2006 College Football

[shinerbock]

I know a lot of people on here probably go to schools where football is a non factor, but what are everyone's predictions for the season?

[valkyrie]

Iowa Hawkeyes win it all!!!!!!

Okay, not really, but I hope they're decent this year, after losing Hodge and Greenway.

[shinerbock]

They should be pretty good, most preseason polls have them top 20 if not top 15 I believe. They did very well on recruiting last year.

[TSteven]

I predict that Kentucky will not win the SEC. Nor the Eastern Division of the SEC. If Providence is with the Cats, we may be fortunate to make a bowl game. Most likely in some forsaken place. But what the hell, the fans in the stands always have a hell of a good time.

GO CATS!

edited for AOIIalum

[TSteven]

Comparison of Northern and Southern Football

WOMEN'S ACCESSORIES
North: Chap stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, water-proof mascara,and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary; that's what dates are for.

STADIUM SIZE
North: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
South: High School football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

FATHERS
North: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

CAMPUS DECOR
North: Statues of founding fathers.
South: Statues of Heisman Trophy winners.

HOMECOMING QUEEN
North: Also a physics major.
South: Also Miss USA.

HEROES
North: Mario Cuomo.
South: Paul "Bear" Bryant.

GETTING TICKETS
North: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
South: 5 months before the game walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets after you donate $5K to the Athletic Fund.

FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME
North: Students and teacher are not sure if they are going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
South: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

PARKING
North: An hour before game time the University open the campus for game parking.
South: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

GAME DAY
North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up North who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

TAILGATING
North: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

GETTING TO THE STADIUM
North: You ask "Where's the stadium?". When you find it, you walk right in.
South: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

CONCESSIONS
North: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
South: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it. Filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

WHEN NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED
North: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
South: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.

THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORE
North: Nothing changes.
South: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

COMMENTARY (MALE)
North: "Nice play."
South: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!!"

COMMENTARY (FEMALE)
North: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
South: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!!"

ANNOUNCERS
North: Neutral and paid.
South: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

AFTER THE GAME
North: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
South: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.

[macallan25]

Pretty good post.....but please change Dave Matthews Band on Southern Tailgate Entertainment.

Also failed to mention the fraternity house scene on gamedays in the South. Open bars, tremendous amounts of food....tons of alumni and family, hundreds of fellow fratters and sorostitutes.....all starting early in the a.m. after a long previous night of band parties and hefty bar tabs.


On a side note. We win the Big XII South after beating OU in the Shootout by pummeling their anemic offensive line and exploiting their defense that will rely solely on two good LB's. We then play Nebraska or Colorado as usual in the Big XII Championship and gain an automatic BCS bid.

[f8nacn]

Originally Posted by TSteven

Comparison of Northern and Southern Football

WOMEN'S ACCESSORIES
North: Chap stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, water-proof mascara,and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary; that's what dates are for.

STADIUM SIZE
North: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
South: High School football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

FATHERS
North: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

CAMPUS DECOR
North: Statues of founding fathers.
South: Statues of Heisman Trophy winners.

HOMECOMING QUEEN
North: Also a physics major.
South: Also Miss USA.

HEROES
North: Mario Cuomo.
South: Paul "Bear" Bryant.

GETTING TICKETS
North: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.
South: 5 months before the game walk into the ticket office on campus and put name on waiting list for tickets after you donate $5K to the Athletic Fund.

FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME
North: Students and teacher are not sure if they are going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
South: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.

PARKING
North: An hour before game time the University open the campus for game parking.
South: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.

GAME DAY
North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up North who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.

TAILGATING
North: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.

GETTING TO THE STADIUM
North: You ask "Where's the stadium?". When you find it, you walk right in.
South: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes the state's third largest city.

CONCESSIONS
North: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
South: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it. Filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.

WHEN NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED
North: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
South: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.

THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORE
North: Nothing changes.
South: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.

COMMENTARY (MALE)
North: "Nice play."
South: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!!"

COMMENTARY (FEMALE)
North: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
South: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!!"

ANNOUNCERS
North: Neutral and paid.
South: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.

AFTER THE GAME
North: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
South: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week's game.

This taught me a lesson...I was definitely laughing my way through it...

[AOIIalum]

Originally Posted by TSteven

I predict that Kentucky will not win the SEC. Nor the Eastern Division of the SEC. If Providence is with the Cats, we may be fortunate to make a bowl game. Most likely in some forsaken place. But what the hell, the fans in the stands always have a hell of a good time.

GO CATS!

Why did you put that horrible icon in your post? I fixed it so it's all better now. As long as I can score tickets for Homecoming (v. Georgia) this year I'll be happy regardless of the record.

I'm also going with Auburn in the SEC West and overall conference, with Florida or (don't laugh) South Carolina in the SEC East. I told you not to laugh.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by AOIIalum

Why did you put that horrible icon in your post? I fixed it so it's all better now. As long as I can score tickets for Homecoming (v. Georgia) this year I'll be happy regardless of the record.

I'm also going with Auburn in the SEC West and overall conference, with Florida or (don't laugh) South Carolina in the SEC East. I told you not to laugh.

I've edited it, just for you!