Dropping Out of My Sorority

[KSUViolet06]

I know I'm double posting, but also:

It seems as if you're looking for people here to say " OMG how DARE your sisters not automatically just walk up to you and talk to you, make plans with you and just wanna hang out with you all the time. Who cares if you don't go to stuff?"

We aren't going to tell you that.

It's a pretty simple concept:

If you go to events and talk to girls, you make friends.

If you DON'T go to events, you don't make friends.

It's simple as that.

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

You're asking a bunch of strangers for help and we were presented with only a few details. Did you expect copious amounts of sunshine blown up the ass? Sorry honey, you won't find that here.

When I was in chapter, we had to get the semester's events squared away well in advance. For example, the Fall events were set in stone by finals week the previous Spring.

Mixers aren't the only means of getting to know your sisters so don't even try to use that as an excuse. Same thing about not having a house. Ever heard of asking them to have lunch somewhere on campus? My collegiate chapter does not have a house, but the sisterhood was still there.

If all you're going to do is complain about how you're not making any friends because you're stuck in self-pity, then go ahead...QUIT.

And regarding this:

If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

How were we supposed to know that you have a medical condition when all you say is "I always have plans when we have socials" ? You can't fault us for thinking that you sound like someone who would always rather go out with other friends when that's all the information you give us. The words "plans" has a connotation of social plans for most people.

About socials planned...I guess that's a campus culture thing. We knew our whole social calendar at the beginning of each semester (minus the grab-a-dates, but that's the point), and I know this is common at many schools. Besides, with paperwork that needs to be sent to your advisors, I don't see how a social could be planned in only 2 weeks (unless it's an illegal one). Now do you see why many GCers jumped to these conclusions?

Anyway, Greek Life is not just about socials. What events do you go to? Programming, sisterhood, philanthropy, meetings, etc? I'm sure your chapter doesn't cram everything it does into the wrong Friday night of every month. When I was a collegian, there was something to do almost every day in my chapter. Maybe it's different for yours.

What efforts do you make to hang out with your sisters? It's the little things that build frienships. Do you study with sisters of the same major/sisters you have classes with? Do you get lunch/dinner/coffee/ice cream/bagels with sisters? Another suggestion, though I don't know how far you have to drive to get home, but if if it's close enough to drive straight from school to the doctor on Saturday mornings instead of going home on Friday night, how about having a night in watching movies with a few sisters who don't feel like going out? That way you're not up too late but you can still have fun and get to know your sisters. There have to be some sisters who aren't going out on any given night. If you haven't made any effort to bond, you have to expect to feel alienated.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

Unlike with your sorority sisters, you did initiate contact with us. Keep your conundrum to yourself if you can't handle straight forward responses that are based on what you type.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by OTW

You're asking a bunch of strangers for help and we were presented with only a few details. Did you expect copious amounts of sunshine blown up the ass? Sorry honey, you won't find that here.

.....

Mixers aren't the only means of getting to know your sisters so don't even try to use that as an excuse. Same thing about not having a house. Ever heard of asking them to have lunch somewhere on campus? My collegiate chapter does not have a house, but the sisterhood was still there.

Amen.

To the OP... you asked us for advice, and everyone answered the question that you asked. You didn't say, "I have doctor's appointments, so I can't make it to a bunch of stuff... what should I do in order to socialize with my sisters?" Instead, you said, "I don't attend mixers and formal functions, and I'm thinking about dropping."

There's a BIG difference between those two statements.

You also have to understand that there have been numerous threads posted here recently which read almost identically to your original post. We're all repeating the same advice again (which is fine), but as of late, there are a large number of new members/recently initiated sisters who are just shrugging their shoulders, saying, "No one likes me. I guess I'll quit," before they even make an effort to get to know their sisters. You sounded exactly like them. So please don't get mad at us when you left out important details behind your story.

Also, my chapter doesn't have a house, either, and I never had a problem making friends. As I said, simply ask your sisters if you can tag along when they go somewhere. Or ask a sister to go to lunch with you. Or even just send them nice messages on Facebook every so often... Whatever you can do to make yourself seen and known will help!

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by Zeta13Girl

These are all things that might help us better answer your problem, although the other ladies are still right this doesnt prevent you from going to sisterhood events or asking a sister to meet up before the meeting to have dinner or hang out afterwards.

A great, and very easy suggestion. Chances are high that most sisters will be going to chapter meeting, so why not hang out before (ie dinner) or after (ie catch whatever TV show)?

[DrPhil]

Whatever the reason for wanting to leave, the thought process and steps to take are about the same. There are probably threads on this topic that folks can be directed to.

Her 2nd post is probably an example of why she's not connecting with her sisters. It's probably best that she leaves. They, and Greek life in general, probably don't cater to her fragilities as much as she wants them to.

I typed "probably" 4 times. I win.

To the OP, have you been initiated yet? Or are you still in your new member period? (Assuming your sorority is an NPC one) If you're a new member thinking about de-pledging,it might be difficult (or impossible, depending on the type of campus you're at) to go through rush and get a bid to another sorority. If you've already been initiated, you can't join another NPC sorority.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

Stop being defensive. No one is going to tell you that you are completely blameless in the situation. You didn't tell us that you had a medical issue. Do your sisters know why you haven't gone to socials? Get your big sis to help you fit into the chapter more. You can be friends with girls in and out of your pledge class, so spending time with your big sis may help you get to know others better. Unfortunately, everything that needs to be done to improve your relationship with your chapter will take work on your part. If you make an effort, I have a feeling that some of your sisters will meet you halfway. Seriously, no one here is being rude...we've all just seen this happen a MILLION TIMES!

[KSUViolet06]

We understand that you have a medical issue that requires that you go to the Dr. on Mondays, so you miss Friday night events.

Ok, but what about all the OTHER days of the week?

That leaves you plenty of opportunities to interact with other sisters.

So you can't really blame your experiences on that.

[VandalSquirrel]

Why not invite a sister or two to hang out with you before the social, or even go with you to the doctor. I can't count the number of times I've had sisters take me or have me take them to the doctor, or even some fratties who needed a big sister/mom because they were big babies about illness. I had to drive an hour and a half to see a specialist or go to another town/state and those sisters are some of the ones I am closest to. I knew I could count on them and it made seeing a cancer doctor a hell of a lot easier knowing my sister and a friend was with me. You might be surprised how many sisters would support you if you shared part of your life with them.

[APhiAnna]

I don't think anybody is being rude. I will try to offer a practical example:

One of my pledge sisters was feeling this way about our sorority our freshman year. She felt like she had no friends at all, and like nobody wanted to know her. The truth was that we just never saw her at anything. We all thought she was a very nice girl, but we didn't know anything about her and she never made effort to come to our events...a bunch of us freshman girls would send out a message about all meeting up for dinner, pre-gaming before a party, dinner before an invite, etc. and she would never come to anything.

Her parents pretty much forced her to live in the house, and although the first few weeks she'd decline our offers to go out (or even just watch TV in the TV room!), eventually she started realizing that coming to events (and that doesn't mean social, but that means little things like dinner at the house, a sister's birthday party, frozen yogurt runs, etc) she found she really clicked with all of us. She is now one of the most involved members of our sorority, and she regrets openly that she wasn't more involved earlier.

Chances are everybody thinks you are very nice, but they are probably indifferent because you don't make an effort to come to things. Although girls in general can be catty, in sororities people always want to like their sisters...just show up to some things and make an effort. Especially if you are a freshman they will be very open to getting to know you better.

If you don't attend anything, things will only get worse.

[sceniczip]

I sort of felt this way until really this past semester because I felt like I wasn't included as much as the rest of my pledge class. Now that I've started hanging out at the house more I see more of the girls and realized that they are all so sweet and I love all of them so much I can be very outgoing once I get to know somebody but at first I'm usually pretty shy (in most situations at least). It can be intimidating to try and get to know all the women in your chapter at once so try inviting just a couple to go grab lunch or something. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised. As has been mentioned before but deserves repeating, you get out what you put in I learned that the hard way lol. But now that I have a position and am around more I truly value every single one of my sisters and wouldn't trade Delta Gamma for anything.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

You don't need a house to hang out with people. Chapters who don't have houses usually do have a place where everyone congregates - the student center, the cafeteria, a certain sister's dorm or off campus apartment. Do you know where any of these places are as far as your sorority is concerned? Do you ever go there?

As far as the doctor is concerned - that's ONCE A MONTH. What about the other 3 Fridays and Saturdays of the month? What do your sisters do then? Do you know? Have you asked?

You get out of Greek life what you put into it. You are putting in nothing, therefore you are getting nothing.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by 33girl

As far as the doctor is concerned - that's ONCE A MONTH. What about the other 3 Fridays and Saturdays of the month? What do your sisters do then? Do you know? Have you asked?

Exactly. And what about after your chapter meetings, don't you all go out to eat or anything?

My chapter didn't have a house. My school was a commuter campus, so after classes everyone went home...I went to my dorm room (and I was in a residential hall clear across campus where NONE of my sorority sisters lived). I didn't have a car to go and hang out with my sisters whenever I wanted, so I made the effort to hang out whenever I could. After monday chapter meetings, we'd all go eat pizza. If I had a break during class, i'd go to the student union and hang out with whatever sisters were there. I'd invite my sisters to try some of my roommate's food (she was from China), we'd just sit outside and chat.

Mixers, socials, semi-formals aren't the only way to "hang out" with your sisters.

And no one's being rude. We're just being truthful, and maybe you don't want to hear the truth.