joke of the day

[SydneyK]

Everyone needs a good laugh on hump day.

Why women should avoid a girls’ night out after they are married:

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh, shit!", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

[SOPi_Jawbreaker]

That was an excellent joke.

[teena]

HILARIOUS!!!!!

[OhioCentaur]

lmao.... oh snap i had to share that one with the office hahaha

[BobbyTheDon]

shiet. if my wife ever lied to me like that, she'd get the backhand and a dutch oven.

[Rudey]

Originally posted by BobbyTheDon
shiet. if my wife ever lied to me like that, she'd get the backhand and a dutch oven.

Damn. Dutch oven son? You need some red vines and mr. pibb ASAP!

-Rudey

[mulattogyrl]

LMAO

Hahaha....niiiice.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by OTW

Hahaha....niiiice.

Wait - is OTW actually banned, and why?

I know I've really been on a couple minutes a day for the past year or so, but WTF???

[LucyKKG]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Wait - is OTW actually banned, and why?

I know I've really been on a couple minutes a day for the past year or so, but WTF???

Woah, that's news to me, too!

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by LucyKKG

Woah, that's news to me, too!

So, that post I just quoted now says "Unregistered User" with 0 posts.

Did OTW get John to delete her account?

I'm so confused.

[tld221]

HAHAHA nice way to wake up froma drunk nite out! lol

[UKDaisy]

lol that was funny!

[SydneyK]

It's clearly time for another pick-me-up.

How To Shower Like a Man:

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, put hands on hips and shake your lower torso at her, making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

4. Admire the size of your privates and scratch your butt.

5. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

6. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

7. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

8. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

9. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

10. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

11. Rinse off and get out of shower.

12. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
13. Admire privates in mirror again.

14. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

15. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake lower torso at her, and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

16. Leave wet towel on bed.



How To Shower Like a Woman:

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

7. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes or until red.

8. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

9. Rinse conditioner off hair.

10. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

11. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Hang large body-drying towel.

12. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

13. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

[BetteDavisEyes]

That had me laughing out loud in the office.