Parents and college orientation

[alum]

It would be unfathomable for me or GEN Alum to call our D's Ps re: performance. Haha, she has worked in the federal political scene for several years and is a much better negotiator than her dad or I would ever be. But at the same time we like to see grades since we are paying for her education. Thank goodness our D is more than happy to share her grades at the semester-end.

Just for those parents who absolutely must receive a grade report from the college directly, call the registrar. There is a waiver form to allow a copy of student grades to be sent directly to said student's parents.

[SWTXBelle]

I always tell parents to have a heart to heart with their children about the grades, and that I am more than happy to discuss the grades with the student. No matter who is paying for it, I think an important part of the college experience is learning to take responsibility for your actions - and that parents who want to discuss (in other words, push for a grade change) their children's grades with their professors are denying their children the chance to take a major step towards adulthood.

And back in my college days, if I had not immediately shown my parents my grades I would have been in hot water!

[FSUZeta]

at my children's college, orientation is held in june for a day and 2/3's and involves students and their parents. there is a joint meeting with parents and children in the a.m. and then parents and children are separated with children taking language placement tests , scheduling classes, etc. and the parents attending different meetings until about 5. that first night the kids sleep in the dorms. the parents return in the morning for more meetings and the kids are doing other things. about mid-afternoon there is an optional greek life meeting and then it is all over.

it will be especially fun this year because our daughter will be attending summer school and we will get to see her(and her friends) and take her(and her friends) to dinners. my husband was not able to accompany our daughter and me when we attended her orientation 2 years ago. if parents are invited to attend, i recommend that you try to fit it into your schedule. seeing other parents who are also getting ready to send their children off to college-especially when it is the first born-and learning that the questions and concerns they have are ones you also have, brings things into perspective.

forgot to add, the college holds "connections" just for freshman which is a full 4 days before the sophs., jrs. and seniors can move on to campus in the fall.

[aephi alum]

Back in the day, orientation was strictly for students, with the exception of Freshman Parents' Weekend. New freshmen spent their first week and a half going through rush (yup, rush ), choosing their dorms, meeting with their advisors, registering for classes, finding out about various activities on campus, and generally meeting new people. Following this was a special Freshman Parents' Weekend with various activities for parents; some fraternities and sororities held parents' brunches and the like. (Parents of freshmen were also invited to the regular Parents' Weekend, which took place a few weeks later.)

The message was clear. Drop your kid off, or stick your kid on a plane, and leave him/her alone to acclimate - and if you want, come and visit in 10 days' time. Parents couldn't even contact their children except in an emergency, but students could call their parents if they wanted to (this was in the days before everyone had cell phones and email accounts). Even the worst helicopter parents were all but forced to cut the apron strings.

[KSUViolet06]

Kent State has Week Of Welcome which runs from the day the freshmen move in to the day before classes start (Saturday-Sunday). It basically involves a lot of seminars, tours, and meetings with your orientation instructor (we have a freshman orientation CLASS for first semester freshmen). There are special days set aside during spring semester for newly accepted freshmen to come up and do placement/scheduling, so they don't usually schedule during Week of Welcome.

The first day of the Week, students move in and get settled, and I believe parents are welcome that day to help them get settled in. The rest of the week is geared toward students, so the parents are supposed to get them settled in, and LEAVE.

That doesn't always happen nowadays. When I was a freshman, my parents came, helped me set up my room, and left. From what I hear, parents have now started getting rooms at the area motels/hotels and staying in the area for the whole week!

[VandalSquirrel]

U Idaho has Parent orientation, and which session they attend depends on their student's living choice. There is one for sororities, one for fraternities, and one for residence hall and off campus living.

The parents even have their own section on the www.uidaho.edu homepage, which I and my parents found truly bizarre when I became a Vandal. They couldn't believe the personal phone calls and welcome letters, or the continued invitations to campus for Dad's and Mom's weekends. The Parents' Association is very active though, which has been good for certain extras not in the approved state wide budge (the now defunct VandalTaxi).

[srmom]

My oldest went to an SEC school where they had a "parent's session" and events for orientation, and being 1st time college parents (my poor oldest child), we signed up for everything and attended ALL the events designed for us. After the first day, we realized that all of the events were really designed to get us out of their hair so that they could get the kids the information and direction they needed.

So, when second kid rolled around, we definitely did NOT go. The forced meetings are a waste of time, and who really wants to go to a Bar-b-que with hundreds of strangers and yucky, cold food?

As for grades and such, I don't know anything more than what I'm told, and I'm happy with that! So far, so good, they've done great, but I'd probably be a nervous wreck if they gave me daily reports or over involved me with the process.

Curving is a beautiful thing!!!

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by alum

It would be unfathomable for me or GEN Alum to call our D's Ps re: performance. Haha, she has worked in the federal political scene for several years and is a much better negotiator than her dad or I would ever be. But at the same time we like to see grades since we are paying for her education. Thank goodness our D is more than happy to share her grades at the semester-end.

Just for those parents who absolutely must receive a grade report from the college directly, call the registrar. There is a waiver form to allow a copy of student grades to be sent directly to said student's parents.

You do realize that not every college student, even those who attend the "elite" colleges, necessarily has sane parents with whom they have good relationships, right? I trust that you also realize that just because someone is a parent doesn't necessarily mean that they're paying tuition. Also, by your logic, does that mean that a parent of a child on full scholarship or who receives full financial aid is not entitled to their kid's information because they aren't paying the $45K?

Brown--which was only a piddly $35K back in the 1999-2000 academic year --didn't send my parents my report card. Regardless of the fact that they paid, the University saw me as an ADULT, and treated me as such. They did, however, send annual progress reports indicating where I was credit-wise towards graduation. It was all a moo point, however, because I had no problem showing them my report cards. I know that the situation was the same at UF when my sister was there--report cards didn't go to the parents.

I was a GA for Res Life at my grad school, and we had several cases where a parent would try to call the registrar to get their child's grades, or call the RA to find out what their kid was doing. Too bad that the parents in question were all crazy, weren't in regular contact with their kid, or even had a right to that information. One mother in particular was a hoot--I blogged about it, and I should post it here because it was AWESOME. Based on my experiences with that woman, I can totally support colleges respecting the privacy of their adult students.

[alum]

Carnegie Mellon sent a hardcopy grade report in the mid-80s (my final year there was only $15K still about triple a public COA) addressed to the student at the end of each semester. My parents didn't open my grades or ask to see them but the expectation was there. I personally felt that I owed it to them since they were making a financial sacrifice).

Only once as a student did I have to get a grade changed and I did it without the help of my parents. It turns out that the professor forgot to weight the grades as outlined on the syllabus. It did ruin my Christmas Break because I didn't understand why I got the reported grade and I couldn't talk to him until I got back in January. Nevertheless, I handled it and the problem was solved. My husband went to West Point. Not only were his parents not paying anything, he was legally an independent adult as a cadet and could not be claimed on their taxes. He still showed them his grades

As I mentioned, there is a form that parents can insist their kids sign to see their kids' grades. It has to be resubmitted annually to the college registrar. I think it's part of FERPA.

I wonder how many kids don't show their parents their grades willingly. Obviously on GC, all the posters of this thread have open relationships with their parents and or kids and this is not an issue.

[KSigkid]

KSigRC could correct me on this if I'm wrong, but I thought Boston U sent hardcopy grade reports to parents. I was paying for most of my tuition that wasn't covered by scholarship, and I think the mailings were still directed to "Mr. and Mrs. __________."

I never really thought about it, to be honest. I could see plenty of cases, though, where a student would not want to tell their parents their grades, and would be justified in withholding that information.

[APhi Sailorgirl]

When I went to college orientation 8 years ago, we had a 2-day orientation for both new students and parents. Parents had their sessions-housing, tuition, etc and students had theirs-clubs, student government, greek life, etc. We also met with our advisors and registered the second day.

My dad went with me and it was very educational for him. We each were able to learn the things we needed/wanted to learn.

Then freshman move-in was the Wednesday before classes started so we all moved in that day, then had 3-4 days of activities/events around campus to get us familiar with the area before the rest of the students came on board.

And as for grades-initially mid-term reports were being sent home, until the privacy act took over and that no longer happened. It's just the same; however, as when I was in school and dealing with my parents health insurance. My mom would call about a bill and they would refuse to talk to her b/c I was over 18-even though I was a child on their plan. Same thing with grades.

[ThetaDancer]

We had a full week of orientation, beginning with move-in and going all the way to the first day of classes. There were mandatory meetings, registrations, tours, etc. and then there were activities that were somewhat-optional. The activities sort of felt like some awkward adult summer camp and I was really not a fan. A group of juniors and seniors (called the OSC) led the freshmen in these ice-breaker activities for days. Awful.

Parents were hardly around. There were a few optional meetings and tours for parents, and they were invited to a picnic and convocation, but other than that they weren't around at all. Parents and families were encouraged to do other things in town on their own. My parents helped me move in and get settled, and then took off. I appreciated the help getting settled, and I also appreciated having the time on my own to discover the school and meet people...it was a good balance.

Orientation may have changed a bit since then, but as far as I know, it still has a similar structure.

[DeltAlum]

WAY back in the day we had what was called "Pre-College" (orientation) which was two or three days as I recall. We took placement tests, tours, lectures on rules and dorm life and stuff like that.

My gut feeling is that there were a lot more rules then -- womens hours, not living off campus until age 21, etc., along with the normal conduct (academic and personal) issues. In Loco Parentis was not a wonderful thing for the college student of my era.

I think some parents might have been there -- mine weren't.

As for grade reports, isn't it against some privacy law or something to send parents report cards these days? It wasn't really an issue for us since both of ours did very well (3.96 and 4.0) in their college careers.

[alum]

Originally Posted by DeltAlum

As for grade reports, isn't it against some privacy law or something to send parents report cards these days? It wasn't really an issue for us since both of ours did very well (3.96 and 4.0) in their college careers.

It is against FERPA guidelines for colleges to automatically send the grades to the parents. However, there is a waiver that a student can sign to waive his/her privacy right so that grades CAN be sent by the registrar to the parents. This form has to be renewed each academic year.

[ree-Xi]

My college orientation was fabulous - no parents at all. We registered for classes while we were there. I loved orientation so much that I became an orientation leader. We tried to make the experience as least lame as possible. We relied on feedback and what the kids liked/didn't like, and offered choices throughout the sessions.

Now a slight hijack - Regarding the students being considered adults thread - when your kids sign their registration, there is usually a line that indicates that if parents /loans/whoever is paying tuition default on paying, they legally assign responsibility to the student.

You are voluntarily paying for your child's education, but legally, you are not necessarily privy to a lot of which is going on with your student at college. Some examples -

- grades - on particular tests/papers, etc., and midterm and final grades
- visits to campus health care/mental health services
- medical records
- campus infractions
- judicial board hearings
- residential situations - roommates, overnight guests, etc.