Why do some parents let their kids drop out?

[Kennedyy]

Why do some parents let their children/college student child drop out of college because they didn't get a bid? Or because they didn't get a bid from the chapter in which they're a legacy? Or because they didn't like the houses they were invited back to?

I don't get it...there's over 15 girls who left the school I go to because they didn't get a bid from the house they just thought they had to have.

I think my mom would probably beat me with a bamboo stick before letting me dropout.(kidding )

Dropping out seems like a bit of an overreaction.

[AZTheta]

In the wise words of Bill Cosby: Why is there air?

Important life lesson: you don't need to "get it", although I suspect that if you gave it more than a passing thought, you'd figure out the answer to your question. But to save you the effort, here's the primary reason: someone is suffering a loss. And that's exactly what it is for many young women who are experiencing rejection and failure for the first time. They didn't get what they wanted, or what they were told they wanted, or what they thought they wanted. It's painful, and the coping mechanisms are what they are.

I suspect that you'd be looking at this through a different lens had you actually gone through recruitment and had some first-hand experience and understanding of the entire process.

[carnation]

Why do they "let" them? These kids are almost always 18 and can do what they want. I've seen students drop out for far stupider reasons.

[TEAtime]

Different strokes for different folks. I know people who transfered schools because the sorority they were interested in wasn't represented on campus. There are a host of reasons that people make the decisions they do, why should they be judged for it if their actions don't impact anyone but themselves?

[Old_Row]

Did you know all these people personally? Did you talk to them personally before they left? Do you even know their names? If not I think you are just listening to and spreading dumb gossip that probably isn't even true and is exaggerated like when people say half the PNMs were dropped after first day or something. It isn't smart to believe and spread gossip. Try to concentrate on yourself and not what you think other people are doing and you will end up a lot happier.

[Kennedyy]

I know 4 personally. One told me through FB while the others texted me and told me to follow them on twitter/fb and to keep in touch...but I saw a few of the girls moving out of our dorms when I got back on bid day.

and I'm just curious why...but hey, I guess I'm evil for asking.

[peppermint23]

Aside from the fact that they're legal adults...

Greek life isn't for everyone. I don't think anyone should be forced into it or made to feel like they HAVE to join a chapter to get the most out of college.

That being said, I would say social rejection is difficult at any age. Maturity plays into it, but not everyone wants to compete socially. Some people have social anxiety, others are introverted and dislike being part of a crowd, and a lot of people are happy just studying and occasionally hanging out. The dues, all of the social obligations...I wouldn't judge someone for not going Greek. I think it's good for most people to rush, but part of the process is deciding "Okay, not for me."

I'd also rather have someone drop out if their heart's not in it than potentially "take a bid" from someone who wants more than anything to be Greek.

[Sciencewoman]

My mom started college in 1951. Both her freshmen year and the year she was an RA, a couple girls on her floor left school right after recruitment because they didn't get the chapter they wanted, or were released. I know this was a different era, but her take was that it was an indication of priorities...the sorority experience (in at least one case the girl was cut from her legacy chapter) was more important than the college education itself, or graduating from that particular university. She brings up this story whenever anyone in the family goes through recruitment, as a cautionary tale about keeping an open mind and putting academics first.

[HQWest]

This does still happen. The scenario that I have seen is Nancy New Member goes to Big State U. and either does not get a bid from her legacy or gets a bid, but all her BFFs from High School that go to North State U join a different NPC. Either way she's heartbroken and drops.

Twenty or thirty years ago - we went away to college to make new friends, but Nancy now has Facebook every day to remind her how much fun she is missing. Nancy convinces her parents she needs to transfer to North State U - where her BFFs will help her get a bid to SUPER SORORITY next fall. Mom and Dad go along with it in the hopes that she will at least be going to class and not upset OR Mom helps her pack telling her the whole time "see I told you, you weren't ready for Big State U."

[33girl]

What Nancy (and her dumb mom) fails to realize is that the course offerings at North State U may be poo, and she'll probably end up transferring back to Big State U halfway through her junior year so she can actually - gasp! - get a degree in the field she wants to be in.

I guess it's different if you actually liked the people you graduated with, but I can't imagine going the rest of the way through college with the same old people you've seen since you were 12. I AVOIDED several colleges for that very reason.

And if you are an 18 year old girl and you would rather live on Facebook than in real life, that's a problem that has nothing to do with a sorority.

[Kennedyy]

Originally Posted by HQWest

This does still happen. The scenario that I have seen is Nancy New Member goes to Big State U. and either does not get a bid from her legacy or gets a bid, but all her BFFs from High School that go to North State U join a different NPC. Either way she's heartbroken and drops.

Twenty or thirty years ago - we went away to college to make new friends, but Nancy now has Facebook every day to remind her how much fun she is missing. Nancy convinces her parents she needs to transfer to North State U - where her BFFs will help her get a bid to SUPER SORORITY next fall. Mom and Dad go along with it in the hopes that she will at least be going to class and not upset OR Mom helps her pack telling her the whole time "see I told you, you weren't ready for Big State U."

That makes sense! Some parents might go along with it or turn it around for her sake.

[Kennedyy]

Oh, sorry, I meant girls who drop out of school...

The girls I know dropped out and they have no plans(like cc) for this semester since it was last minute.

Not out of the recruitment process. I think it's bad to drop out of recruitment cause I've met girls from all of the houses and they're all really down to earth and cool. But to drop out of school.

The part that bothered me and it intimidated me was I went to a sorority meeting and that day was like a mock recruitment day. We went to each house and talked to the girls. Some of the girls I met in the group I became friends with. They would say things like "I can only go ____(insert sorority)." One girl specifically said "I could never accept a bid from a house other than ___." I thought it was odd since we hadn't even been to the house yet...

[greekdee]

Originally Posted by Kennedyy

Oh, sorry, I meant girls who drop out of school...

The part that bothered me and it intimidated me was I went to a sorority meeting and that day was like a mock recruitment day. We went to each house and talked to the girls. Some of the girls I met in the group I became friends with. They would say things like "I can only go ____(insert sorority)." One girl specifically said "I could never accept a bid from a house other than ___." I thought it was odd since we hadn't even been to the house yet...

You do see/hear this and sometimes family pressure and expectations are behind it. I have a neighbor whose daughter was a double legacy (via mom and maternal grandmother) to a sorority. The mom once told me that she just wanted the daughter to find the best fit but that "my mother will rear up and raise cane if she doesn't pledge our sorority." The daughter even told her mom that she didn't really see herself in the chapter...but she did indeed pledge. I don't know if she had a change of heart or just wanted to avoid grandma's conniption fit!

Most likely, though, PNMs adopt this mentality because they only want a certain chapter. It may be one they view as "top tier" and the most popular. It could be one they have friends in. It might be one they've heard this and that about, and have predetermined that they would be a good fit. These narrow minded PNMs really run the risk of being disappointed.

[Lovethesand]

3 girls from my daughter's high school went to the same out of state college. All 3 girls went through recruitment. 2 received bids to the same "top house" according to the girls. The 3rd girl, Jane, had researched and researched prior to recruitment and wanted only this same "top house". She didn't get the "top house", instead she received a bid to what she felt was a "bottom house". She didn't accept and this was the beginning of a horrible first freshman semester for her.

We hear stories of girls not getting their first, second, or even third pick. They may initially think their bid is the worst house ever but given a chance they realize "Hey, this isn't so bad. I actually like these girls. I'm actually happy." Unfortunately this girl had a difficult time watching her two hs friends so happy in their house and she felt excluded and lonely. Add homesickness, loneliness and the disappointment of recruitment and she had a very difficult first semester. She's now home attending CC and looking to attend an in-state school.

I asked a mutual friend if she thought Jane would have been happy if she had accepted the bid to the "bottom house". She said "No, Jane would always feel the house was inferior to her. That's Jane." Some girls are able to handle the rejection or disappointment easier than others. Some aren't. Maturity happens at different times for these young ladies and part of maturity is handling difficult situations.

My Debbie wanted to go to school out of state because she wanted something different and because she didn't want to go to college with the same HS people. I told her that was fine but she needed to commit to a year and give it a chance. I told her it was going to be different, she'd be homesick, etc. but give it more than a cursory chance. I think that's what's so hard for these kids sometimes - they are unwilling to give it more than a cursory chance. Some are looking for the immediate fix, the immediate glory.