Please help!

[daisymargarita]

What do you do if you only get invited back to 2 sororities, and they happened to be the very last ones on your list? That's what happened to me, and I feel like a total loser right now. I don't even want to go to their parties tonight because I KNOW I don't want either of them... but I have to in order to be eligible for a snap bid. Can anyone give me any advice on how to feel better about this? Nothing is worse than the feeling of rejection!

[PenguinTrax]

First off, you are not a loser. Every chapter looks for different things in their members.

Take a deep breath and take a long, mature look at the situation. There are still 2 groups on campus that really want you for a sister. They already feel that you would make a great addition to their chapter. Is there nothing about either of these groups that appeal to you? There must be something, because you've visited them every night this week. Think back and remember how these women acted with you and with each other - were they sincere in their desire to know you? Did you think to yourself "Wow, these girls are not just sisters during Rush, but friends when Rush is over?" If the answer to either of these questions is "yes", I would advise that you attend both these parties with an open mind. Let the members tell you why their sorority is special to them and why they want you in their chapter. Talk with your Rho Chi about this. You can attend the parties and, at the end of them, if you really decide that you cannot be happy in either of these chapters, you can decline the opportunity to fill out a preference card, thereby removing yourself from the recruitment process. You would be eligible for snap bidding or COB.

If you submit a preference card and receive a bid, you are obligated to accept it. If you do not accept the bid, you are not eligible for snap bidding or any sort of recruitment for one calendar year. If you are thinking of filling out your pref card with the assumption that you will not get bid - think again. Since you are on the pref lists of two chapters, you will appear on their bid lists and most likely you will be bid by one of these chapters.

If you think that dropping out of rush will make your #1 chapter (the one that did not invite you back) snap bid you, think again. If they wanted you as a sister so much, they would have invited you back for prefs. Yes, this sounds harsh but in emotional situations like this, sometimes a reality check is needed.

If the chapter that did not invite you back is as popular with the rest of the prospectives as they are with you, most likely this chapter will take quota and/or be at campus total. They would not be eligible to snap bid or COB anyone.

My advice? Talk to your Rho Chi - she is there to counsel you on situations just like this. Personally, I've always felt that a young woman can be happy just about anywhere, if both the woman and the chapter put forth the effort. Trust me, I know exactly what this disappointment is like - my bid was from my third choice. But, I realized that it was more important to me to be Greek AND that this chapter really,really liked me already. I would much rather go to a chapter that wanted me so badly, than drop out of the process altogether. Now, 18 years later, I can look back and realize how silly it was of me 'not' to put this chapter as #1. I've had so many wonderful experiences and grown so much as a woman and as a leader.

Best of luck...you will be in my thoughts!
Barbara

[daisymargarita]

Thanks so much... That did help. But truthfully, I don't understand why these two sororities put me on their pref lists. I didn't feel comfortable with them and really did not know what to say to them. They were my 7th and 8th choices out of 8 sororities. I will not drop out of rush, because I do want to be eligible for other types of bidding, and I will try to keep an open mind tonight. But it won't be easy, and I can't help having a negative attitude about the other sororities altogether. I mean, if they didn't want me the first time, then even if they give me snap bids or COB's, I don't really know if I'd even want to accept them. I wasn't good enough for them the first time. It's just so disappointing when I didn't get invited back to the ones I felt most at home with. And I hate to say it, but the ones that did invite me back are also the least popular ones on campus... so they probably only invited me because they won't get prefs from too many of the rushees. It's just the truth. I will try to keep an open mind, but I also don't want to end up somewhere where I'm not happy. I'd rather just not be in a sorority than do that.

[PenguinTrax]

Originally posted by daisymargarita:
And I hate to say it, but the ones that did invite me back are also the least popular ones on campus... so they probably only invited me because they won't get prefs from too many of the rushees.

A chapter, no matter how small, would not invite back potential members if they don't really want them as contributing members of the chapter. A good question to ask yourself would be what are you looking for as a Greek? If all you are looking for is to be part of a 'popular' crowd, this isn't for you, per se. If you are looking for a lifetime connection to women all over the world then join a chapter and work towards improving that chapter (if it needs it). You are only going to be at college for 4 years, but your affiliation is for life. The chapter you are in at LWC may not be popular there, but it could be tops elsewhere. Don't just the entire organization by one chapter. If the chapters ideals are something you can stand behind and if there is at least one woman that you could call sister and friend, then join the chapter and make the most of it. Be a leader.


It's just the truth. I will try to keep an open mind, but I also don't want to end up somewhere where I'm not happy. I'd rather just not be in a sorority than do that.

There are three scenarios to consider:

1. If you drop out of Recruitment before prefs, you stand the chance of not getting into any chapter because everyone may take quota and/or reach total. Then you would have to wait to see if any new members drop OR seniors graduate and leave the chapter below total OR wait until formal recruitment in 2001.

2. If you go through prefs and don't accept the bid offered to you, you won't be eligible to join for one calendar year. You would have to wait until formal recruitment 2001.

3. You go through prefs, accept the bid offered to you and give it a chance (for at least a month) one of two things will happen:

a) You find out you really love the chapter and become a happy and active member

or

b) You decide after a month that this really isn't for you and you depledge before initiation. You wouldn't be eligible to join another group for one calendar year.

Only one of the above situations ends up with you as part of a chapter and being welcomed along with other new members.

I can't stress this enough - talk with your Recruitment Counselor.

Barb

[AXO Alum]

Daisymargarita -
Calm down and seriously read what Barb is telling you. She is by far the most experienced on this board when it comes to these issues. I have never disagreed with her advice to anyone on these matters (along with many other posters) which I think says a lot considering the large amount of turmoil that is often created on these boards.

She could not be more right than when she says no matter how small these chapters are they wouldn't invite you back if they didn't see you in their house. Having been through 7 formal recruitments (including the one that just ended on Sunday) ~ 5 of which have been from an advisory position (i.e., I see it all!) ~ and umpteen informals I can truly second her motion! We have chapters on campus that run from 50 members full time to one that struggles around 15 ~ and even this small chapter didn't give pref invites to every rushee (although they had the option). Please attend these pref ceremonies ~ if you quit now you may be saying "...if only" for another year while waiting to be eligible for a bid. Email Barbara or me ~ I'll even give you my phone # if you want and you can talk my ear off about it! I'd rather have you talking your options out than dropping out. And most importantly...again from Barb...talk to your Rho Chi! This is why she has this job!!!

You are in our thoughts and I know that things will work out...they always do. Just please give it a chance! Good Luck!

[daisymargarita]

I'm not dropping out! I do want to give these two chapters a chance. I guess I just don't understand why they want me, because I don't see how I could have made any impression on them. But I am sure they have their reasons, and I am definitely willing to give them a chance! A friend of my family's is an alum of one of these chapters, and I really liked her, so I'm sure I'll like these girls too if I just give them a chance! Thanks for all your advice!

[AXO Alum]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by daisymargarita:
I'm not dropping out! I do want to give these two chapters a chance.

Good for you! That is a very positive response ~

I guess I just don't understand why they want me, because I don't see how I could have made any impression on them.

There could be a million reasons ~ which is why you should attend pref. It is very symbolic and the person who pref's you will tell you what she and the chapter sees in you. Listen carefully to her, and ask her questions about her bond with her sisters (i.e., what is your most special memory?) These types of questions allow her to open up to you and show you a little more about how she feels about the sisterhood ~ which is exactly what you need to know to make an informed decision!

A friend of my family's is an alum of one of these chapters, and I really liked her

How exciting! I'm sure she has represented her group well. That's the best part of being greek - not 4 years but 4 life!

Thanks for all your advice!

The advice is free...sisterhood is priceless! Keep us informed no matter what - you have my personal email now so I expect to hear updates...LOL! Good luck & best wishes!




[This message has been edited by AXO Alum (edited September 21, 2000).]

[SoCalGirl]

Hi Daisy!

I agree with Barbara too. However, isn't this LWCs informal rush? I know you mentioned on another board that DZ couldn't rush because they're at total. That tells me that this isn't formal rush. Well, that along with the fact that when my friends went there formal was always in the spring. So I'd say go to the Prefs (assuming you got all your studying done for that big test ) and give each chapter a fair chance tonight.

Also, unless LWC has some different rules, I don't believe that you HAVE to attend Prefs to be eligible for a snap bid. And if you do get a snap bid, it's because the chapter wants you. Don't worry about what happened to cause you to not be invited to Pref. Some whack things can happen during Rush. Just move past that and get to know you're new sisters.

One more thing on all this, we've all said it before and I'll say it again. TALK TO YOUR RHO CHI! She'd be really bored if you knew all the answers. Give her a chance to do her job.

Good Luck and let us know how everything went. You can always feel free to email me too.

[daisymargarita]

Thanks This is formal rush for LWC. DZ took too many people last semester, so they are not allowed to take anyone now. Also, LWC does have the rule that you MUST attend the pref parties in order to be eligible for snap bids.