since they got married and they had 2 children. So all I can really say if, "You do the vice, you pay the price." If you're will to cheat be it man or woman then you shouldn't be in a relationship.

Koss28

Professor · #12 05-09-2002, 01:59 PM

I totally agree that men get a bad rap. Women are always saying "he this" and "he that!" I certainly am not advocating cheating is responsible for men or women. My point is I can now see more clearly how men are lured to other women. For me, I had no intention to start my marriage with this hanging over my head. The fact of the matter is that is was not emotional - - just timing and a physical thing. I'm not in love nor do I have any feelings for the young lady. She seduced me and at some point I just was not strong enough to resist. I'm sorry it happened. This experience has just been an eye opener for me. Clients and friends that talk of the issue of cheating normally get no sympathy from me but I now have first hand experience and realize that there can be contributing factors other than ones mate not satisfying him or her.

Quote:

Originally posted by Koss28
I get tired of all this men cheating crap and male bashing stuff going around. I've never cheated on a GF before I've been cheated on by 2 and of course I didn't get any sympathy. It was always the "What did you do to them?" response that I got. So I think it can go both ways. Another guy I knew had been married like 15 or 20 years and found out his wife had been cheating on him ever since they got married and they had 2 children. So all I can really say if, "You do the vice, you pay the price." If you're will to cheat be it man or woman then you shouldn't be in a relationship.

Koss28

DST Love · #13 05-09-2002, 03:46 PM

Okay enough of the excuses. Life is choices, life is consequences, life is self control.

Example, I work out and lift weights several times a week and try to eat healthy about 5 days a week. I do all this for health and appearance. Now there are times during those 5 days that I would love to eat junk or times when I don't feel like working out and just want to go home after work and sprawl out, however I have a choice to make. Do I (a) want to eat whatever I want and never lift a finger thus making me overweight or do I (b) use my self control and do what I need to do to have the result that will make me feel (and look) my best?

Same in cheating. Do you go for the quick thoughtless gratifying choice that will probably result in hurt feelings, anger, destruction, and a loss of something/someone important or do you use the self control God blessed us with to try and make sure that you are not intentionally hurting anyone.

Don't make excuses. People have to learn not to put themselves in tempting situations. And so what you may have to give up some things that YOU want to do so that your marriage can work. Again, life is choices. If having certain freedoms are more important than making a marriage last, then that's the choice one has to make.

My opinion is that marriages in this day and age don't last because everyone still wants to act just like they did when they were single. People today are just so damn selfish. I swear!! Always trying to justify why they messed up. People should just make it plain and simple and say, "At whatever moment I messed up, I was completely selfish, thought only of myself, my needs and my wants. At no time during my selfish moment did I stop to think about those that would be affected by my actions. I felt I had to do what I wanted to do regardless of how the people I love would want me to do otherwise or regardless of how they may be hurt."

TLAW · #14 05-09-2002, 03:59 PM

What DST said is rough, but nevertheless true. We cannot make excuses for cheating. It is something we have to rise above, but i cannot get "holier-than-thou" with Professor. I don't know the circumstances, and it is too easy for me to say that I wouldn't make the same mistake, looking at whatever happened from the outside.
It only gets worse. I don't know what you happened between you and the young lady, nor is it my business, but the good thing is that you seem truly bothered by it. As a fellow man, I must ask: what are you gonna do about your significant other? Gonna 'fess up?
One thing I have to say is that myth of men being bigger or worse at infidelities than women is quickly being eroded.

DST Love · #15 05-09-2002, 05:07 PM

I personally don't call people cheating a mistake. A mistake is when you grab the wrong keys for the car or something. Cheating is a conscious decision. You can't tell me that when people cheat they are not even for a quick moment thinking about the person they are cheating on. They just don't care enough to not go through with it.

No I have never cheated on my fiance or anyone else and never will. Of course there have been situations in the past where I could have but once I realized that situations had the potential to get out of hand for whatever reasons, I removed myself from them permanently. There will always be tempting situations but one has to take every measure to remove themselves from those situations.

Again, back to my previous post, I would love to eat junk everyday (can't you tell I love junk

) but I can't. So I don't keep any junk in the house. If I get a taste for some junk during those five days then the fact that I would have to leave the house to go buy it forces me to think about if I really NEED it or just WANT it. However, if I had the junk constantly in my house, then I would probably eat it every rip.

Point: Don't put yourself or don't let others put you in tempting situations, because we are humans and when constantly tempted, we probably are doomed to give in.

I'm not trying to be harsh just dropping my opinion. And yes I believe someone can be forgiven after cheating and things can work out afterwards. However, why not just save all the hurt and drama by not cheating in the first place. That's all I'm saying.