Speaking of proposals:Lifetime's "Popping the Question"

[AKA2D '91]

Question 1:Is there ever a time which warrants that you TURN DOWN a proposal?

Question 2: If your mate proposes, are you to go ahead and say "yes" just because he or she proposes?

I haven't really heard of anyone turning down a proposal. I have heard of people postponing and/or eventually calling off a wedding.

[Professor]

LLOOOLLL - I really would have up shit creek if Constance would have said no while in front of my church. Seriously, I think folk need to be able to say no if it is in his or her best interst. I always say that folk need to take time to get to know him or heself before becoming involved. I dated my first girl from 6th grade until my junior year of college. I hated that chic by then and now wish I had just played the field. To those under 30 - - - WAIT WAIT WAIT - Live, Learn , Enjoy and know thyself.

[tickledpink]

You should only say yes if you truly love the person and if you truly feel that you are mature anough to handle a marriage.

I've turned down a proposal before. Basically, we were both very young, and it more of a "reuntied" situation. We met up and before I knew it, I was in a candlelit dinner with red wine & steaks at his relatives house, placed on the spot, and being referred to as his "fiance". It was a beautiful evening, but we were long distance, both in school (no careers)and I was not looking for a marriage at that point in my life. It felt awful having to say it , but anyway, after I said no, we went our separate ways.

[AKA2D '91]

Originally posted by Professor
To those under 30 - - - WAIT WAIT WAIT - Live, Learn , Enjoy and know thyself.

so you are saying that I truly haven't lived, learned, or enjoyed until AFTER I turn 30? Dayum, I thought I had almost done it all! Well then, hurry up October. I'm ready to turn 30!

[ClassyLady]

Answer 1: Any time that you know that you don't want to marry someone is the time that you should turn down their proposal.

Answer 2: No. If my mate proposed and I was not ready or just did not want to marry him, I would politely decline. If he publicly proposed, I would gracefully take him aside and tell him that I am not ready for marriage just yet.

I think some people say "yes" just because they don't want to embarrass the other person. Like in Professor's case, if his now fiance had said no in front of the whole church, he would have been totally embarrassed. The whole congregation would be giving him pity looks, pity hugs, and pity smiles for at least a good year.

I would rather have someone turn down my proposal then leave me at the altar. At least then, the only money that I've lost would be the cost of the ring, not the cost of the wedding.

[Ideal08]

My old roommate turned down a proposal. Her and her dude were having problems, arguments, you name it. Well, she went for a visit and he proposed to her, even though they hadn't worked out all of their problems. He had gotten the exact ring she wanted, Trilliant cut (which she called a DeltaDiamond, lol) and everything, and she still said no. Which I can understand, how can I say I'll marry you and we can't even fix what we goin' thru now? BUT, they now have a baby together, go figure.

If I felt I wasn't ready, I'd say no. I only want to get married once, so I want to be sure. I am praying that I get proposed to in private, just in case, you never really know. Because I know that there is NO WAY that I could say no if he proposed in a restaurant or at church or something like that. I would never crack a dude's face like that.

[Professor]

I know it happens and I also know folk that it happens to but if you are not ready to marry the guy/girl you more than likely are not ready to have children by him or her. Now before you ladies eat me alive I know that folk will say it was an accident and that the man played a role. I just can't imagine being a woman having a child by a man I'm still dating but not ready to marry.

Originally posted by Ideal08
My old roommate turned down a proposal. Her and her dude were having problems, arguments, you name it. Well, she went for a visit and he proposed to her, even though they hadn't worked out all of their problems. He had gotten the exact ring she wanted, Trilliant cut (which she called a DeltaDiamond, lol) and everything, and she still said no. Which I can understand, how can I say I'll marry you and we can't even fix what we goin' thru now? BUT, they now have a baby together, go figure.

If I felt I wasn't ready, I'd say no. I only want to get married once, so I want to be sure. I am praying that I get proposed to in private, just in case, you never really know. Because I know that there is NO WAY that I could say no if he proposed in a restaurant or at church or something like that. I would never crack a dude's face like that.

[tickledpink]

Originally posted by Ideal08

I am praying that I get proposed to in private, just in case, you never really know. Because I know that there is NO WAY that I could say no if he proposed in a restaurant or at church or something like that. I would never crack a dude's face like that.

When it happened to me, it was in front of his relatives. I thought I could get out of it by just not saying anything (thankfully, his relatives talked so much - which may have been on purpose, seeing my discomfort- that I got away without having to say flat out no in public). But, I can feel what you're saying. It's like those people that propose to people on television, and the girl says NO.

[Eclipse]

My husband swears he proposed to me 3 times before I finally said yes. I say "swears" because we differ on a couple of things. I remember the first so called proposal. I had just graduated from college and was living in MN (he was in ATL). We were doing one of those "I miss you/I love you" kinda conversations and he said something like "We should get married." I was like "Yeah right" certainly not thinking that he was serious, and even if he was, was not going to have no telephone proposal! He thanks God now that I did take him up on his offer because neither one of us was ready. THe 2nd proposal that I remember was another time we were separated. He was in Switzerland working and I was in ATL. Again, telephone proposal was not going to work so I said "Ask me when you get back." Buster decided to make me wait awhile before he asked again (in person!). I said yes that time!

Bottom line, I knew and he knew that we should be together, but we not in a place emotionally to make the commitment to a real marriage. I thank God that we did not get married the first time he asked. I'm almost sure we would be divorced now if we had.

[ENDROAD]

My husband proposed to me three times before I finally said yes too. The first time was the day after we met. He came to my school and asked me to be his wife in front of all my friends. No, he did not have a ring but my friends thought he was adorable I thought he was crazy.
The second time was "you know." I just kissed him and left because I knew it was just that whip action he was feaning over.
Finally the third time was years later after we had moved in together and had my son, (yes I fornicated but repented). I was dressing for work and singing to my son at the same time. My husband then boyfriend was standing in the doorway to the bedroom. He came up behind me and hugged me and in the palm of his hand he held a ring. He said you are my best friend..your are my lover..you are a wonderful mother to my child...will you make my world complete and be my wife. I cried and said yes. My son who was 5 months just looked at us and cooed.

And we LIVE happiley ever after.... whip action

[thesweetestone]

THE WHOLE IDEA OF MARRIAGE SCARES ME. AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO JUST BE ALONE. I 'M STILL DECOVERING THE WONDERFUL PERSON THAT'S ME.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
Question 1:Is there ever a time which warrants that you TURN DOWN a proposal?

YES. I should have several times...

Question 2: If your mate proposes, are you to go ahead and say "yes" just because he or she proposes? I haven't really heard of anyone turning down a proposal. I have heard of people postponing and/or eventually calling off a wedding.

I would hope a woman would have enough brains to turn down (in a polite way) if the feelings or the situation aren't right.

I speak from experience.
*The first proposal--we were too young, he was 20 and I was 19
*The second (I kid you not)-- The only thing we had in common was the fact that we had the same middle and last name.
*The third--He cheated on me
*The fourth--we dated a combined total of 10 years and he just couldn't get it together to commit
*The final fith --we rushed it and didnt get to know each other (I should have known better )

Presently: Single and going to STAY that way for a long while...I'm not desperate

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Originally posted by Professor
To those under 30 - - - WAIT WAIT WAIT - Live, Learn , Enjoy and know thyself.
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I agree whole heartedly!!!

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
*The second (I kid you not)-- The only thing we had in common was the fact that we had the same middle and last name.

Stop it!!! LOL! That's a tripped out coinkidink, though.

I don't remember if you posted to the engagement ring thread or not, but I'm nosey, lol. What'd you do with those 5 rings?? Fiiiiive golden rings....

[NinjaPoodle]

As much as I wanted to keep them, I gave them back. I actually recieved 3 rings, not five. I'd feel guilty for keeping them. The rings would remind me too much of the guys that gave them to me. I didn't want to be reminded of all those memories every tme I looked at the rings.

[SkeeWee14]

This is a good topic. I'm recently engaged myself and my fiance proposed to me twice before now and I turned him down because I wasn't ready for that type of commitment. We stopped seeing eachother for a while mostly because I wanted to date other people. In spite of that we got back together and he proposed again out of the blue (he was giving me a bubble bath...ahh . It finally felt right and I said yes. It took him a while to believe that I was serious and we've been planning ever since.