Once you accept a bid...

[Pawn]

I was never in a sorority but have been trying to give my daughter, a freshman some good advice. I've been reading tons of posts on this site and your stories/answers have been great. My daughter recently finished recruitment and ended up with a bid to a chapter she did not feel comfortable with. Don't get me wrong, its a great chapter and many girls she knows were thrilled with their bids. She just does not feel that it is the place for her. She's kind of shy and not a big partier, like many of the girls in the chapter. Anyway, I encouraged her to accept the bid, which she did. Now she's worried she did the wrong thing. If she decides to quit now, before initiation, does that preclude her from going through COB this year or rushing again next year? Would she have been better off not listing this chapter after preference night and only going with one choice (she obviously did not get her first choice and would not have received any bid)? Or not accepting the bid? I'm worried I gave her bad advice. She's very disappointed--help!

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by Pawn

If she decides to quit now, before initiation, does that preclude her from going through COB this year or rushing again next year? Would she have been better off not listing this chapter after preference night and only going with one choice (she obviously did not get her first choice and would not have received any bid)? Or not accepting the bid? I'm worried I gave her bad advice. She's very disappointed--help!

Yes, it precludes her from COB.
You wouldn't have known at the time if it was better to list it or not. You did the right thing to encourage her to stick it out.

[aephi alum]

She won't be able to go through COB this year. She would be able to participate in recruitment next year, but at many schools it's more difficult for a sophomore to get a bid.

The new member period is intended to give each NM an opportunity to determine if she wants to go through with initiation and become a full sister. Four or five days of whirlwind parties don't really give a PNM enough information to make a lifetime commitment to a sorority. The new member period (even though it's only a few weeks) gives each NM a chance to interact with her pledge sisters and with other sisters she may not have met during rush, and to decide whether to commit. Once initiated into an NPC sorority, you may never join another, even if you deaffiliate from the first.

Also, your daughter should keep in mind that, by her senior year, the current sisters will have graduated and the body of active sisters may be quite different.

[Pawn]

I told her to see how it goes this week. And to give people a chance--maybe they're not as different from her as they seem. She's just so sad that "most people I know got their first choice..." and "why did this chapter even want me?" How long do you have to make a decision before initiation?

[AnchorAlumna]

Believe me, MANY also did NOT get their first choice - she's probably concentrating on that. The sorority should have given her the date of initiation - if it's only been a week, it may be next week before they get it. The NM periods generally run from 6 to 8 or 9 weeks, so it would be, roughly, mid to late October...maybe early November. Encourage her to go to EVERYTHING and be friendly. As with anything, the more you participate, the more you get out of the experience. Give it at least 4 or 5 weeks.
Good luck to her!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Believe me, MANY also did NOT get their first choice - she's probably concentrating on that. The sorority should have given her the date of initiation - if it's only been a week, it may be next week before they get it. The NM periods generally run from 6 to 8 or 9 weeks, so it would be, roughly, mid to late October...maybe early November. Encourage her to go to EVERYTHING and be friendly. As with anything, the more you participate, the more you get out of the experience. Give it at least 4 or 5 weeks.
Good luck to her!

Agreed with this whole post. Especially that she needs to go to everything scheduled and get to know as many girls as possible. Too many freshmen have come from situations where they've known everyone in their social circle all their lives and they forget how to make friends with people they don't know at all.

You have to remember, she is in college and they're all living together & interacting w/ each other all the time so 4-5 weeks in college is more like 6-8 months in grownup time.

[violetpretty]

She is not eligible for COB at only chapters now or in the spring. However, she IS eligible to go through recruitment next fall whether she drops out today or right before initiation. She really has nothing to lose by sticking it out longer in her NM period and trying to feel at home to be sure.

[Pawn]

Thank you all. I'll let her know what you thought. I'm glad she has time to think about it and get to know the girls better. And, if it doesn't work out with this chapter there's always next year.

[gee_ess]

Pawn, definitely encourage her to stick it out for a few weeks. The "partier" reputation may not be as accurate as she thinks. I assure you (and her) that there are partiers in every house, just as there are bible study groups, 4.0's, etc. Diversity is truly what Greek life promotes.

That said, getting your second choice takes some time to adjust to, and it is easy to focus on the negative. Some people handle it better than others, but in my experience, it is usually always difficult to accept (especially if your daughter is in the south or SEC where peer pressure is a factor) Your daughter may want to confide in her New Member Chair who can possibly put her in touch with a older member or two who also had this happen to them and who are totally happy with the way things turned out.

Good luck and hang in there!

[Pawn]

My daughter is still not sure if she's going to join the chapter. I told her that she can quit before initiation and still rush again next fall. However, she said that they won't tell them when initiation is. She's afraid they'll just surprise them one day! Is that the way its done?

[33girl]

Withholding the date of initiation is a form of hazing. If they're pulling isht like that, maybe she does need to bail.

[twhrider13]

There's a possibility that the actives just haven't set a date in concrete yet. I know in my chapter, we didn't always know for sure when initiation would be right after rush. DZ's new member program lasts for 10 weeks, so we knew which week we'd initiate, but we sometimes didn't have an exact date immediately. We don't have houses and had to reserve a place on campus for initiation, so sometimes we'd have to wait a few days to get all our ducks in a row between the chapter and the Student Life office.

Perhaps this is a similar situation?

[Pawn]

Wow, 10 weeks? Are the new member periods usually that long? I think she's afraid they'll just spring it on her sooner rather than later. And, I can't imagine her walking out at the last minute--awkward. I'll tell her to look out for the special clothing requirement clues. Thanks!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Pawn

Wow, 10 weeks? Are the new member periods usually that long? I think she's afraid they'll just spring it on her sooner rather than later. And, I can't imagine her walking out at the last minute--awkward. I'll tell her to look out for the special clothing requirement clues. Thanks!

In general, Panhellenic sorority new member periods range in length from 6-10 weeks (with one I can think of that is actually a full semester).

I know that personally we were required to tell the NMs when their intiation was scheduled (even if it was just a tentative month if we didn't have the exact date).

[MaggieXi]

Are they witholding the date from her, or do they not know exactly when it is? Most schools have dates set as to when new members must be initiated by.

Is this an NPC sorority?