Writing Recs for PNMs

[alum]

Some GLOs ask on the rec form whether you know the rushee personally or through an acquaintance.

Even when I know the girl quite well, I always ask for a resume for sorority recs. I do the same for college applicants that I interview for the admissions office of my alma mater. For me, it's easier to highlight the prospective's achievements and accomplishments when I have a hard copy to which to refer.

After my initial contact to line up recs, my daughter sent a cover letter and resume to all the women who are writing her recommendations to the Panhel chapters at her future school. In the letter, she expressed a willingness to be interviewed by the women who do not know her personally.

[kdonline]

Even though I moved from Miami 2 years ago, I am still listed as Kappa Delta HQ's recommendation contact. No one else has stepped up. That's fine, because I still have lots of contacts through the school system, alumnae association, Junior League, etc. It usually takes an email or a phone call to the school, which I don't mind doing. I do my best to find someone who knows the PNM personally, or who can meet with her. And if I can't, then based on the info I collect, I decide whether or not to write the rec. I DO take this seriously, and do not want to risk my reputation for a PNM I've never met.

Anyway, I am always asked to write a rec for girls I don't know, esp for the Florida schools. On KD's rec form, there IS a box to check stating that I don't know this girl personally. And just in case, I always state that in my write up on the "personality profile."

I also:
1) get a resume and a picture.
2) send my own questions to the PNM, asking the specific questions that our rec form lists. (I'll be happy to share these with anyone - PM me.)
3) and yes, I also check myspace, friendster, facebook, etc for some insight on the PNM. After I do, I tell her to clean it up - even if it doesn't need cleaning.

If the PNM does not share her GPA with me, or if I find out something I don't like, I just don't write the rec. If she has a low GPA & has a good reason for it, I ask for an explanation.

Now, this may sound like a lot to do for someone I don't know, but I have a visible "unofficial" position with Kappa Delta, and I feel I have my personal reputation to uphold.

P.S. KD uses a Word version of the rec form now, so these are easy for me to write up, when I have the information I need.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by kdonline

I also check myspace, friendster, facebook, etc for some insight on the PNM. After I do, I tell her to clean it up - even if it doesn't need cleaning.

Mind if I ask why? If a PNM has something completely clean on myspace, what reason is there to tell her to clean it up? I don't understand.

For example, if I had pictures from church events, nothing with drinks, cigs, revealing clothing, etc... and you told me to clean up my already clean myspace page, I'd be super confused.

[ADPi Conniebama]

Originally Posted by kdonline

I also:
1) get a resume and a picture.
2) send my own questions to the PNM, asking the specific questions that our rec form lists. (I'll be happy to share these with anyone - PM me.)
3) and yes, I also check myspace, friendster, facebook, etc for some insight on the PNM. After I do, I tell her to clean it up - even if it doesn't need cleaning.

If the PNM does not share her GPA with me, or if I find out something I don't like, I just don't write the rec. If she has a low GPA & has a good reason for it, I ask for an explanation.

I, too, have been asked by various mothers to send a rec in for their daughter/niece/friends daughters etc. If I don't know the girl then I for sure require that the pnm some how get me a resume with picture that I can send in with my rec and mention that I don't know the pnm personally.

This helps the pnm know that they have that particular sorority covered. I mean a rec doesnt mean a bid but it sure cant hurt. And with the recruits own resume the chapter gets all of the information they need. (however it is usually the same "resume" they send in to panhellenic to sign up for recruitment)

If I don't know the recruit personally I mention that on the rec and mention whether or not I "recommend" her.

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by ADPi Conniebama

I mean a rec doesnt mean a bid but it sure can't hurt.

To repeat, and I don't pretend to know what a rec means to sororities other than Alpha Delta Pi, a recommendation is entree to recruitment parties, not a bid.

If you think of the days when the "in crowd" was let into a disco or a bar simply because they were famous or beautiful or the bouncer liked them - that's what a rec is. It gets you in the door, and it gets a PNM a second look. I have no problem with writing a rec for someone who acts & looks like an Alpha Delta Pi, IF I get a chance to talk to her, or am otherwise assured that this woman isn't going to end up on a "Girls Gone Wild" video.

But! It's an imperfect method. We have chapters where there are more legacies than there are Quota openings. Really, NPC has to come up with a better system soon. With the amount of truly brilliant women out there, perfecting the system, I hope the answer comes soon!

[kdonline]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

Mind if I ask why? If a PNM has something completely clean on myspace, what reason is there to tell her to clean it up? I don't understand.

For example, if I had pictures from church events, nothing with drinks, cigs, revealing clothing, etc... and you told me to clean up my already clean myspace page, I'd be super confused.

If a page is clean, then she's a step ahead of the game. "I already did that." would be the reply.

For the 3 recs I've been asked to write this year, they've all had at least one questionable pic up. None of them knew I was checking their pages.

[Drolefille]

kdonline, correct me if I'm wrong, but I also get the impression that you don't tell the PNM that you've checked out her MySpace, etc? Therefore it's just like a general piece of advice, correct?

[kdonline]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

kdonline, correct me if I'm wrong, but I also get the impression that you don't tell the PNM that you've checked out her MySpace, etc? Therefore it's just like a general piece of advice, correct?

Right.

Though I don't know why so many younger people don't think that older people check out myspace too. Hasn't it been on the news enough?!

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by honeychile

It's an imperfect method. We have chapters where there are more legacies than there are Quota openings. Really, NPC has to come up with a better system soon.

I disagree. Chapters should be under no obligation to pledge anyone except for those members that they feel could best represent their values and chapter. I would hate to be a legacy who got into my sorority because of a special legacy quota... and spend the next 4 years wondering if the only reason I was offered this bid was because someone wrote me a letter. Recruitment is a continuously evolving mutual selection process. That's the best system there is.

[Zillini]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Chapters should be under no obligation to pledge anyone except for those members that they feel could best represent their values and chapter.

If only Mama, Grandma or Sister would accept this. But of course in their eyes their legacy PNM is absolutely perfect and there is no valid excuse for their sorority to not want her. This is the part of Recruitment I absolutely dread, dealing with the angry and/or tearful phone calls trying to explain why their legacy was dropped while upholding the confidentiality of the Chapter.

[Drolefille]

Is it bad when you have the legacy that you don't like and you just sit there hoping "she'll drop us, she'll drop us, OH PLEASE DROP US" so you don't have to deal with those phone calls?

/I'm sure we've all gone through it.