For the parents

[Senusret I]

For the parents of GC....

Are there any of you that kinda hope that their children don't try to pledge, go through rush, apply for membership?

It can be for any reason, such as knowing your kid doesn't want to do it for the right reasons, or that they're too sensitive to be cut harshly, or that you just KNOW them and know that Greek life won't be for them.

This came up in a conversation I had with a parent last week.

[srmom]

I guess I just kind of left it up to them. My oldest was not interested from the get go, he is involved in a sport, and didn't have the time or inclination. My second is loving every minute of greek life. Don't know about my third, he's still in high school, but he can do what he wants.

I think/hope that by the time they get to college, theyv'e been built up enough AND been knocked around enough to know who they are and where they stand socially. Hopefully, they have the confidence to handle rejection, and hopefully, they've been apprised of the realities of rushing.

BUT, I have boys, where rushing is much easier and more laid back, so my perspective is probably very different from a girl-mom. I have to admit, I'd probably be a wreck if I had a daughter rushing

I still think you have to let them find their own way, and help them along if they stumble. But, stumbling is how you gain maturity. I don't think you're doing your children any favors by trying to shield them from life's bumps and bruises.

Just my 2 cents

[Bamamom13]

Like srmom, my first did not want to rush. He was involved in a sport and didn't feel he had the time. My daughter went through rush as a freshman and ended up in tears. She was determined to go through again although I have to admit, I did discourage her somewhat. At her school, there is a seperate quota for upperclasswomen but rerushing is hard. She did rush and had a wonderful rush and is so happy in her sorority. She has always been very independent and my discouraging her did not matter at all.

[AnchorAlumna]

Oh no, I was hoping they would both go through and pledge. Daughter was dropped during formal recruitment - lots of tears, probably more on my part than hers. Then again, I was kind of relieved my chapter was no longer on campus - she probably would have turned up her nose at them LOL!
She eventually pledged through COB, but was never as active as I was in the sorority.
Her twin brother - I did not really expect him to pledge a fraternity, just not his personality. He did eventually pledge a sort of "non-traditional" fraternity - much like his father - and had many of the same experiences as in any fraternity, just without a house and a lot of the hazing.
Now we're working on the grandchildren angle...

[carnation]

I have hoped that the girls would. For some of them it was because they were very social and I knew they'd love it. For others, they needed to "become more social". In all those cases, it worked as we'd hoped (my husband was not Greek but he wanted them all to pledge too).

For the boys...we'll see. One is thinking of attending a college where the fraternities tend to be really wild and I'd hate to see him act like so many there do. There are quieter gfraternities but who knows which he'd be attracted to? He's been very involved in sports and various activities in high school and the only way to get heavily involved on some campuses is to go Greek--we don't want him to lose his drive.

Probably we'll just see where he goes and make sure he gets to attend some pre-recruitment parties; then he can at least make an educated decision.

[AOIIalum]

I have all boys, so like srmom I probably have a different perspective than if I had girls. I very much want them to at least think about rushing, as I believe that GLO membership is a good thing. Then again, I'm clearly biased! My husband was not greek, neither were our Fathers, so there isn't a legacy tradition there for them.

My oldest will be off to college somewhere in Fall 2009, and he's already made it very clear to me that he will not join a Fraternity. Period, he doesn't care about the benefits or experiences associated with membership. I'm hoping that he keeps an open mind and once he gets to college he'll see it isn't all parties, but in the end I doubt he'll pledge. I wish he would, but am not holding my breath.

Who knows about the next two, who will be off to college in Fall 2010 and Fall 2014. Like the oldest, I hope they'll each keep an open mind about Fraternity membership. It wouldn't surprise me if either or both rushed and joined, but we'll see when the time comes.

[ForeverRoses]

I also have all boys, and my husband was in a co-ed business fraternity, but not a social fraternity.

I have mixed feelings about my boys joining a fraternity. I would love for them to have the friendships and bonds that a fraternity brings, but no way do I want them to be hazed (my definition of hazing is not necessarily the same as the official definition). My oldest son's godfather is a Phi Kappa Tau and already talks about the day my son pledges.

I do want them to go find a nice AOII girl to get married to, though!

[AOIIalum]

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

I do want them to go find a nice AOII girl to get married to, though!

Oh, I'd be in heaven if just one of mine found a nice AOII girl to marry one day!

Another perspective: I was at a cookout yesterday and ran into a sorority sister with her family. While we were chatting, she mentioned that she had some formal pictures from college framed around the house, and her girls love looking at them. They asked if they could be "in mommy's club" in college and wanted to know if they could have parties if they joined! Mind you, they are 7 & 9 years old! She said she told them that maybe they could join if they wanted to, but they didn't have to pick the same one. I have to say I'm impressed, because I'm sure if I'd had girls I would have been one of those "Join AOII" moms!

The girls also asked if their daddy was in "the AOII" and if their little brother could join too, but she explained that AOII was only for girls! Too cute!

[DGTess]

When my daughter chose UT, I started looking at what it would take for her to rush. She had seen me involved in DG everywhere we lived (spouse and I were both military) and I expected she'd be interested.

Showed her the rush book, and neither she nor I gave it another thought. I realized my experiences were very different from this large, southern, state school, and she didn't even want to consider visiting 16 houses in one day.

To this day neither of us regrets.

I did contact the chapter when she was a soph, to see if they did COB, and got a terse response that didn't show any concern, so wasn't a bit interested further.

My experiences were special, but not something I'd expect daughter to share elsewhere.

[JonoBN41]

What is COB?

[ISUKappa]

Originally Posted by JonoBN41

What is COB?

Continuous Open Bidding - another name for informal sorority recruitment at many campuses.
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I think a lot of it depends on where our children go to school and what other activities they're involved in. The husband did fraternity and athletics at his small school, but if he'd have gone to a larger school probably wouldn't have been in a fraternity. I don't think he has any feelings either way about our son joining. If this second kid ends up being a girl, I'd at least like her to see what greek life is like at her chosen school, and would encourage her to find what chapter fits her best even if it's not my own.

I say that now, anyway, but who knows what will actually happen.

[carnation]

A few weeks ago, a GC lurker from the university I'd expressed reservations about my son going Greek at contacted me--ack! He figured out right off where I meant! But he wrote at length about the fraternities' various personalities and I must say that I feel better about it.

[AGDee]

Like everybody else has said, it depends on the University and the group. Both of my kids are intrigued with my involvement and I let my son know that his Grandpa is a TKE. My son asked years ago if he could be an Alpha Gam and was disappointed that only girls could be Alpha Gams but was encouraged at the idea of a fraternity. He may just be a little too geeky for a fraternity though.

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by AGDee

He may just be a little too geeky for a fraternity though.

Geez, OUCH, Mom!

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by AGDee

He may just be a little too geeky for a fraternity though.

Depends on the school. I went to school at Carnegie Mellon University. There was almost no such thing as "too geeky".