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5 favorite stand-ups
stand-up comedians
Stephen Lynch - (Lullabye lyrics)he'll drive to the strip club
and if daddy plays his cards right,
he'll bring home your new mommy tonight li de di...
Caros Mencia - Trust me if anybody knows, Carlos knows! Cause I was born in Honduras that's where I was born. But I live in California where no matter what you do or say you're MEXICAN! See you don't understand that white people cause where ever you go you're white. If you're here you're white you go to LA you're white you go to Denver you're white you go to Miami you're still white. I'm Mexican in the southwest but when I go to Miami I'm CUBAN! But if i go to New York, I'm...(audience) "Puerto Rican!"
Mitch Hedberg - I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
Dave Chapelle -
They got a character on there named Oscar, they treat this guy like shit the entire show they judge him right in his face "Oscar you are so mean, isn’t he kids?" "Yeah Oscar, you’re a grouch!" it’s like "bitch I live in a fucking trashcan! I’m the poorest mother-fucker on Sesame Street. Nobody’s helping me." Now you wonder why your kids grow up and step over homeless people "get it together grouch. Get a job grouch."
Daniel Tosh - I think we should legalize marijuana just so potheads have nothing to talk about ever again. I’m so sick of potheads whining. You’re so immature. Grow up and do coke like an adult.
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