Question for Sorors and other Greeks#2

14dst01 · #1 02-27-2002, 01:28 PM

Ok, I know when we first joined Delta (or your respective sorority) we were full of joy and happiness.

I also understand that going into this process you are not going to get along with all of your linesisters/big sisters.

I just want others opinion on a recent situation that happened.

On my line there are 14 of us. One of our linesisters got married back in the fall and only invited 3 of us from the line (the ones she was close with). We just recently threw a baby shower for her and everyone in the line participated except for one. She claims that since she wasn't invited to the wedding, she will not participate in anyway shape or form in the shower. I told her that that was her right to feel that way and since I was one of the chosen that was invited, I don't know what I would have done had the shoes been on the other foot.

What do you think? Do you think she had the right to feel that way or was she being petty.

FuzzieAlum · #2 02-27-2002, 01:42 PM

Well ... I don't know how big this soror's wedding is, but lots of people can't afford to invite everyone they would like to their wedding. It may not be intended as a slight at all. My mom had a tiny wedding because she and my dad were in college and they simply couldn't afford anything else.

And since people don't arrange their own showers, it's not like the bride to be is asking for gifts from people she didn't invite to partake in the festivities.

On the other hand, it's somewhat unusual but not unheard of for people to attend showers of wedding they are not invited to (unless the bride is of a religion where some people can't attend the actual ceremony - this happens with Mormon weddings, but guests are usually invited to the reception in that case). I have seen an entire sorority throw a shower for someone when they knew they wouldn't all be attending, especially if the sisters are still geographically close.

So ... what am I trying to say ... it's maybe unusual, and the girl who is upset is under to obligation to attend, but I don't think feeling angry is appropriate.

Steeltrap · #3 02-27-2002, 01:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by 14dst01
Ok, I know when we first joined Delta (or your respective sorority) we were full of joy and happiness.

I also understand that going into this process you are not going to get along with all of your linesisters/big sisters.

I just want others opinion on a recent situation that happened.

On my line there are 14 of us. One of our linesisters got married back in the fall and only invited 3 of us from the line (the ones she was close with). We just recently threw a baby shower for her and everyone in the line participated except for one. She claims that since she wasn't invited to the wedding, she will not participate in anyway shape or form in the shower. I told her that that was her right to feel that way and since I was one of the chosen that was invited, I don't know what I would have done had the shoes been on the other foot.

What do you think? Do you think she had the right to feel that way or was she being petty.

Hello, sister Soror.
She did have some right to feel that way, but if it were me, I would have sucked it up and participated in the shower. One of my nine linesisters got married earlier this year. It was a private affair, her family only. I wasn't offended at all.
We will be there for each other when it counts.

ST
Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc.
Epsilon Xi Omega, #8, December 2000

PrettyKitty · #4 02-27-2002, 01:57 PM

Well I have been in that situation b4. My l.s. didn't invite me to her wedding. I didn't take it personally though. I just figured she was on a tight budget. Weddings are EXPENSIVE! Then u know some folks come to weddings expecting a free meal and with not even a card in hand! If and when I get married, I will only invite a small # of people...money doesn't grow on trees!

Three_Love · #5 02-27-2002, 05:41 PM

I think it's petty not to attend the shower JUST BECAUSE she didn't get invited to the wedding. But I don't think it's petty not to attend the shower if she isn't close or friendly with that particular linesister.

Weddings are about FRIENDS AND FAMILY, not Delta. Your linesister only invited her friends and family to her wedding, and some of your linesisters didn't make the cut. I have 12 linesisters, and I don't care if I could afford to have 500 guests at my wedding, some of my linesisters would NOT BE INVITED. Why? Because although I have much DELTA LOVE for my linesisters, all 12 of them are NOT MY FRIENDS. Only my friends and family will be invited to my wedding/bridal shower/baby shower/housewarming, whatever. While I have been fortunate to make some WONDERFUL sistafriends through Delta, lucky for me that isn't the reason I wanted to BE a Delta.

Bottom line - just because we are SORORS/LINESISTERS doesn't mean we are FRIENDS. I thought that at first - I thought that I had 12 new instant friends in my linesisters, and I learned the HARD WAY that e'rey soror/linesister AIN'T YA FRIEND.

So...I don't care if the whole line or the whole chapter participates - if she wasn't my friend, I wouldn't go to her baby shower. And APPARENTLY, they aren't friends, because if they were, she would have been invited to the wedding or at least gotten some sort of an explanation like, "I couldn't afford to invite you, but I really wanted you there" - something like that.

12dn94dst · #6 02-27-2002, 06:05 PM

your ls isn't going to the BABY shower JUST BECAUSE she wasn't invited to the WEDDING?

I agree with Soror Three Love, that's rather petty. the one, although related, doesn't have anything to do with the other.

CrucialCrimson · #7 02-27-2002, 09:13 PM

Budget issues aside, I don't think I would attend or participate in the throwing of a baby shower if I wasn't invited to the wedding. True, weddings are for close families and friends, but guess what?? So are baby showers - it shouldn't just be about casting a wide gift net, it should be about sharing in the joy of an upcoming birth -so if I wasn't close enough to you to participate or witness your wedding, I would think I would fit into that same category come baby time!! I don't think I would be salty about it but I probably wouldn't go not out of spite, but because we weren't close friends!!

c&c1913 · #8 02-27-2002, 10:37 PM

I agree with Three Love completely. I've been to a couple of Delta weddings were Sorors just showed up un-invited because they were line sisters (or assumed come one Delta, come all). I have 23 line sisters and I won't invite all of them because I have no idea where some are. I'll invite the ones who I speak with on a somewhat regular basis.

On a side note, my younger cousin had a "come and go" baby shower and invited 40 people. Were they all her closest and dearest friends? No, I think she was just trying to offset her baby expenses as much as possible.

By the way, was I invited? Nope and it didn't bother me in the least. That's $10 in my pocket.

14dst01 · #9 02-28-2002, 02:28 PM

I think I need to explain other scenarios to make sense out of this...

The 14 of us just recently crossed (April 2001) and this would have been the first wedding for our line. All of us except for one were in state and could have gone. I know some other Sorors (aside from my LS) who weren't too particularly happy when they got the invite for the shower and not the wedding.

To my understanding it was not explained to some of our line and other Sorors why they didn't receive an invitation. Had that been me I would have invited everyone, including the one out of state because sometimes there are folks who you know aren't going to show up but they still want an invitation. Also I look at the invitation as an announcement that I'm getting married.

BUT I wasn't the one getting married so it's easy for me to say what I would do. At the same time, I knew my LS's (the one who got married) financial situation. Sistagirl did not have the room nor the money to invite all of us and it was obvious when we went to the wedding. It was not an elaborate wedding and no more than 50 people were in attendance so I'm assuming she invited those who she knew would show up.
----
Three love you had some good points, especially about us being Sorors/LINESISTERS doesn't mean we are going to be friends.

c&c it is true that some folks have showers so they can "rack up" on the gifts. Fortunately this wasn't the case. When I spoke with her about who she wanted to invite she honestly said that she doesn't think it would be too many people since she has been out of the scene.

BOTTOMLINE...I've noticed that when folks get married, have a baby they might include or exclude folks for various reasons (financial situation, timing, not close with certain folks, etc.). Unless I truly can't stand you or just don't like you (which is not the case with any of my LS), then I won't support you. BUT what I will do is to try and support you in your endeavors. That is what sisterhood is about. I know it sounds corny and maybe that's my neo in me talking but time is too short to be mad at folks. It would have been nice if the whole line would have participated in the shower but I have to respect my LS and Sorors decision and move on. Sometimes we have to put stuff aside and just be.

WHEW, I think I said a mouthful. Thanks for you responses.

Reds6 · #10 02-28-2002, 02:35 PM

Well, if I were to get married AGAIN. I would invite all of my LS's
We are all closer to some, but I would want to share the moment with the women that I cried blood sweat and tears with. Dissing your line isn't cool.
Naw Mean

tickledpink · #11 03-04-2002, 03:31 AM

Do you think perhaps the one that wasn't invited feelings may have been a bit hurt?

I think if that happened to me, especialliy if we've kept in contact I would feel slighted by not getting an invite. Invitations are costly, but word of mouth is ok. Anyway, if I did feel hurt, I'd still have to address it, but I don't think not going to the baby shower is the answer. She's not throwing her own shower and the only way that kind of thought would even come across my mind is if I was hurt - & that's something I'd need to resolve within myself.

arRHOgance4 · #12 03-04-2002, 02:39 PM

Well...I can see how she would be offended...your ls's may not be your FRIENDS, but they are your sisters (sorors as we call it). So if weddings are for friends and family, then they should be included. My ls's took more for me, did more for me, and helped me through the roughest time of our life. You share unique memories with them, and I will be there for them the rest of my natural life. So it would be out of respect, love, and sisterhood that i would invite them. Even if they got on my nerves(which they do sometimes

).
But not to be one-sided, I think she should have gone to the shower anyways. Sisterhood is more than petty conflict, so she could have overlooked it and gone.

And thats my 22 cents....

Total ArRHOgance #4
WIN 01
Iota Psi
"Covergirl Chapter"