Why is it anybody's business if/when I have children???

DSTRen13 · #1 05-14-2008, 06:04 PM

Does getting married suddenly mean that everyone (and I mean EVERYONE, from my family and friends to my co-workers to random strangers) just has to quiz me about children all the time? Seriously?? "Do you have any kids yet? Why not? Are you planning to have kids?" And so on, and so on ... people just don't stop!

RaggedyAnn · #2 05-14-2008, 06:08 PM

God yes! You'd think that being married for 5 years without children was a mortal sin.

ComradesTrue · #3 05-14-2008, 06:11 PM

This is a question that should never, ever be asked. I mean ever.

There are so many couples (privately) dealing with fertility issues, miscarriages, or for personal reasons have chosen to not have children.

I have watched countless friends be brought to tears by idiots asking this question.

Seriously... do NOT ask it. Even if you mean well. It is rude.

aideclaire · #4 05-14-2008, 06:11 PM

man, what you say...i get tired of that topic in general...i mean, what difference does it make- God will plant that seed when He good and ready

#5 05-14-2008, 06:17 PM

I noticed something in my family.

Of all my cousins born in the US, the majority of them have gone on to college, pursued a higher education, and waited to marry until they were well in their late 20s/early 30s.

Of all my cousins born in the Philippines, the majority of them got pregnant/got their GFs pregnant in high school or shortly after high school.

According to my Filipino relatives, I better start having kids because I'm "getting old". I'm 28.

My BF of 6 months, who just recently met my relatives 2 months ago, is already getting the "so when's the wedding?" question.

I agree with Blondie93. I still am unsure if I ever want to have kids, but I have seen women just horrified when asked that question.

nikki1920 · #6 05-14-2008, 06:24 PM

To stop that question, respond with: We aren't sure yet. when are you available to babysit/change diapers/pay for daycare/pay for college/help us plan the conception?

Its a rude question that deserves a rude answer.

*I get this question too and HATE it. I give one of the responses above and people generally get that the question is, in fact, rude and out of place*

aephi alum · #7 05-14-2008, 06:52 PM

If and when you have children isn't anybody's business but your own and your partner's.

But people do so love to butt in.

The ink wasn't even dry on our marriage contract when my MIL started demanding grandchildren. Some of the nosier members of my congregation seem to have an "aephi alum baby watch" going. Even my parents have started in on me.

For crying out loud, I'm not an incubator! Next time someone asks me if I'm pregnant, I'm asking them for a coat hanger.

BetteDavisEyes · #8 05-14-2008, 07:03 PM

I've been married for 2 1/2 years and get that all the time. It's irritating.

Something else I hate is when people who have kids tell those who don't that they are so smart and/or lucky. A friend told me this when I was with another friend and she burst into tears b/c she has been trying for 5 years to get pregnant with no success.

The best thing to do IMO is to NOT ASK! It's no one's damn business.

AGDee · #9 05-14-2008, 07:22 PM

We had only been married for a month and we went to his parents for the weekend. They were far enough away that it was nicer to sleep there than to make the drive each way in one day. When we got there my MIL (who I did love dearly in spite of this) told me we would be sleeping in the MIL and FIL's room AND that she'd put leopard skin sheets on the bed so that we would be inspired to start making grandchildren! Uh huh, like being in my in-laws bed is going to inspire me??? I'd have been much more inspired in the basement bedroom where nobody could hear us!

SWTXBelle · #10 05-14-2008, 08:28 PM

Parents ask because they would love grandchildren - so I wouldn't get mad at them. Well, maybe a little.
But not like I would at friends/perfect strangers who think such an intimate question is any of their business!

DaemonSeid · #11 05-15-2008, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikki1920

To stop that question, respond with: We aren't sure yet. when are you available to babysit/change diapers/pay for daycare/pay for college/help us plan the conception?

Its a rude question that deserves a rude answer.

*I get this question too and HATE it. I give one of the responses above and people generally get that the question is, in fact, rude and out of place*

amen....!!!

It's a cult....and let them find out you are almost 40 and no kids...

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY KIDS?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

why do you have 2 kids and not married ot the daddy....?

WTF is wrong with you?

I don't know about you but I heard about these things called... 'condoms' and don't make what you can't take care of....you?

Educatingblue · #12 05-14-2008, 06:45 PM

OMG we get this all the time. We have been married almost 3 years and my mom asks about this everyday. I tell her the same thing and she still asks the same question. We tell her we want to buy a house, get well established in our careers, save some money, and just have fun without dragging little Johnny out to an "R" rated movie or to Las Vegas (that's a whole new conversation...WTH did I see tons of parents on our last two trips with their KIDS in tow walking the strip/casino(s)?!?!)

I just think with all the pressure to succeed, it only makes sense to wait a little longer...Lately, I have been telling the 'rents that we will revisit the idea around 2011!!!

aideclaire · #13 05-14-2008, 06:51 PM

ZTAngel · #14 05-15-2008, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTRen13

Does getting married suddenly mean that everyone (and I mean EVERYONE, from my family and friends to my co-workers to random strangers) just has to quiz me about children all the time? Seriously?? "Do you have any kids yet? Why not? Are you planning to have kids?" And so on, and so on ... people just don't stop!

I got married last July and ever since then people have felt as though they have free reign to ask me when I plan on having children. It's rude. What if I couldn't have kids? That could be the most hurtful question to someone who wants kids but cannot have them.

I get asked by my co-workers all the time. I've started telling them that I hate children.....which partially true. I absolutely hate crying kids in restaurants and movies and I want to distance myself from that for as long as I possibly can!

My mother is ultra annoying about it. She reminds me all the time that I'm not getting any younger (I'm 27!) and that if I wait too long that I might not be able to have children. I think I may have posted this before but she one time mailed me an article that she found on women who wait too long and then discover they're no longer fertile. She put a post-it note on the article that read:

"Dear ZTAngel,

I want grandchildren.

Love,
Mom"

Argh.

DaemonSeid · #15 05-15-2008, 11:01 AM

Can I ask an honest question....?

Does the state of the world in which we are living in right now deter you from having children?