sigh: my daughter was kicked out of her chapter

[ZTA72]

OK, was this thread locked and is now unlocked? Or was I seeing things?

[kiteflyersmom]

I am sorry for what happened to your daughter. Yes, when a child does something ill-advised, a parent often feels the pain right along with their child.

You might want to delete the posts because you never know who might be reading. Other than that, all I can say is things happen for a reason and there might be more to this story than your daughter is telling you. Parenting can be hard, especially if you're the last to know the whole truth. She's in college- let her bear the consequences of her actions. It's a learning experience for her. I hope I didn't come across as insensitive, but it is what it is. Also, don't let others make you feel badly as a parent. Nobody is in your shoes and they are not qualified to judge.

[Bella796]

Not to beat a dead horse or anything but maybe you should ask your daughter why she felt like breaking the rules and not try to put the blame on the roommate. Part of being an adult is accepting responsibility. You may not agree with most of the laws but they are the rules and there for a reason. When agreeing to join the organization you are agreeing to abide by the laws.

If the rule is clearly made known and documented in either the Organization's rules or the bylaws and this incident was documented and done in the proper procedure there is nothing you can do. I know each organization is different but I am sure that all of them know the proper procedure and process. Your daughter is not the first and will not be the last. I know that in some organizations there is an appeal process, but like I said if everything was done the way it should have been done and your daughter did break the rules then well you are S.O.L.

[BadCat25]

My chapter has a no men in the rooms policy but nobody pays any attention to it. My room mate does it all the time with her BF and it is just accepted that its OK. We are very strict about drugs in the chapter house and you will get kicked out if you bring them in. No second chances, you are just out.

[Zillini]

I suspect there is more to the story Mom, possible past history of other policy/rule violations. However, depending on the chapter, campus and GLO a one time event could have been enough. For my org this would have been a violation of house rules, Bylaws, housing lease, and Inat'l policy.

Please don't go blaming the room mate for being a tattle tale. She followed rules/policies, your daughter didn't. Plus I'll bet the room mate didn't appreciate having a guy in her room all night. After all it was HER room too.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by nittanyalum

Isn't OTW always the queen of GC?

Well . . . not when you are!

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Well . . . not when you are!

Very diplomatic, very, very diplomatic.

[srmom]

My chapter has a no men in the rooms policy but nobody pays any attention to it. My room mate does it all the time with her BF and it is just accepted that its OK.

Really? Wow! That is alot different than in my day. The 2nd floor was strictly NO MEN ALLOWED and if any of us had been caught with a boy in the room, we'd have been booted!!! QR and all...

[WVU alpha phi]

As other posters have said, this likely wasn't your daughter's first offense. I'll fess up to it and say I also broke this rule in college, similiar situation with a boyfriend out of state coming to visit. The only difference was my roommates didn't tell on me. ETA: removed my punishment per KSUViolet's posting regarding private disciplinary action. I will say that I obviously was not kicked out of my chapter.

The only other explaination I can think of is that her chapter is trying to make an example out of her as proof that they won't tolerate this behavior.

[Shellfish]

Originally Posted by OTW

If I were in her daughter's situation, knowing my mom, getting me back into the sorority would be the last thing on her priority list. I'd be lucky if she and I were still on speaking terms.

I could have written every word in this post myself.

[Munchkin03]

Clearly, your concern isn't that her daughter disobeyed house rules--more than once, probably--and that her roommate was probably fed up with your shacking little princess, it's OMG WHY DID TEH SORORITY DO THIS TO MY POOR VIRGINAL DAUGHTER?!

Too bad, so sad. Hopefully your daughter learned her lesson.

[baci]

Back in the day, we had an enormous amount of rules and the enforcers (of the rules) were some of the very same people who repeatedly broke the rules. There were very few angels out there.

We don't know all of the facts here and I would never pass judgement or give my opinion on this one. I do agree with kiteflyersmom in that parenting is VERY hard and you don't have a clue what it is like when you are the college student. In time you may and you will see things quite differently from the other side.

Please don't let others make you feel badly as a parent. We are not in your shoes; and who are we to pass judgement on you or your daughter? I wish you only the best in getting through this. Your daughter will get through this in her own way as well.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by MotherlyLove97

If a girl is kicked out of her sorority because she had a boy in her room, staying with her at night on one particular night, and her room mate went and told on her..is this permanent? Does she have a chance of getting her membership back? She was living in the sorority house at the time and the boy who snuck in to stay with her was her boyfriend of about two years. I do not at all approve of her actions, but I feel like her punishment was very harsh. Is anyone familiar with policies concerning this or know of anyone being accepted back into their sisterhood after a situation like this?
Thanks!
let-down mom

I think no-shacking rules are bullshit, and the roommate is a namby pamby little tattletale, but a rule is a rule.

My guess is that there are other reasons your daughter was kicked out that she isn't sharing with you.

[DaemonSeid]

The bigger question is:

Did they use a condom?

[agzg]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think no-shacking rules are bullshit, and the roommate is a namby pamby little tattletale, but a rule is a rule.

My guess is that there are other reasons your daughter was kicked out that she isn't sharing with you.

I tend to agree but in the roommate's defense, perhaps her boyfriend was being disruptive or rude, perhaps the daughter and her boyfriend were doing things that were certainly inappropriate to do with another person in the room, we don't really know. I could see that if the boyfriend was being a complete jackass to the roommate why she would tattle, it's her room, too, you know?

While I lived in the house one of my sisters had her boyfriend over and he left a window open during the winter, and her roommate's fish froze to death. That caused some issues but we never really enforce the no boys rules, only when there's something particularly important going on like during the week before initiation and all the ritual that goes along with it - it would suck to have a sister forget that her boyfriend was sleeping upstairs and have him walk in on a ceremony!