Not Keen on Having Kids support thread

[deepimpact2]

I'm a member of another forum and some of us decided to create a thread on there for those who don't want kids, and need a place to vent about inappropriate comments or questions they get when others become aware of that fact. So I thought I might start one on here.

Are there any GCers who know that they don't ever want kids? Do you ever find yourself harshly criticized because of this?

[KSigkid]

My only concern is that this thread could become a bit of a mess - I think there have been threads like this before, and it ends up being more of an "anti-parent" or "anti-pregnancy" thread than a pro-"choice not to get pregnant" thread.

Not saying that this thread will go that way, but hopefully people will be respectful of those who have chosen to have children, as well as those who have chosen not to do so.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

My only concern is that this thread could become a bit of a mess - I think there have been threads like this before, and it ends up being more of an "anti-parent" or "anti-pregnancy" thread than a pro-"choice not to get pregnant" thread.

Not saying that this thread will go that way, but hopefully people will be respectful of those who have chosen to have children, as well as those who have chosen not to do so.

I find that these things are generally more "anti-people who don't want kids" and not the other way around. The people who don't want kids could usually not care less that others choose to have children, but for some reason, it doesn't work the opposite way around.

[AOII_LB93]

What about those of us who want children eventually, but hate it when others bring their children into situations where they were not invited or welcome? I hate it, but I know it makes me look bad. I like kids, I just prefer them relatively well-behaved.

[AOII Angel]

I don't want kids. I like my lifestyle. If it's selfish, than that's my right to be selfish. I don't need people telling me that I NEED to have children, that I will regret not having children, that I will have no one to care for me when I am old or that I will change my mind. These statements usually come from people who know very little about me but feel that they should counsel me and save me from my "mistake." It's a little rude to say the least.

[CutiePie2000]

http://www.nokidding.net/

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

It is similar to marriage to me. Some people think about marriage and/or kids all of their lives whereas the rest of us are BLAH about it until the timing is right FOR US and we find the one we'd like to make that commitment and blessing with.

AMEN.

i don't really want kids either. i haven't really gotten any negative comments abt it, but my friends do look at me crazy when i say it, and i think that some of them don't think i'm serious.

interestingly enough when i took a class called the sociology of deviance i discovered that women that don't want to have children are considered deviant by society. which is a no-brainer considering that we have been raised to have important life goals such as getting married and having kids.

but *I* don't think i'm missing out on life. rather, i think i'd be missing out if i had kids.

[/my first vent on gc ]

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

What about those of us who want children eventually, but hate it when others bring their children into situations where they were not invited or welcome? I hate it, but I know it makes me look bad. I like kids, I just prefer them relatively well-behaved.

This.

Alot of people assume that just because you get annoyed with kids behaving inappropriately in public or being present in places where they shouldn't be, that you "hate kids."

Not true. I actually like kids. I just don't like (for example) kids kicking my seat at the R rated movie that I paid to see (that they technically shouldn't even be watching).

[tld221]

Yay, ive found my home.

It's hard to be of the "kids? don't want them, don't need them" category when you work for a children's non-profit. I'm forced to pretend to like children, or at the very least tolerate them. When my bosses bring their kids in, everyone's all "OMGZ he/she's so CUUUUUUUTE!" it's a little nauseating.

i don't like the pressure of feeling like i SHOULD want children. and most people think im great with kids, would be a great parent. children are permanent. no takebacks. not interested.

I'm with KSU on the kids in R-rated theaters kicking chairs, and other reminiscent behavior, especially kids in restaurants after hours. or running amuck in department stores, public transit...

ok, ill stop now. this thread is a trigger word for me.

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by tld221

Yay, ive found my home.

It's hard to be of the "kids? don't want them, don't need them" category when you work for a children's non-profit.

LMAO

Such is the life of nonprofit pros. We get jobs that match our skills, but not necessarily our passions.

[AGDee]

Obviously, I'm not a person who doesn't want kids because I have two teenagers that I would trade for the world. HOWEVER, I think it's important to know yourself and know what you want. Nobody should have kids out of pressure from someone else (including a spouse) because it's HARD to be a parent, even when it's what you really want. It takes an inordinate amount of patience, money, time and sacrifice. I love my kids and have loved being a parent most of the time but I'm also counting down the years (5!) until they are both in college and I will have my life all to myself again. There are a lot of people who think I'm strange because I'm looking forward to having an "empty nest", but after almost 16 years of this incredible responsibility, I'm ready to do my own thing without thinking about anybody else's needs first. I think it will be a liberating thing, not a scary thing, but then, I have an identity outside of "daughter's mom" or "son's mom".

And, people always tell me "You don't stop being a parent when they turn 18", I think of it more like this.. when they turn 18, I am no longer responsible for them 24/7 as I am now. They will be adults and yes, they will need me in some ways, but it surely won't be the same as it is now.

One of the social workers that I worked with in adolescent psych has worked with children her whole career. She is now a school social worker. Her husband works for the Boys & Girls Club. They chose to be childless even though they are both wonderful with kids. They focus their talents on kids who need them but feel too independent to be tied down with kids of their own (and they both aren't sure they would have been able to deal with their own kids after spending all day with the kids they work with!). Very neat couple who were strong enough to know themselves.

So, for those who choose not to have kids, I most definitely support you, no matter what your reasons! Kudos to you!

[Jimmy Choo]

I'm not sold on having children yet myself. Somedays it sounds like a good plan...others not so much. And in all honesty I don't like kids, I like babies! Babies are cute, and they coo, and giggle and blow bubbles. Kids can be like mini-Satan's that tell you how much they hate you and say no all the time. When I remember that babies grow up into kids and then (even worse) teenagers....I think being childless sounds like a great plan.

AGDee said it best...you HAVE to want them!! Some people think you will want them after you have them. I personally think you have to WANT them first. Being a parent is hard work and it can be a thankless job. You HAVE to want it.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by Jimmy Choo

And in all honesty I don't like kids, I like babies! Babies are cute, and they coo, and giggle and blow bubbles. Kids can be like mini-Satan's that tell you how much they hate you and say no all the time. When I remember that babies grow up into kids and then (even worse) teenagers....I think being childless sounds like a great plan.

we are >here<.
i feel like at every stage there is a problem. babies poop and cry. toddlers mess up ur house and throw tantrums. kids talk too much and are annoying. teenagers think they know everything and make u homicidal.

im so glad my bf agrees with me on this. we're not crazy abt kids right now.

[DaemonSeid]

Question for everyone responding: Does looking at the world and what's going on around us (unsafe school environments, child abuse, preganancy, exposure to adult material at early ages etc) and how 'quickly' we see the world change around us also deters anyone from having kids?

[ThetaPrincess24]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

What about those of us who want children eventually, but hate it when others bring their children into situations where they were not invited or welcome? I hate it, but I know it makes me look bad. I like kids, I just prefer them relatively well-behaved.

Well I would agree with that. I am having a Lia Sophia party at my house tomorrow evening. My invitation stated "No children please" because my house is not baby/toddler/small child proof. I have sharp corners and crystal. Not to mention these kinds of parties are really for adults. Actually I've had to put that on every party invitation in the past two years. If I dont, someone inevitably brings their kids whether it's something like Pampered Chef or casino/Las Vegas themed party.

Back when I was selling The Body Shop at Home I had an open house party and two people brought their kids. They were bored obviously, so they got into trouble. The toddler bumped his head on a sharp corner and tried to get into my cabinet under the sink. Then I got yelled at for having sharp corners and not having a safety tie on the cabinet doors---I was like ummm my kids are 10, 11, and 15 sharp corners close to the ground and getting into cabinets arent a problem for them nor do I take them to parties with me where they could get in trouble. She wasnt happy but I didnt really care. Just because you have kids doenst mean everyone else needs to bend over backwards to accomodate you.