The Psychology of African-American Success

AKA2D '91 · #1 04-09-2002, 10:06 PM

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The Psychology of African-American Success
The Internal Dialogue
by Linda Anderson, Ph.D. and Lisa Whitten, Ph.D.
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"There is in this world, no such force as the force of a {wo}man determined to rise."
-W.E.B.DuBois (1910)

Celebrating our hard won success means more than examining the role that racism and prejudice continue to play. Activists like Fannie Lou Hammer, Malcolm X, Mary McLeod Bethune, A. Phillip Randolph, and our own family members and church leaders continue to fight these forces. In addition, we need to acknowledge the battles raging within ourselves in order to create the self-affirming, self-defining statements necessary to combat the internal barriers that can prevent us from realizing our dreams. After all, as African American psychologists, we ourselves have had our personal share of self-doubt, uncertainty about the future, ambivalence, and anger about being strivers in an environment which often questions our very existence, intellectual competence, and authority. Furthermore, we hear similar statements from college students and from young professionals in our private practices. They seem to be searching for answers, for private truths that will yield emotional, spiritual and financial prosperity. For example, we hear statements like:

"If I appear too successful, others will attempt to bring me down . . ."

"This is not the real me in the suit and tie, it is only a mask I am wearing. . ."

These deeply held feelings are revealed in confidence and generally after we know the sisters and brothers for a while. We know many of them are looking to us not only for understanding, but also to sort through their feelings and thoughts about the often complicated issues associated with their changing upwardly mobile status. Kathleen White, Ph.D. a New York psychoanalyst refers to it as "social class change anxiety."

What is the imposter syndrome? How does it rob certain individuals of experiencing the pleasure and gratification associated with their achievements? How does "survival conflict," a concept researched by Lisa Whitten, Ph.D. one of the authors, manifest itself in potential high achievers? How can the "pressure to conform" by family and neighborhood culture, maintain status quo behavior and diminish creative potential. In what ways to fears, such as the fear of envy, competition, selling out, exercising authority, being visible and being revealed as an imposter inhibit optimal performance and growth?

We have found that, if the negative self-statements are not acknowledged, understood or resolved, they can lead to self-sabotaging behaviors and attitudes. These behaviors and attitudes are usually out of our awareness. Moreover, some of the negative self-statements appear perfectly rational and reasonable because they are sometimes reflected in the folk wisdom of our communities. These notions are often unquestioned and therefore accepted by many people. For example, John Ogbu, Ph.D. an anthropologist has studied barriers to achievement motivation among African American high school students, pointing to the perception that students who are "smart" are "acting white" or "think they are white."

This article explores the inner dialogue, which can assist you in moving from self-defeating thoughts to proactive self-affirming ones. This can have a tremendously positive impact on an individual's productivity, identity and self-esteem. Some of the themes which our students and clients have discussed are highlighted below.

Fear of selling out

Jerome, a 22-year-old junior account executive at a major accounting firm is concerned about being seen after work for happy hour with his white colleagues. He doesn't want to be mislabeled as a "wannabe." Sometimes, he also notices that he sounds a lot like his white counterparts, especially when he's at work, and this worries him.

Self-defeating attitude: If I reveal my desire to advance my family or friends, seek promotion, enhance my credentials, or attain the highest degree in my field, I will be criticized as "too uppity," "too white," or a "wannabe." I will be excluded from events my family and friends are having and told that I no longer belong, because I "act white, talk like I'm white, or think I'm white." These are situations that I must avoid at all costs, so I'd better just "stick with my own kind."

Self-affirming attitude: I am proud of my accomplishments because I have worked hard to achieve my goals. I will never forget the role my family a, friends and ancestors have played in motivating me. Yes, my language, style of dress and some of my values have changed as a result of my education, but I am essentially the same person, and I will never forget my roots, and the community from which I come. I accept the fact that I will identify others along the way who want to help me succeed and I will accept their help regardless of their race or culture.

Fear of Envy

Keisha, age 22, confided that she never disclosed her excellent grades or any specific information about her applications to the top law schools to her crew. She said that she felt like she had to keep her success and ambition quietly hidden, in order to protect her "rep" on campus as a "fly girl." She's always been uncomfortable about the envy she elicits from the sisters she hangs out with.

Self-defeating attitude: If I disclose too much information about my successes or ambitions to my family or friends, as well as my excitement about my intellectual/career growth, folks will resent me and try to "bring me down like crabs in a barrel."

Self-affirming attitude: I want to share my success with those who care about me. Just as I want others I care about to share their successes with me. I will have to make healthy choices about with whom I share my accomplishments. In addition, I am sensitive enough to discuss my achievements in ways that preserve the self-esteem of my friends and family who have accomplished less than I have, or who may feel competitive and/or belittled by my accomplishments. I understand that success is relative and defined in many different ways. While I may be successful in many areas, others will shine in ways I will not.

Fear of exercising my authority

Stephanie is a 26-year-old, who just started teaching at a prestigious private elementary school. She was confronted by an irate mother who disagreed with her assessment of her child's performance. Stephanie had difficulty standing her ground, even though she had plenty of evidence and knew her assessment was accurate. She wanted the parent to like her and to approve of her as a Black professional, so she withdrew the report, even though it would be better for the student to have the assessment at that time.

Self-defeating attitude: No one will take me seriously because I am viewed by others as young, Black and inexperienced. Therefore, I cannot distinguish myself in the eyes of others, cannot assert myself as a leader, and I will not be respected in the workplace.

Self-affirming attitude: Regardless of whether others immediately recognize my authority and competency, I am well prepared and capable of communicating my abilities and talents to others. When I find I need to strengthen my skills, I will seek the advice of a mentor as well as training opportunity to enhance my professional development, or ask directly for organizational support when needed.

Fear of being revealed as an imposter

Keyshon, age 18, entered his elite college freshman orientation with bravado. He was too cool! Secretly, however, he knew he didn't fit in, and didn't really belong. At any moment, he expected someone to tell him to get his bags, get on the bus and return to his old neighborhood.

Self-defeating attitude: This is only a game I am playing to "get over." Deep down, I don't really belong here. One day, the mask will come off and I will be "found out" and rejected. He's also thinking "what am I doing here with all these white people and rich Black people? I have nothing in common with any of these people!"

Self-affirming attitude: It is understandable that I might feel this way in a new environment. I accept and embrace my changing role, status and privileges associated with my success. I recognize the complexity of living as a culturally conscious African American in a racist society. I understand how my individual success is also a reflection of the collective struggle of my ancestors, and that as a result, I am poised for success, whatever door I choose to enter. I will leave my own legacy (and inheritance) behind for those who follow me. By remaining intimately connected to my culture, I can fashion a way of functioning in this environment that is productive, adaptive and gratifying.

Fear of competition

Trevor, a 21-year-old, has a 3.5 grade point average, and is 6 credits short of his B.A. in psychology. He dropped out of school, ostensibly because he had so many bills to pay, and needed to work two jobs. He would be the first in his family to graduate from college, and has been encouraged by his professors pursue a graduate degree. He's afraid that even if he did well in college, he just doesn't have what it takes to pull off a graduate degree and take out even more financial aid, so its not worth trying, and its not worth getting the B.A. His two jobs are "good enough for him."

Self-defeating attitude: Going to graduate school will only drain my resources for an uncertain future. Competing in the professional marketplace is intended for the "cream of the crop," not for me.

Self-affirming attitude: If I win and achieve great success, I will remember not only to enjoy my success, but also to understand that others will be proud of me. Investing in the future requires patience, sacrifice and commitment, but will pay off in the end. Healthy competition means that I am challenging myself to make my dreams into reality. I cannot hurt others by moving ahead. I will also enjoy serving as a role model and mentor to others.

Fear of "being too visible" (fear of looking and being looked at, seeing and being seen):

Clarice, age 33, has just been promoted to marketing manager in a Madison Ave. advertising agency. While others are encouraging her to celebrate her success, she states that she just wants to go into her office, close the door, and get her work done. While she is expected to attend public relations events, appear on television, make presentations to upper level divisions, (which means upgrading her wardrobe), and do more traveling, she prefers to delegate these tasks to her ambitious assistant, who is more than thrilled to accommodate her.

Self-defeating attitude: If I remain as quiet and invisible as possible, I won't have to let others know the fear, hurt, anger and loneliness I really feel.

Self-affirming attitude: Even though I may be shy, I will try to let others know something about me. Suffering in silence will only make me feel more isolated. I will need to focus on relaxation and enjoying my hard won success. Changing with my new position may involve learning how to identify and express my uniqueness in a way that works for me. If others notice me, maybe they will really like my emerging social self. I need to remember, it is not only hard work that is valued, but the ability to interact in a productive and engaging way.

Perhaps you recognize yourself in some of these vignettes. Many of you have already started the difficult work of enhancing your insight regarding your profile of your strengths and weaknesses. Continue your journey towards greater self-understanding through journal writing, reading, prayer, discussions with trusted friends and family, and by seeking assistance from mental health professionals. The Association of Black Psychologists, Inc., is a great source of referrals.* Contact us at 202-722-0808 or http://www.apbsi.org. Own and celebrate your success! You earned it!

-From the Black Collegian Online

AKA_Monet · #2 04-10-2002, 01:24 AM

I just love my Soror sooooooo much for posting this info!!!

I have seen myself as gradations in the described vingnettes. My critique of the author's essay is "we have to lift, as we climb" and I would add with forward, proactive and positive movement!!! I admire those who have succeeded in the midst of what seems like "failure". Also, my motivations--other than that of my Sorors--have always been in the back of my mind. I just knew I could do it and I just have to prove it to myself.

However, another critique I have that the author's essay neglected is the strong influence of the Spirit in the African American community--be it God or Allah, Jesus Christ, Buddha or the Ankh and the Metu Neter. Without my strong grounding in the Creator and Spirit, I would be nothing more than noise... Life would mean little to me without God... I think my devotion to God and Christ in prayer and supplication was and still is the main enabling and driving force for my numerous blessings. Although my heritage in my family was a strong force for my successes, it only came second to my Spirituality...

I also think that it was because our ancestors of Afrikan descent and our elders were so spiritually grounded that they truly DID succeed in civil rights, which was merely the start of dismantling racism and discrimination. Without our ancestors and some of our current enlightened elders difficult work, trials and tribulations, the current generation would truly be destituted...

I apologize for the length, however, for those persons that are contemplating the sessation of their academic, scholarly and professional pursuits, I would like to share what has perpetually kept me motivated by a traditional African American spiritual I recite when low:

I am no ways tired...

I've come too far from where I started from...

Nobody told me that the road would be easy...

But I won't believe He brought me this far to leave me...

Thank you for your time.

In the Spirit with Sisterliness,

AKAMonet
Dr. GLMoore
Ph.D. Molecular Genetics and Cellular Biology
Fall, 2001

Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.
Epsilon Xi Omega Chapter by way of
Sweet Mu Pi
Spelman College
Aesop's Fables
Spring, 1989

Honeykiss1974 · #3 04-10-2002, 04:42 PM

Unlike some of our melanin-challenged folks, a lot of AA are not molded to think that they deserve to be academically successful. Oh, we might be taught that we can be successful with a basketball or a mic in our hand, but not a book. I think a lot of young working AA's probaly can relate to the vingrettes listed. I think that a lot of us have not been taught how to work in a professional "melanin challenged" environment, without comprimising our cultural identity and without feeling inadequate.

I can really relate to Clarice. When I got my first executive position, in the beginning I was kind of shy, but I always focused on the fact that I am where I am today only because of two things: (1)GOD's grace and mercy (2) my african american elders that paved the way. Now, I am always "in the mix" of the daily business, have become eloquently out-spoken, and wear my suits everyday (and Lord knows that I get some tired of wearing stockings, but I digress). I have come to the realization that what I do, what I wear, and how I act is important. To some melanin-challenged folks, I am the only exposure to an African American that they might have.

But all that aside, I choose to "be out front" for really only one reason........BECAUSE I HAVE WORKED HARD AND DESERVE TO BE HERE!!!! .

Jody · #4 04-10-2002, 09:35 PM

Soror, that was an excellent article. I hope you will have an opportunity in the near future to engage others in this self affirming conversation in person. Flashback 94 years, this is EXACTLY why we were founded. Those with the opportunity to improve themselves academically made a committment that MANKIND was going to do well. It is so easy to get distracted as to our purpose, not just BLG's but people. Everyone has the ability to serve. Thank you for bringing it into focus.

Attending Boule?

pointNclick · #5 04-11-2002, 05:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91
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The Psychology of African-American Success
The Internal Dialogue
by Linda Anderson, Ph.D. and Lisa Whitten, Ph.D.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fear of Envy

Keisha, age 22, confided that she never disclosed her excellent grades or any specific information about her applications to the top law schools to her crew. She said that she felt like she had to keep her success and ambition quietly hidden, in order to protect her "rep" on campus as a "fly girl." She's always been uncomfortable about the envy she elicits from the sisters she hangs out with.

Self-defeating attitude: If I disclose too much information about my successes or ambitions to my family or friends, as well as my excitement about my intellectual/career growth, folks will resent me and try to "bring me down like crabs in a barrel."

Self-affirming attitude: I want to share my success with those who care about me. Just as I want others I care about to share their successes with me. I will have to make healthy choices about with whom I share my accomplishments. In addition, I am sensitive enough to discuss my achievements in ways that preserve the self-esteem of my friends and family who have accomplished less than I have, or who may feel competitive and/or belittled by my accomplishments. I understand that success is relative and defined in many different ways. While I may be successful in many areas, others will shine in ways I will not.

Fear of "being too visible" (fear of looking and being looked at, seeing and being seen):

Clarice, age 33, has just been promoted to marketing manager in a Madison Ave. advertising agency. While others are encouraging her to celebrate her success, she states that she just wants to go into her office, close the door, and get her work done. While she is expected to attend public relations events, appear on television, make presentations to upper level divisions, (which means upgrading her wardrobe), and do more traveling, she prefers to delegate these tasks to her ambitious assistant, who is more than thrilled to accommodate her.

Self-defeating attitude: If I remain as quiet and invisible as possible, I won't have to let others know the fear, hurt, anger and loneliness I really feel.

Self-affirming attitude: Even though I may be shy, I will try to let others know something about me. Suffering in silence will only make me feel more isolated. I will need to focus on relaxation and enjoying my hard won success. Changing with my new position may involve learning how to identify and express my uniqueness in a way that works for me. If others notice me, maybe they will really like my emerging social self. I need to remember, it is not only hard work that is valued, but the ability to interact in a productive and engaging way.

-From the Black Collegian Online

Wow! I see myself perfectly in these two scenarios. Because of my fear of envy (I have had women "shun" and "dis" me b4 due to my accomplsihments, etc.), I also choose to be invisible. I struggle with the "invisible" complex daily, as I have started a new senior staff position where I am getting paid a bit more than most staffers. And I am the only black female, with a grad degree, in a senior position in a 90% white organization.

What an eye-opening article. Thank you for sharing that.

pNc

ClassyLady · #6 04-11-2002, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AKA2D '91

Fear of Envy

Keisha, age 22, confided that she never disclosed her excellent grades or any specific information about her applications to the top law schools to her crew. She said that she felt like she had to keep her success and ambition quietly hidden, in order to protect her "rep" on campus as a "fly girl." She's always been uncomfortable about the envy she elicits from the sisters she hangs out with.

This one is me. I have always gotten great grades throughout high school and college. But, none of my classmates really knew how well I was doing. I didn't tell some of my "closest friends" in high school about my full college scholarship. None of them did particularly well in school and I didn't want them thinking that I thought I was better than they were.

Now, that I'm in college, a lot of people still don't know how well I'm doing. But, those are people that I'm not particularly close with. I have surrounded myself with loving and supportive people who are happy for me and my achievements.

CrimsonTide4 · #7 04-11-2002, 09:05 PM

Okay I finally finished reading the article. I can definitely relate to a multitude of these vignettes. While others in my family before me went to college, when I went to college, everyone made a HUGE DEAL of it. They make an even bigger deal of me being a teacher. Some of my cousins are still living at home and will never see past Cleveland, clubbing, kids, baby's mamas/daddies, etc. When ever I come home, I try to "blend in" (not act ignant and do the things they do) by being Carla, part of the family but more often than not I feel like I am on the outside looking in. The cousins that are my age have a different mentality than I do on a lot of things. I used to think we were raised the same way but I can see now that we were not. I kept my head in a book and while I at times was the class clown, it was more in the vein of a fear of being too visible in terms of my knowledge as well as fear of envy and selling out. When you go to an all Black high school, stuff is a little rough even being in college prep classes.

While in college, I called my former best friend just to check on her and her sister. That was 96 -- she had one son and her twin had 4 kids. Now in 2002, she has 2 and twin has 6 kids. HELL NAW Get this she told me I sounded white on the phone and her words hurt me so bad. I never would have thought that going to college and hanging would with my black counterparts, would ever make me "talk/sound white." So we got off the phone and I called random friends, boyfriend, mama/former stepdaddy and they all said I did talk white. I went off. I tried to duck and dodge it for a good little while. Then one day I accepted their label of my speech patterns. I recognized that there is a time and place for all manners of talking, code switching is what it is called. But when my own mama told me that I cried because it hurt me that the woman who raised me saw me as being white in some way. The woman who taught me how to speak correctly as best she could.

Anyway I see a lot of myself in the vignettes, as I am sure most of us do, I think. What I see that needs to happen is we need to begin with our children and our younger siblings, cousins, my students, students you mentor, etc. etc. etc. is that we need to show them that success is OUR RIGHT. It does not mean we have sold out to the man. Success means look dang it i have intelligence and ideas and goals and I want to see them come to fruition.

Last May my brother graduated from college and in that year I have wanted to stick my foot thigh deep in his ass for NOT USING his degree. It is a long story but finally he is starting to come out of his FEARS as a Black man with a college degree in a family filled with Black men who still live at home with their mothers or with girlfriend of the month.

I say all that to say our mission must become one that teaches the values of success, how to network and not feel like you are "selling out", and other essential lessons for the Black community. We are a people who has success all up in us, but that crab in the bucket mentality, self defeating attitude, etc. plagues us as well.

I am really sorry that I wrote my senior thesis today but this is a subject that hits home. I have a degree in psychology as well as English and I want to study this phenomenon more indepth.

nachural · #8 08-26-2004, 05:45 PM

Sorry Mods the link for this story is broken.

The Name Game
Can a Black-Sounding Name Hurt Your Career Prospects?

Aug. 20, 2004 — It's the first major decision new parents face, and their choice will stick with their child for a lifetime: what to name the baby. And today simple is out and variety is in, especially for many black Americans.

Watch 20/20's full report tonight at 10 p.m.
Many African-American parents say they're returning to their roots by choosing names that sound uniquely black.
For some a unique name has been an asset. For stars like Oprah Winfrey or Shaquille O'Neal or Denzel Washington, a distinctive first name can become a unique, identifiable brand, almost a trademark.
But some ordinary folks say being different is just too difficult.
Tiqua Gator says people just can't seem to get her name right. But she says her real burden runs even deeper. She's concerned about getting a better job, and sees her name as a potential handicap.
"Something that was supposed to separate you from everyone else is now at the same time hindering you," she said.
Gator has come to believe she'd have an easier time lining up a job in her chosen field of marketing if she had a plain name like Jane.
"I think that they feel that they can identify better with a Pam or Amber rather than a Tiqua," she said.
The Résumé Test
And Gator may be on to something. A recent University of Chicago study, "Are Emily and Brendan More Employable than Lakisha and Jamal?" by Marianne Bertrand and Sendhil Mullainathan, found that people with names like Pam or Amber got 50 percent more callbacks for job interviews than applicants with similar résumés and names like Lakisha and Shaniqua.
Even though the study looked at 5,000 résumés, a group of young professionals didn't quite believe the name on top of their résumés could make that big a difference. The skeptics included Carita, an attorney; Tavoria, a law student; Orpheus, an educator; Arsenetta, a statistician; Tremelle, a financial adviser; and Ebony, an M.B.A. student. So 20/20 asked the six to participate in an experiment.
20/20 put 22 pairs of names to the test — the six skeptics included.
Each person posted two résumés on popular job-search Web sites — one under his or her real name, and the same identical résumé under a made-up, "white-sounding" names like Peter, Melissa and Kathleen.
You'd think the identical résumés would get the same attention. Instead, the résumés with the white-sounding names on them were actually downloaded 17 percent more often by job recruiters looking for candidates.
"You really never know why you don't get called back for that interview. I thought it was because of my job skills, or my résumé wasn't appropriate, but I never thought it was because of my name," Carita said.
She was shocked by the calls from potential employers — not to her, but to her fictitious white counterpart. "I was just blown away that Kathleen got phone calls for three of the four weeks of the study, and I didn't get any. And Kathleen does not exist," she said.
Arsenetta also was envious of her fictitious white alter ego, Kimberly.
"They were calling her morning, noon and night," she said. "I was standing there looking at my phone going, 'God, I want to answer that phone call and tell the man I'm interested in this job!' "
Ebony felt frustrated that companies were quick to stereotype her by name. "Once they get to know me, they say, 'Oh, you know, she is Ebony but she's not that militant one or she's not that rowdy little girl or she's not the ignorant one. She's very smart and very capable of doing this job,' " she said.
What kind of companies were responsible? Our independent research found biased responses from employment agencies, law firms and even large financial corporations.
Recruiter: ‘There Is Rampant Racism’
But capable doesn't always matter. A job recruiter for Fortune 500 companies in northern California revealed an ugly secret.
"There is rampant racism everywhere. And people who deny that are being naïve," said the recruiter, who spoke on the condition her name would not be used.
The recruiter said if she were given two résumés, all else being equal, except one says Shaniqua, and the other says Jennifer, she would call Jennifer first.
It's a choice she says she was trained to make: When representing certain companies, do not send black candidates. And on a résumé, a name may be the only cue of the applicant's race.
"I think that the way that I had been taught and what has helped me to succeed in the industry is unfair," she said.
It's also racist, and, quite possibly, illegal.
That's why author Shelby Steele feels African-Americans must think long and hard before giving their children unusual or "black-sounding" names.
"It's a naïveté on the part of black parents," Steele said, "to name their children names that are so conspicuously different than American mainstream names. … It suggests to people outside that community who hear those names a certain alienation. Certain hostility."
Steele, a researcher specializing in race relations and author of A Dream Deferred: The Second Betrayal of Black Freedom in America, is essentially telling black folks, don't name your child Deshawn or Loquesha.
"Yes. … I'm saying don't name your son Latrelle. Don't do that. … He's going to live 50, 60 years in the future. Give him a break. You know, call him Edward."
Challenge the Bias, Not the Names
But sociologist Bertice Berry says there are prominent African-Americans who've overcome the stigma of a black-sounding name, including top presidential adviser Condoleezza Rice.
"We've learned to say Condoleezza. And you just can't get more ghetto than Condoleezza," Berry said.
Opera diva Leontine Pryce also overcame any stigma attached to her name.
"We hear Leontine and you think opera," Berry said, "… When they're associated with power and wealth we learn them." Berry says what needs to change is society, not black names.
But the bias against those names, it seems, starts very early. University of Pittsburgh Vice Provost Jack Daniel studied 4- and 5-year-old children and found racist perceptions were deeply ingrained at an early age.
White children had a tendency to associate negative traits with black names, according to Daniel. "Your name can hurt you," Daniel said, "but you've got to change the people who hurt you because of your name.'
So, Daniel and his wife, Jeri, rejected white-sounding names for their own children. They chose African names — Omari and Marijata. "We thought that it was really important that the assimilation process not dissolve who we were as a people," Jeri Daniel said.
The Daniels' children carried on the tradition, naming their children Amani, Akili, Deven and Javon. They see the names as a source of pride.
But some of today's black-sounding names are more about conspicuous consumption than tradition. There is a trend to name children after luxury goods, like Moet, Lexus, even Toyota.
Steele said that trend "suggests real cultural deprivation. And it's heartbreaking to hear it."
Berry feels that "There's a responsibility, when anybody names a child, to name them something that means something." But she added, "I don't think we need to tell people, 'Don't name them that, because I don't like the way it sounds.' "
Unhappy with her own name and her experience in the job market, Tiqua Gator named her son Derek to help him get by in white America. "If I was to have any more children, it wouldn't be any Tiquas or it wouldn't be any Tamikas or Aishas. It would be something common," she said. "I wouldn't want my child to go through the same thing that I've went through."

lovelyivy84 · #9 08-26-2004, 06:05 PM

This was an interesting thread. I feel like I've seen all sides on this one, but more as a spectator than anything else. I went to a predominately white school where no one bothered me or really bothered WITH me because of my color. I wasn't harassed, but no one paid attention until I was in high school and distinguished myself academically. I kept my head in the books and REALLY wasn't that attached to my peers- white or black (my best friend was Asian). As far as I was concerned, my friends were my family- they were the constant and the grounding force. My Mother is a teacher. I have three cousins who graduated from Harvard and NYU law. They all really went out of their way to teach me that the WHOLE POINT of me being where I was and who I was, was to excel. Of course the corresponding feelings that if and when you didn't excel (excel: to become a lawyer making at LEAST 100k per annum, driving a Volvo or a Mercedes, owning a condo, being married to an upwardly mobile black male by age 23) you were worthless have also stayed in my mind (I have a VERY hard time forgiving myself for messing up on ANYTHING- be it not taking out the garbage or forgetting something important at work- it all affects me equally.)

But what it really did was to alienate me from the entire mindset that what was going on in myneighborhood was cool. I was never comfortable with kids on the block, so we weren't friends. I would be friendly, but really, I would rather read a book because more often than not we didn't have anything to talk about.

Steeltrap · #10 08-26-2004, 06:17 PM

^^
I also experienced what Soror LI wrote in her last paragraph in terms of feeling alienated from other neighborhood kids because of academic achievement and how I was raised.

Kids where I came from rarely ended up in MGM/GATE classes and I was bused. I still feel like I am in a space between two worlds.

The only kids who were my real friends growing up were my neighbors -- they could put up with my eccentricities and weirdness.

nikki1920 · #11 08-26-2004, 07:13 PM

This article is definitely about me, the whole thread even..

Munchkin03 · #12 08-26-2004, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
This was an interesting thread. I feel like I've seen all sides on this one, but more as a spectator than anything else.

I feel the same way.

As bad as it sounds, I think I have this sense of entitlement that leads me to ask, "well, why should I feel bad about X, Y, or Z?"

Munchkin03 · #13 08-26-2004, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by nachural

But sociologist Bertice Berry says there are prominent African-Americans who've overcome the stigma of a black-sounding name, including top presidential adviser Condoleezza Rice.
"We've learned to say Condoleezza. And you just can't get more ghetto than Condoleezza," Berry said.

Bertice Berry is a sociologist? I thought she was a comedian! Didn't she have a talk show?

Regardless of what she is, she's right...you can't get more country than Condoleezza.

nikki1920 · #14 08-27-2004, 08:20 AM

Uh, Bertice: Condoleezza is an Italian word for "with sweetness". How is that ghetto?

lovelyivy84 · #15 08-27-2004, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Munchkin03
I feel the same way.

As bad as it sounds, I think I have this sense of entitlement that leads me to ask, "well, why should I feel bad about X, Y, or Z?"

I dont see it as entitlement, just a lack of shame over something that I don't need to be ashamed of. Why woul;d intelligence be bad? Why should I feel shame because of how I speak or sit or do whatever? It's just my way- I'm not judging anyone else's. I could care less what they think about me.