Don't take it personal...

Ideal08 · #1 02-11-2005, 02:51 PM

take the bitter with the sweet. Easy come, easy go...

I wanted to know what, if anything, you take personally at your place of employment. When do you feel like someone is stepping on your toes? Do you get offended if you write something and someone else edits it? Do you take it personally? Do you take such personal pride in whatever you produce that you are anxious about how much it will be edited? And if you do, how do you handle it? Do you quietly stew, go off, or send condescending emails?

futurestar1 · #2 02-11-2005, 05:01 PM

This is a problem I am having with taking things personally. I have one coworker who is always up my butt about tasks that i complete for her. Today she was following up on something she just asked me to do yesterday (mind you she is not the only person I support and I have my own stuff today), I told her no but it is going out today. "Do you think I am going to wait until the last minute?"

She replies, "Yes" and acted like she was joking.

I was like" Well if i havent given you any reason before now to thnk I would do that, then I don't know why you would think that. Let me do it now so you can get off my back."

I know what it is. Bottom line, she is afraid Imma get promoted and take her job. If she spent more time worrying about herself and executing on her job, she wouldnt need to be worried about me creeping up from behind.

I have decided to beat her to the punch every time, and any time I have something due for her, Im going to give continuous progress reports until its annoying.

tinydancer · #3 02-11-2005, 09:57 PM

I take it personally when people go all behind my back instead of coming to me and discussing the situation. There are a few teachers in my school who would rather go to the principal and complain about something I did or did not do than to come to me and tell me about it. I've sometimes gone to that person and told them that things could have been worked out much faster if they had come directly to me. It does make me mad.

Sistermadly · #4 02-11-2005, 10:55 PM

Ooh.. this one is fresh for me.... I take it personally when a black woman speaks her mind about something, and suddenly it's taken as 'attitude'.

It happens that I'm the only black woman in my entire building - heck, in my entire division, so of course, I'm the only one on my immediate team. I had a disagreement with one woman (non-black, of course) about a project I was helping her with, and when I backed away, I told our supervisor that it would probably be better if we didn't work on any projects together until we got to know each other better, and could have a better feel for each other's working styles.

Well. You know what happened.

Suddenly, people thought I was "angry" and "confrontational", and thought it was such a HUGE deal that I mentioned the incident to the supervisor! Even when I told them repeatedly that I wasn't mad, people still walked around like they were on eggshells for about a week and a half! A sister can't speak her mind without people thinking it's an attitude thing!

mccoyred · #5 02-12-2005, 01:11 AM

Unfortunately, the portrayal of Omarosa really confirmed to the world that we are all Angry Black Women.

Quote:

Originally posted by Sistermadly
Ooh.. this one is fresh for me.... I take it personally when a black woman speaks her mind about something, and suddenly it's taken as 'attitude'.

It happens that I'm the only black woman in my entire building - heck, in my entire division, so of course, I'm the only one on my immediate team. I had a disagreement with one woman (non-black, of course) about a project I was helping her with, and when I backed away, I told our supervisor that it would probably be better if we didn't work on any projects together until we got to know each other better, and could have a better feel for each other's working styles.

Well. You know what happened.

Suddenly, people thought I was "angry" and "confrontational", and thought it was such a HUGE deal that I mentioned the incident to the supervisor! Even when I told them repeatedly that I wasn't mad, people still walked around like they were on eggshells for about a week and a half! A sister can't speak her mind without people thinking it's an attitude thing!

BabyBlue91 · #6 02-12-2005, 08:15 PM

Oh, dear, did I need this topic ...

Last summer my workplace was selected by the state for the signing of an important bill. After three straight days of azz-busting, my supervisor pulled me aside and said that since rain was anticipated the next morning, a decision had been made to have me stay behind and take telephone calls (a rain location had been determined and the signing ended up taking place there.) So everyone in my department went to the event and had lunch on the president afterward ... except me. To this day, I am convinced that the powers that be didn't want an overweight woman walking around representing them. I probably would have let it go ... except that I've had to scan most of the photos related to this event, file all the media coverage, add photos to the annual holiday card, etc.

On a recent note, a department in my office recently hired a temp, and the chick just rubs me the wrong way, in ways I will not elaborate on here. I am very tempted to ask the staff in her department how long they expect the assignment to last (that's lowdown-speak for "When do you expect this chick will raise her azz up out of here?").

SummerChild · #7 02-13-2005, 03:14 PM

I am a first-year associate at a lawfirm so practically *everything* that I write gets edited and edited and edited - mostly just b/c every partner has a different preference as to how they want their work product to read, etc. Fortunately, I haven't really had too much substance edited such that I feel that they don't think that I can communicate - it's usually nitpicky stuff that's unique to them. But I know that it's hard to take hte criticism. I just try to remember that as time goes on, I'll include those nitpicky things automatically and hopefully the revisions will go down in number.
SC

Quote:

Originally posted by Ideal08
take the bitter with the sweet. Easy come, easy go...

I wanted to know what, if anything, you take personally at your place of employment. When do you feel like someone is stepping on your toes? Do you get offended if you write something and someone else edits it? Do you take it personally? Do you take such personal pride in whatever you produce that you are anxious about how much it will be edited? And if you do, how do you handle it? Do you quietly stew, go off, or send condescending emails?

Lady of Pearl · #8 02-13-2005, 08:44 PM

I too have been picked out to be picked on at work- LOL, but once my supervisor saw that I had my lesson plans together, showed up for work every day and assumed my share of the responsibilities, he eased off. It feels so good to be on top of your game. As someone once said:

"By doing your best, the habits of misusing your word, taking things PERSONALLY, and making assumptions will become weaker and less frequent with time. - DON Miquel Ruiz

AKA_Monet · #9 02-14-2005, 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sistermadly
Ooh.. this one is fresh for me.... I take it personally when a black woman speaks her mind about something, and suddenly it's taken as 'attitude'.

It happens that I'm the only black woman in my entire building - heck, in my entire division, so of course, I'm the only one on my immediate team. I had a disagreement with one woman (non-black, of course) about a project I was helping her with, and when I backed away, I told our supervisor that it would probably be better if we didn't work on any projects together until we got to know each other better, and could have a better feel for each other's working styles.

Well. You know what happened.

Suddenly, people thought I was "angry" and "confrontational", and thought it was such a HUGE deal that I mentioned the incident to the supervisor! Even when I told them repeatedly that I wasn't mad, people still walked around like they were on eggshells for about a week and a half! A sister can't speak her mind without people thinking it's an attitude thing!

Sistermadly--

The thing is, "THEY" say stuff like, "you're not a team player" that further gets ingrained into your psyche when those "silly folks" act stupid...

And when they see it "gets" to you in "that way"--that is when they've got you pigeonholed...

How do you get out the box?

Well, I say turnabout is fair play... This is the business world... So, turn it back right on the folks asking the stupid questions about you speaking your mind on things you know to be correct... And use the "business lingo" in your field that downplays that "helpless innocent" person "THEY" think you've devoured... Like, words such as "incompentent" or "insubordinate" are the "recordable" words that happen to get entered into folks memory files and banks... Hmmmm....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How I got over my hump...

Well, pursue a Ph.D. in ANYTHING that "WE" are not suppose to even fathom being interested in...

I've heard all kinds of stupid comments made by colleagues and superiors regarding my race...

Usually, if I don't allow myself to get riled up and hear the fallacy of their thought process, then I have nailed them and point it out... Where they see just how stupid their comments to me were...

Then, I have to take aerobics and other things to relieve the stress of keeping my mouth shut for ignorance...

You have to have a sordid sense of pleasure to endure lunacy frothing from bigots mouths... You just have to do it that way or else you will be fighting everybody in the defense position... Unfortunately, that's the way the world is, right now... I dunno if it will ever change... But that's the way it is in my world...

Sistermadly · #10 02-14-2005, 09:34 AM

Excellent suggestion, AKA_Monet. I'll have to definitely put that into practice now that I don't have my annual review looming over my head.

And I totally agree about working out to relieve the stress. I actually had to barter with my supervisor to allow me to modify my work schedule so that I could go to the gym every day. What I didn't tell him is that I needed to go to the gym every day so that I can suffer you fools!

#1 Leading Lady · #11 02-14-2005, 01:53 PM

My former supervisor use to tap my ICQ inter-office instant messages....with I am doing it for Quality Assurance....come on now.. Quality Assurance is me and the customer not me and a co-worker. Then when I brought this to his attention he said he monitored it to see about our processes. I am then like ok, if I am talking to so and so co worker about something don't you think we know our processes and not need you to be a third wheel in our convol. I just got over that hump by when replying or answering questions on ICQ so Mr. Manager what do you think? right in the msg

Ideal08 · #12 02-14-2005, 03:32 PM

I actually started this thread to complain about folks taking things personal that they shouldn't and I wanted to see if other people took the same things personal so that I could have a wee bit of compassion for the people I work with. Well, forget about them. Today, it's all about me.

I take it TOTALLY personal when people talk to me like I don't know WTF I'm doing. Now, when I actually DON'T know because I haven't been TRAINED or SHOWN something, they take the attitude of, "oh, Monique, you should have known this. I didn't tell/show you? I'm sorry... in the future...." Yeah, they can assume when they drop the ball. But if I'm totally on top of it??? I GET SPOKEN TO LIKE I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE. Pisses me off.

Prime example. I am in charge of a certain reoccuring project. I DECIDED how to do it. I CAME UP WITH THE STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE of what needs to be done and how. So how do you look coming to me trying to explain to me what needs to be done? If I hadn't emailed it to YOU, how would YOU know? And then to actually EXPLAIN it to me like I have NO IDEA how it's done??? GTFOOHWDBS!

You know what else I take personally? Being trained on something, doing it EXACTLY as I was trained to do it, then having someone go in behind me to check the work? I'll tell you what: YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF. OR at least explain to me WHY it takes two of us. Am I missing something? Am I not doing it right (even though I'm only doing what I was SHOWN to do by the SAME person who is going in behind me)? Because it is not an efficient use of time to have TWO people do ONE task. It's not. If you are THAT concerned, then you can do it THE FIRST TIME and I can do something else. Because my plate is not empty, I have other stuff to do. Such a waste of time.

Bureaucracy... I can't stand it. I can't stand when people really get off on what their title is. Whatever - YOU ARE EXPENDABLE. And recent events should show you that. You are NOT all that!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

AKA2D '91 · #13 02-14-2005, 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ideal08

Bureaucracy... I can't stand it. I can't stand when people really get off on what their title is. Whatever - YOU ARE EXPENDABLE. And recent events should show you that. You are NOT all that!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds like a bunch of folks who need their egos stroked.

Tell 'em Soror, you AREN'T (ain't would fit better) the one!

AKA_Monet · #14 02-14-2005, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ideal08
I actually started this thread to complain about folks taking things personal that they shouldn't and I wanted to see if other people took the same things personal so that I could have a wee bit of compassion for the people I work with. Well, forget about them. Today, it's all about me.

I take it TOTALLY personal when people talk to me like I don't know WTF I'm doing. Now, when I actually DON'T know because I haven't been TRAINED or SHOWN something, they take the attitude of, "oh, Monique, you should have known this. I didn't tell/show you? I'm sorry... in the future...." Yeah, they can assume when they drop the ball. But if I'm totally on top of it??? I GET SPOKEN TO LIKE I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE. Pisses me off.

Prime example. I am in charge of a certain reoccuring project. I DECIDED how to do it. I CAME UP WITH THE STANDARD OPERATING PROCEDURE of what needs to be done and how. So how do you look coming to me trying to explain to me what needs to be done? If I hadn't emailed it to YOU, how would YOU know? And then to actually EXPLAIN it to me like I have NO IDEA how it's done??? GTFOOHWDBS!

You know what else I take personally? Being trained on something, doing it EXACTLY as I was trained to do it, then having someone go in behind me to check the work? I'll tell you what: YOU CAN DO IT YOURSELF. OR at least explain to me WHY it takes two of us. Am I missing something? Am I not doing it right (even though I'm only doing what I was SHOWN to do by the SAME person who is going in behind me)? Because it is not an efficient use of time to have TWO people do ONE task. It's not. If you are THAT concerned, then you can do it THE FIRST TIME and I can do something else. Because my plate is not empty, I have other stuff to do. Such a waste of time.

Bureaucracy... I can't stand it. I can't stand when people really get off on what their title is. Whatever - YOU ARE EXPENDABLE. And recent events should show you that. You are NOT all that!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

SUCK IT UP SOROR!!!

You gotta suck that bullisht up and move on... 'cuz it WILL make you crazy...

Been done did dat dere, done been done did dat too and gotta big ol' phat T-shirt with puhleeze FCUK me over on it...

Folks have to think they are "special"... This is where the "southern hospitality" mentality kicks in... Let "them" think that chit... Rub that kindness all up in their faces... Like, "catch more flies with honey than you do with salt..."

Let the MFs show you how they think it needs to be done (whatever) then go on about your business and do your own thang... But back EVERYTHING up in writing, email with a huge long papertrail--'cuz if the chit don't work out--it ain't cuz of you... It's cuz of dumbass MF...

I wrote daily in my lab book about my experimental progress... AND I took that chit home or made copies of that crap... DAYUM sho' did... Backed myself up 1000s times over, then over again if I had to... And when the boss comes a calling yelling at me 'cuz he thought I failed 'cuz fool tried to overrule my actions--I backed my chit up with paperwork makin' fool look foolish...

Don't hate the playa... Hate the game... That's how to start the hardball... So you havta swing it hard like dat dere too... And fool ain't the pinch hitter...

Any you come up swinging golden...