married again??

smiley21 · #1 06-09-2004, 05:30 PM

in light of j lo and another situation that hits really close to home, would you marry someone that has been married numerous times?

j lo is not that bad with just three marriages. but how about someone who had been married 5, 6, or even 8 times? could you still trust that the person will stay committed??

texas*princess · #2 06-09-2004, 06:16 PM

Nope

That would just be a really big turn off for me.

swissmiss04 · #3 06-09-2004, 06:19 PM

If I were to be their, say, third marriage definitely not. But I was their second, of course. I would, however, make sure that whatever issues they had in their first marriage were resolved and dealt with, such as communication problems, sexual difficulties, imbalance of power, etc. And if they ever talked smack about their ex-wife to me, I'd bolt, but not before giving them the number of a competent therapist that can deal w/ that isht much better than I can.

smiley21 · #4 06-09-2004, 06:25 PM

what if the reason was boredom with the partner?

because really after 5 marriages, the reasons can't be all that resonable.

the reason that i am asking is my father. he is wanting to get married again. this is number 9

Munchkin03 · #5 06-09-2004, 07:50 PM

See, it seriously depends on the marriage number--I wouldn't assign an arbitrary one. Three sounds bad if you're under 40, but if the person's older, there's a possibility that at least 1 of those spouses died. Also, it also depends on the circumstances in which each marriage ended.

But, people like J.Lo, who are young and just getting divorced--they're a red flag. Falling in love is fun and all--but, seriously. Just 'cause you get butterflies doesn't mean you have to run to the altar.

polarpi · #6 06-09-2004, 11:22 PM

I agree with Munchkin....I can't decide on an arbitrary number. My step-father has been married four times....his first wife died, and he divorced his second and third wife, and has been married to my Mom for almost 13 years now. I think he needs to work out some of his issues, however (he brings up things that his previous wives did and holds my mom accountable/accuses her of doing the same things), which I wouldn't get into.

Also, I think it depends on the age of the person considering getting married to someone who's previously been married. I know that at my age (24), I wouldn't want to be marrying someone who's been married 3-4 times already, but for a 35-year old, it may be a different situation.

Jill1228 · #7 06-10-2004, 03:35 AM

I wouldn't want someone married more times than J Lo or Liz Taylor!

I am married to a guy who has been married before (this is my first marriage and his second)

AlphaFrog · #8 06-10-2004, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by smiley21
what if the reason was boredom with the partner?

because really after 5 marriages, the reasons can't be all that resonable.

the reason that i am asking is my father. he is wanting to get married again. this is number 9

TO me, boredom is NOT a reason for divorce...and if you've been married more then 2 or three times and you get "bored" that easily....maybe marriage just isn't for you....

cash78mere · #9 06-10-2004, 05:05 PM

i'm 26. at this point i wouldn't even date someone who had been married before, let alone marry him. as i get older, that opinion may change (although i hope the guy i'm dating is the ONE)

anything over 3 marriages just seems excessive. i guess it depends on the circumstances.

James · #10 06-10-2004, 07:42 PM

I think boredom is one of the best reasons for divorce lol.

Quote:

Originally posted by AlphaFrog
TO me, boredom is NOT a reason for divorce...and if you've been married more then 2 or three times and you get "bored" that easily....maybe marriage just isn't for you....

kandy36 · #11 06-11-2004, 12:40 AM

i love jlo but i think she has an issue that she needs to constantly be with someone..its like low self esteem..if she does have low self esteem i dont know why bc shes beautiful!! but idk whatever floats her boat. she does her own thing and she lives life. personally i dont think its kosher

sororitygirl2 · #12 06-11-2004, 08:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cash78mere
i'm 26. at this point i wouldn't even date someone who had been married before, let alone marry him. as i get older, that opinion may change (although i hope the guy i'm dating is the ONE)

anything over 3 marriages just seems excessive. i guess it depends on the circumstances.

I agree with you! I am young, and - in my opinion - quite a catch. I think I have the right to be picky and when I live out the typical girl "fantasy" of being proposed to, getting married, going on my honeymoon, setting up a house and living happily ever after, I want it to be new and exciting for both of us - not "old hat" for him. This means that I do write off men who have been married before and I don't ever start dating them. Judgemental and unfair? Maybe. But there are a lot of other great guys out there and I'm sure I can find a non-divorcee to make me happy. And I am sure that the great divorcees can find someone else to make them happy besides me.

Now, I may change my tune in a couple years if I am friends with someone first or find myself in a a situation where I want to open myself up to the possibility of dating someone who's been married. But, for the most part I am strongly opposed to divorce so, now, no.

James · #13 06-11-2004, 08:05 PM

Are you strongly opposed to divorce even when things are not working?

Quote:

Originally posted by sororitygirl2
I agree with you! I am young, and - in my opinion - quite a catch. I think I have the right to be picky and when I live out the typical girl "fantasy" of being proposed to, getting married, going on my honeymoon, setting up a house and living happily ever after, I want it to be new and exciting for both of us - not "old hat" for him. This means that I do write off men who have been married before and I don't ever start dating them. Judgemental and unfair? Maybe. But there are a lot of other great guys out there and I'm sure I can find a non-divorcee to make me happy. And I am sure that the great divorcees can find someone else to make them happy besides me.

Now, I may change my tune in a couple years if I am friends with someone first or find myself in a a situation where I want to open myself up to the possibility of dating someone who's been married. But, for the most part I am strongly opposed to divorce so, now, no.

sororitygirl2 · #14 06-11-2004, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Are you strongly opposed to divorce even when things are not working?

I think people lose sight of the fact that you have to, at least to some extent, make things work. So, yes, I often am.

No relationship can survive without a little compromise and you often find that things worth having take some effort. Momma didn't raise no quitter here!

dzsaigirl · #15 06-15-2004, 06:57 PM

Ya know, it's pretty depressing to know that people have such a bad attitude about their potential with someone who was previously married.

I am going to court next week to divorce my husband who admitted to me that he cheated, doesn't want kids and will always put his career above all else.

I did nothing wrong, yet I have to live with this stigma. It hurts to think that people will automatically exclude me from the dating pool.

I would hope that guys would see me as a strong woman who won't put up with a guy who would disrespect her in that way. But perhaps I am wrong, and guys will see me as used goods.

BTW, I am only 26 and I didn't think I believed in divorce either...