A unique and kind of sad recruit story

[AnotherKD]

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

Hmmm.

To be frank, Stanleypeep, it's really odd to me that you felt compelled to sign up for a board to post this sort of thing years after graduation and I'm not really sure how to react to it. But I hope you are happy and healthy now, and not being hindered by too many thoughts of "what if" from things in the past.

Just seems kind of odd because yeah, it was a really crappy semester and probably a pretty crappy year for you. I am extremely sorry about your grandfather and your illness, though it is good to hear you're doing okay. But the fact is that I'm sure we've all had pretty crappy experiences regarding one thing or another, and we don't go out and actively search for a message board years later just to tell everyone what happened for the heck of it. IMHO.

[APhiAnna]

Ohhhh how much are you willing to bet that the "prayer" in Alpha Delta Pi was actually their creed? Doesn't it say something about Christian womanhood? That makes a lot more sense, although it still seems weird that they would have done it that early vs. their preference ceremony.

[ThetaDancer]

What SydneyK and AnotherKD said. With a total emphasis on the "nothing wrong, just unusual" part.

Plus, particularly in the last few posts, you posted about what I would consider to be pretty personal experiences (anxiety attacks, terminal illness and death of a family member, becoming diagnosed with a chronic illness, deteriorating mental and physical health, etc.) In my experience, both online and in real life, I think I just share that kind of information when I feel comfortable with people. As with a lot of GCers, I've certainly posted on greekchat about difficult personal experiences, but my posts didn't start out that way. Both online and in real life, I understand revealing more personal information as relationships progress, but it's hard for me to imagine doing that right off the bat.

And, I guess you posted some things that I might consider to be "chapter business," like the girl who was kicked out of pledging or the girl who led your pledge class down the bad path. I think things like that should probably stay within the chapter. I could sort of understand the need to seek advice on those situations if they were currently happening, but because they happened a while ago it just seems like an unnecessary airing of dirty laundry.

Finally (sorry if this is coming across as a long rant! it's not my intention!) the overall tone that I heard in your story sounded like you had some regrets about how things unfolded and it just made me wonder what was prompting those regrets to appear now, years after the fact, and in a public way.

[Stanleypeep]

Well, I think that perhaps yes it may seem different, which is why I called my story unique.

I wanted to post this as a compliment to you all I suppose just to let you know that even though things like this happen to people and girls who do go through recruitment post on here and then don't get a bid and leave doesn't mean girls like us who don't wind up as actives can still respect the greek system and can still wish we were a part of it, even if we couldn't be due to circumstance.

I was under the impression that you all would welcome compliments no matter how different a background or experience. Its not something I openly talk about to people just because I don't want them to think that I'm some nut job. But I've always felt that if they thought that they they weren't truly understanding the moral of the story. The moral to me which was, even if you're not a part of it due to whatever reason, you can still have an enormous respect and maintain lasting friendships no matter what the outcome of your experience.

I guess what fascinates me most is why you WOULDN'T welcome those who aren't a part of the system actively to join the conversation even after they've not received a bid/maintained active/disaffiliated. To me I think any experience no matter how strange, long ago, or sad it may be I think it creates interesting dialogue about Greek Life. Mostly I was interested to see your opinion on my experience, if to you it seemed normal.

Specifically, did any of you experience other girls in your pledge class who seemed nice at first, but did some questionable things, but wasn't dismissed or reprimanded for them?

[ThetaPrincess24]

I'm sorry, but I'm just not fully buying your story or purpose in posting it. That's all I'm saying.

[Stanleypeep]

I'm sorry, but I'm just not fully buying your story or purpose in posting it. That's all I'm saying.

I don't see how anyone could make any of that up honestly. Not even someone creative.

I'm sorry you don't see the purpose, but again, it was a compliment, and I'm sorry if you don't feel that being well respected outside of your organization is important.

[jennyj87]

URI houses? Really????
I've seen the outside of the houses, and they do not seem interesting at ALL. Maybe I've just been in the south for too long now though....

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by Stanleypeep

I guess what fascinates me most is why you WOULDN'T welcome those who aren't a part of the system actively to join the conversation even after they've not received a bid/maintained active/disaffiliated.

No one has said that the women you've just described aren't welcome to join the conversation. My GC experience has shown that, if anything, women who aren't Greek stop posting on their own accord (or, obviously, never start) instead of being told/asked not to by GCers.

Originally Posted by Stanleypeep

Mostly I was interested to see your opinion on my experience, if to you it seemed normal.

But you've already said it's unique, so this makes very little sense. (Because, generally, normal things aren't unique. Although, there's certainly an argument to be made about the accuracy of that statement.)

Originally Posted by Stanleypeep

Specifically, did any of you experience other girls in your pledge class who seemed nice at first, but did some questionable things, but wasn't dismissed or reprimanded for them?

THIS is the main reason, IMO, you posted your whole story. It feels like you're asking us to share things that aren't anyone's business. This type of question isn't kosher.

[AnotherKD]

^^ Especially the fact that she named all of her code names. Even new members don't really do that once they've joined a sorority (or don't join), because they have already said some things about the sisters in those houses. I was NOT a fan of that, and my house wasn't even there. So I wonder how those houses that were mentioned and spoken about in that way feel.

[ThetaDancer]

Originally Posted by Stanleypeep

Well, I think that perhaps yes it may seem different, which is why I called my story unique.

I wanted to post this as a compliment to you all I suppose just to let you know that even though things like this happen to people and girls who do go through recruitment post on here and then don't get a bid and leave doesn't mean girls like us who don't wind up as actives can still respect the greek system and can still wish we were a part of it, even if we couldn't be due to circumstance.

I was under the impression that you all would welcome compliments no matter how different a background or experience. Its not something I openly talk about to people just because I don't want them to think that I'm some nut job. But I've always felt that if they thought that they they weren't truly understanding the moral of the story. The moral to me which was, even if you're not a part of it due to whatever reason, you can still have an enormous respect and maintain lasting friendships no matter what the outcome of your experience.

I guess what fascinates me most is why you WOULDN'T welcome those who aren't a part of the system actively to join the conversation even after they've not received a bid/maintained active/disaffiliated. To me I think any experience no matter how strange, long ago, or sad it may be I think it creates interesting dialogue about Greek Life. Mostly I was interested to see your opinion on my experience, if to you it seemed normal.

Specifically, did any of you experience other girls in your pledge class who seemed nice at first, but did some questionable things, but wasn't dismissed or reprimanded for them?

This is just not sitting well with me. Again, I think it's just airing dirty laundry to post things like that. Why are you asking things like this? Because, a long time ago, there was a girl with questionable judgment in your pledge class? You should move past it.

[AXID2006]

this whole story isn't kosher with me.

[AXID2006]

Originally Posted by AnotherKD

^^ Especially the fact that she named all of her code names. Even new members don't really do that once they've joined a sorority (or don't join), because they have already said some things about the sisters in those houses. I was NOT a fan of that, and my house wasn't even there. So I wonder how those houses that were mentioned and spoken about in that way feel.

Agreed. Since my house was mentioned, I don't see the point of saying which house was which when your already tearing them apart. and the whole "rolling eyes" I just feel that would NEVER EVER EVER happen. Even if a girl came to a house in bunny costume, no one would say a thing, but smile.

Point being, you should have kept it a secret like everyone else does.
just stating how I feel

[AnotherKD]

I hate to say it, but it seems like the anti-story that PNMs should read. This is a story about 'I really wanted to rush, so I didn't, but at the last minute I did, and then I dropped out. I went back because I thought I wanted to be there, and I got a bid, but I left during my pledge period because my house essentially sucked. And look at me now! I loved college and was fine with not being Greek.'

Now, I understand that some PNMs don't finish rushing and some don't get bids, and for 99% of them I can see how their stories are very useful to other PNMs because these sort of things happen to many people and their strength through the process in turn helps others be strong while going through it. I applaud them on telling their stories. But... I don't see the value in this. And I just can't get over naming each sorority at the end. That was just too much for me.

[APhiAnna]

This whole thread rubbed me the wrong way too, and I had to sit down and really think about why.

To OP reminded me of somebody I know who thinks that people will like her more if they know about her difficult past. She thinks that they will be sympathetic, and that in turn the sympathy generated from her stories will make them like her.

This NEVER works!

The whole underlying theme of this whole thread seemed to be about getting sympathy. You were overweight, nervous, so terrified of rejection that you quit, in a pledge class with people who treated you badly (I'm inferring this is what you meant by your comments), family illness and death, anxiety attacks, life regrets and so on and so forth.

It rings out "Feel sorry for me!" and most people hate the feeling of being manipulated into feeling sorry for somebody (read: very different than genuinely feeling sorry for a friend). I view statements like yours as being manipulated, because I don't know you and I don't believe your reasons for starting this thread.

EVERYBODY has had huge struggles to overcome, so most people do not like hearing about your "special circumstances", especially when we know so many people in worse circumstances who have found ways to overcome their problems and move on in life.

A general principle I've learned in life: people love being around positive people who are confident in being themselves. Once you have earned their respect, then they are willing to listen to your problems and help you out. Until then, a lot of this information is WAY too much and I agree with people who question your real reasons for posting it.

[AnotherKD]

APhiAnna, you make a good point. We all have huge struggles to overcome. You know what? My sisters helped me through a lot of them!