What is worse?

#1 04-21-2005, 01:27 PM

If you are married is it worse for your spouse to have an emotional or a physical affair?
This topic has come up recently with some people I know and I was just curious what you think.
Someone I know thinks their husband was cheating on her. He denies sexual infidelity but he definitely spent a large amount of time with this other woman, hours on the phone, etc.

OH snap, sorry this should've gone in D&R, huh?

lauralaylin · #2 04-21-2005, 01:29 PM

I'm not sure which one I would consider worse, but I would be totally devastated if either occurred to me. Either one is bad, can ruin a marriage. I hope your friend and her husband are going to start couseling.

KSigkid · #3 04-21-2005, 01:40 PM

My best advice would be for you to stay out of the situation - even if your friend tries to get you involved, I would leave it up to the couple in question.

That said...for myself, either type would be bad, although the physical would hurt more. I think it would be impossible to forget the image of someone else sleeping with your significant other.

UlChiOCutie26 · #4 04-21-2005, 01:41 PM

There is a lady at my work that has been having an affair over e-mail for several years now. The reason why we know is that her computer is the main hub of our company, and when we were in her e-mail trying to retrive an important document, we saw subjects saying, "hey honey" and "good morning sweetie" and it wasnt her husband! Also, before I was in this job, there are some women that told me about her affair and even printed some e-mails off. TALK ABOUT DRAMA! I am glad I wasn't there to see that!

I think that both ways are worse. I guess you have to be put in the situation to explain it.

cashmoney · #5 04-21-2005, 01:41 PM

They just need a divorce if he's taking comfort in another woman. It doesnt take a rocket scientist to know that if he's doing that, he's already gone.

#6 04-21-2005, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KSigkid
My best advice would be for you to stay out of the situation - even if your friend tries to get you involved, I would leave it up to the couple in question.

That said...for myself, either type would be bad, although the physical would hurt more. I think it would be impossible to forget the image of someone else sleeping with your significant other.

I haven't gotten involved at all, it's actually a family member and I'm jsut trying to be supportive. I think a split up is inevitable.

honeychile · #7 04-21-2005, 03:05 PM

ADPiZXalum, both forms are emotional desertion, according to Pauline privilege in I Corninthians, and most pastors recognize that.

If I had to choose between the two, I'd rather that my spouse had a one-time physical fling, rather than an emotionally-vested affair.

valkyrie · #8 04-21-2005, 03:14 PM

Where do you draw the line between an emotional affair and just being friends?

KSigkid · #9 04-21-2005, 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ADPiZXalum
I haven't gotten involved at all, it's actually a family member and I'm jsut trying to be supportive. I think a split up is inevitable.

I didn't mean to sound as critical as I did...when it's someone you care about I think it's very easy to get caught up in the situation. I've definitely done it before, I think everyone has.

honeychile · #10 04-21-2005, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Where do you draw the line between an emotional affair and just being friends?

The difference between lust/sexual innuendo and being strictly platonic, I guess.

I know one couple who's dating. He still has this fantasy about a woman he dated years ago. I think she's crazy, thinking that he's "faithful" to her - she has no idea who he's emotionally with, half the time!

33girl · #11 04-21-2005, 03:55 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Where do you draw the line between an emotional affair and just being friends?

If you're telling the other person things you would have previously shared with your partner and your partner only.

#12 04-21-2005, 04:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KSigkid
I didn't mean to sound as critical as I did...when it's someone you care about I think it's very easy to get caught up in the situation. I've definitely done it before, I think everyone has.

I didn't mean to sound so defensive.

#13 04-21-2005, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Where do you draw the line between an emotional affair and just being friends?

Well for example, at Thanksgiving he barely spoke to his wife or any of her family, yet phone records later show that he spent over an hour on the phone with the other woman. He is emotionally removed from his wife and has all of that invested in this other woman. Women are very emotional beings, I guess that's where it crosses the line, I don't know exactly.

winnieb · #14 04-21-2005, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie
Where do you draw the line between an emotional affair and just being friends?

My take is a little different than the other answer--- an emotional affair has nothing to do with sex-- not saying you can't be attracted to the person. But it becomes an emotional affair when the friend is the person to which you turn to-before your spouse. The other person takes on the emotional role of the spouse. When the friend is the person you want to talk to, want to hear from, get giddy when he/she calls, you "light up" when they walk in the room, etc. Basically when your heart and emotions are more "smitten" with someone other than your spouse, that is an emotional affair.