Taking a Break

[breathesgelatin]

Have any of you ever "taken a break" with your significant other before??

Why??

Did it do you any good??

I'm on one now, I'm not enjoying it. BOO.
Who started this phenomenon, anyway. I've had boyfriends suggest it before but I really don't know what it's designed to fix or whether it does any good.

Me and my guy have been fighting recently, and he wanted a break so we could clear our heads. I don't think it's a particularly useful thing.

By the way, ours is just for like 2-3 days and we are not allowed to do anything with anyone else... I don't see how a 'break' like that could ever work.

[bethany1982]

I have been with my b/f for 3 years... we took a "break" for 2 weeks last year. It was my idea, but it almost killed me. Did it do any good? Well, we are still together.

[astroAPhi]

Well to me, taking 2-3 days of not seeing each other might be good, but breaking up for that long seems to be taking it a little too far.

My boyfriend and I have been arguing uncharacteristically lately, so I proposed a "break", and he took it as a "breaking-up break". I had to tell him right away that I definitely didn't want that. I just wanted a little more time to myself because I felt we were arguing because we spent too much time together.

Spending a few days apart might do some good. Spend time with yourself or your friends. If you miss him at the end of the few days, well, that should tell you something.

[valkyrie]

My boy has a theory that is it never a good idea to take a step backward. To me, taking a break is just that. Taking a break seems like the thing that you do when at least one of the people in a relationship probably wants to split up for good but for whatever reason is afraid to do that. It's kind of like "let's-see-other-people-lite" or something.

However, not seeing each other for a couple days doesn't seem like that big a deal, but I'd be very careful about where that goes.

[texas*princess]

I personally think taking a break is a good idea. My current boyfriend & I took a break for about 2 weeks to cool off a couple of months ago. Things were just getting crazy, and I think what we both needed was just some 'time-out' to chill. He got to spend some more time w/ his friends, and so did I. It gave us time to cool down and figure out why we were feeling the way we were, and we were better able to 'air things out' about what was happening before.

My older [biological] sister is currently in the middle of a 'break' with her boyfriend of about 7 years. They too were having some problems and it has made him feel so far that he wants to be with her.

[Kevin]

I think I came accross it in some research. Usually a "break" precipitates a permenant break.

Kind of common sense though.

[breathesgelatin]

Originally posted by valkyrie
My boy has a theory that is it never a good idea to take a step backward. To me, taking a break is just that. Taking a break seems like the thing that you do when at least one of the people in a relationship probably wants to split up for good but for whatever reason is afraid to do that. It's kind of like "let's-see-other-people-lite" or something.

This is kind of how I feel. I'm not sure what we'll gain from it. I live in the sorority house and spend TONS of time with my sisters and independent girlfriends anyway, so it's not we're around each other 24/7. We both study a lot so we're often busy with that even if we are together.

I think the real reason I'm so frustrated is that he told me he'd call when he wanted to hang out again. I feel like that gives him all the power and choice in the relationship. It's starting to make me grumpy and I'm worried that the 'break' will cause even more fights. Hopefully it will work like texas*princess said and we will chill out but I feel like the parameters of the break put me in an odd place.

[AZpinkkittie]

Interesting that this thread showed up because I've been thinking about how I want to maybe take a break from my boyfriend. When I say break, I mean, a little more independence, for him and me both. I don't want to be with other guys, and I don't want him to be with other girls. I just want to rest. The catch you say?? I live with him. Moving out for a "break" seems a little extreme, and I don't even know where I would go if I did.

Things have just been bugging me lately, a lot more frequently than before. Should I just talk to him about changing our dynamic, instead of doing something drastic like moving out?? I'm afraid he'll take it wrong, and think I want to break up, or won't take it seriously at all, and nothing will change. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?? I'm in some turmoil here, so any advice you guys can dish out would be appreciated.

[bruinaphi]

Originally posted by valkyrie
It's kind of like "let's-see-other-people-lite" or something.

What a perfect way to describe it. I always believe that when people need breaks they either need better communication in the relationship or they need to break up but are afraid to do so.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I took a ten month break from my bf. It is better now than ever.

[White_Chocolate]

Think of it this way:

If you were married, is it possible to 'take a break'
Or to 'not be married for a month'

Just a hopefully cynic way of looking at it. . .

[texas*princess]

Originally posted by breathesgelatin
This is kind of how I feel. I'm not sure what we'll gain from it. I live in the sorority house and spend TONS of time with my sisters and independent girlfriends anyway, so it's not we're around each other 24/7. We both study a lot so we're often busy with that even if we are together.

I think the real reason I'm so frustrated is that he told me he'd call when he wanted to hang out again. I feel like that gives him all the power and choice in the relationship. It's starting to make me grumpy and I'm worried that the 'break' will cause even more fights. Hopefully it will work like texas*princess said and we will chill out but I feel like the parameters of the break put me in an odd place.

breathesgelatin,
i'm so sorry the break is making you not happy so far I would definately feel the same as you do now when you said you felt frustrated because he told you he'd call when he wanted to hang out again. I would also feel like he was the only one who had some kind of 'say' in the relationship, and you should definately not feel that way. Maybe you should talk to him about the 'parameters of the break' so that it is very clear to the both of you what exactly this means.

To some people 'a break' is synonimous (sp?) with 'breaking up' but in my case, it is was not nessecarily a 'break up', just "a little more independence" like AZpinkkittie described, and a break from all the crazy stuff going on between us and not a lighter way of saying we wanted to see other people.

I really hope everything works out for you

If you want to talk, feel free to PM me

[AlphaGamDiva]

not to be a downer about it, b/c i guess it can work....some marriages need "breaks" and turn out fine.

however, last year i told my b/f i wanted a "break".......just for a lil while b/c i was confused about things and i wasn't being fair or nice to him, so ya know. it was (and unfortunately still is) hard on him....he spoke to me for the first time in A YEAR 2 wknds ago....and he had to be drunk to do it....-sigh- but it had to be done. it turned into a break UP, obviously, and i didn't handle it as well as i should have, but oh well. it's all for the best, i think, but sadly i lost a very good friend.....

i think, though, that if both of us had kept up on it being a break instead of being petrified to talk to each other, it might have turned out differently eventually.....but not now.

so if you say it's only for 2-3 days, MAKE SURE IT'S ONLY FOR THAT LONG!!!! sometimes relationships need a lil oompf......this could be your's!

GOOD LUCK AND KEEP US POSTED!!!

[breathesgelatin]

Just an update... My boyfriend called last night... I guess his idea of a break was like 48 hours! so we're good!