Say something nice or nothing at all!

[Sue_XO]

It has been too many years since I did the recruitment scene but we had a rule that during discussion- you could not say anything mean about a rushee. Is that still true today? Half of me loved the rule because no one wants a room filled with girls bashing you but then I think that if a girl was immoral (i.e. got caught showering with 5 fraternity guys at their house) - you could not stand up and say hey- the chick is a tart! Just wondering if that rule is still around and if your organization uses it.

[veruca76]

Originally posted by Sue_XO:
(i.e. got caught showering with 5 fraternity guys at their house)

Did someone actually do that! Anyway, our rule was that you couldn't bash someone in front of the whole group BUT if you had a story like that where a rushee HAD to be dropped we were encouraged to speak to the Rush Advisor privately and she'd take care of it.

[carnation]

We would just say meaningfully, "I don't believe she'd be happy here," and if someone pressed the issue, we were supposed to take it up with the alum advisory board. That never had to be done while I was there--everybody knew what you meant without any gory details being trumpeted.

[Sue_XO]

Originally posted by veruca76:
Did someone actually do that! Anyway, our rule was that you couldn't bash someone in front of the whole group BUT if you had a story like that where a rushee HAD to be dropped we were encouraged to speak to the Rush Advisor privately and she'd take care of it.

Yep- not only did I know the girl who did it but my ex-boyfriend married her!!!!! For all my greek sisters out there...don't worry- no sorority took her!

[amycat412]

We had that rule. And a list of "approved" adjectives we could use. Could not use Stupid, Fat, Ugly, Slutty, etc. We used to crack ourselves up coming up with alternative "approved" ways of saying this.

[AngelPhiSig]

We are not allowed to use anything that is hearsay, we couldnt say that a girl was caught showering with five fraternity guys, unless we saw them. Any accusations have to be valid, and they cant be dumb like "I know that she was sleeping in class yesterday" or "She told me she wanted to be an XYZ" or "She was walking with some FGH's, I think she wants to be with them" They have to be like "I saw her smoking up the other day, I know we dont want someone like that in our organization."

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"...A dynamic sisterhood of powerful and passionate women maintaining uncompromising principles, igniting positive change, and embracing individuality!"

Phi Sigma Sigma - Gamma Gamma Chapter
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1-9-4-6 Doohretsis!

Tau Beta Sigma - Delta Omicron Chapter
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Go Golden Chickens! I mean EAGLES!

There are only a few good things that came out of Clarion- Chris Kirkpatrick of NSync, Kurt Angle (Pre WWF!) and any PHI SIGMA SIGMA!

[ilovemyglo]

Our rule is no hearsay also. We can talk to the recruitment person or membership person if we have concerns and aren't sure they can be voiced. I like the approved way of saying things though... my favorite is "Morally Casual".

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"...and love her for her womanhood."

[CutiePie2000]

Originally posted by ilovemyglo:
my favorite is "Morally Casual".

I was JUST THINKING the same thing!
That is from b]Animal House[/b]! I love that line!

[CutiePie2000]

Originally posted by ilovemyglo:
my favorite is "Morally Casual".

I was JUST THINKING the same thing!
That is from Animal House! I love that line!

[Corbin Dallas]

We don't have any rules on saying anything mean, but if you have something bad to say about a guy, like you don't like him, you have to have a good reason, not just "he's a dork" On the other end though, you can't say "he's cool" you have to explain why he's "cool"

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Steve Corbin
Lambda Chi Alpha
Theta Kappa Chapter
Rose-Hulman Inst. of Tech.

[twinstars]

we're not allowed to say anything specifically negative when we're talking about a rushee before the whole house. someone might instead say, "she's not an XYZ (us)..." we all know exactly what that means and don't discuss it further. or, "she had some problems with ABC fraternity" (but not elaborate).

we will just come out and say it if someone's met her and thought she was snobby, rude, or something like that.

what we don't do is tell gossipy third-hand stories or bash girls for ten minutes at a time.

if someone has a real problem with a girl, she could take it to our rush advisor, or else just clue in a few people (not during the group meetings).

i think my house is pretty good about not being catty during membership selection. i know of other groups that definitely DO talk about a girl's looks and weight, as a group.

[shadokat]

I know that when we sit down after our parties to cut girls, nobody can "con" a girl until someone "pros" her. This is usually not difficult, and it also allows someone who liked her to say something nice before the cons come rolling out.

[USFSDTAlum]

worriedsenior:
before you are in the system, or have intricate knowledge of the system, maybe you should refrain from bashing the system.
Maybe you should re-read what people have posted in what the look for in a PNM. Money and looks are great and all but if she's going to sit on her ass for a semester and not contribute, not attend, and not show up next year, another group can have her! As far as GPA, that shows me that she worked hard in HS to achieve something, also remember that formal rush is very fake on both sides. Both the sororities and the rushees and putting their best sides forward, and that often means brushing some facts under the table. Would YOU tell a potential employeer that you were indiscreet about your personal relationships. No, I hardly think so , that is not something that comes up in polite convesation. The sisters aren't sitting their going, what your name? age? where are you from? how many people have you slept with?...And as far as that goes, you can usually tell the in a ten minute conversation the girls who want to join a sorority for boys and beer. They are the ones talking about the parties they want to go to, while the worthwhile PNM's are talking about the community service they preformed in HS. SO yeah, your "friends" will probably get a bid somewhere, why does it matter if you are not in there chapter.
On another note:
we have list of words that we are supposed to use, and if these don't fit I have heard some other *colorful* (wink, wink) terms used. But I have never heard in argument in my chapter about looks/weight/ etc. If she is an asset to our chapter she will be one regardless of whether she is a size 6 or 16 or 26.( we must remember that the majority of girls going through rush are well to do, attractive, with good grades, and personality) that does not mean by any means that this is a required thing.If it comes down to 2 girls for a spot and one is an air headed twit, albeit beautiful, rich, smart (on paper) but only wants to join b/c her boyfriend is an XYZ, and someone who is less attractive, not as wealthy, but is gung-ho about taking on chapter responsibilitys, the bid is going to the second girl.

[Kapsig1]

<<What is the difference if everyone knows "morally challenged" means slut?>>

I applaud your "call it as I see it" mentality. But then, I'm not one to mince words with bunch of PC garbage. I DO think however, that it's better to follow the "praise in public, criticize in private" thing IF POSSIBLE. I know that in our membership roundtables, we were pretty open to discussing confirmed, first hand accounts of someone being a fool. Anything second hand is rumor and unreliable.

<<Personally, the sex life, drug life, spiritual life of another is not my business unless it is harmful to others>>

This can be a harmful mentality to any chapter. The "I don't care what you do on your time (even with the until it is harful to others)" thing is contradictory to the values we all profess - primarily REALLY caring about our fellow members. If someone is risking their welfare through rampant casual sex and/or drug use/abuse then each of us has a responsibility to help them. And is they are a rushee, the same should hold true - but in case you need another point, don't think for a minute that pledging a few drugies or "morally casual" folks won't impact the chapter's rep. Right, wrong or indifferent - perception is reality, and if it's perceived that you pledge the drugies or the loose, the chapter is guilty by association.
Brad

[Kapsig1]

<<What is the difference if everyone knows "morally challenged" means slut?>>

I applaud your "call it as I see it" mentality. But then, I'm not one to mince words with bunch of PC garbage. I DO think however, that it's better to follow the "praise in public, criticize in private" thing IF POSSIBLE. I know that in our membership roundtables, we were pretty open to discussing confirmed, first hand accounts of someone being a fool. Anything second hand is rumor and unreliable.

<<Personally, the sex life, drug life, spiritual life of another is not my business unless it is harmful to others>>

This can be a harmful mentality to any chapter. The "I don't care what you do on your time (even with the until it is harful to others)" thing is contradictory to the values we all profess - primarily REALLY caring about our fellow members. If someone is risking their welfare through rampant casual sex and/or drug use/abuse then each of us has a responsibility to help them. And is they are a rushee, the same should hold true - but in case you need another point, don't think for a minute that pledging a few drugies or "morally casual" folks won't impact the chapter's rep. Right, wrong or indifferent - perception is reality, and if it's perceived that you pledge the drugies or the loose, the chapter is often found guilty by association.
Brad