How do I tell my mother I do not want to go through recruitment?

CaliforniainTx · #1 01-31-2012, 03:04 PM

This is honestly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It might seem like a petty teenage girl problem, but I love my mother so much and I know how much this means to her.
She and my grandmother are Alumnae of Delta Delta Delta at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa and my sister is an active member of Delta Delta Delta.

Over the past 4 years of high school, I have thought heavily about this. I know it's bad and I should have told her earlier but I honestly thought this feeling would go away.
Ever since I was a little girl she has told me she can't wait to be sisters and I know how proud of my sister she is for pledging DDD. We don't live in Alabama, but she is still best friends with about 7 of her sisters and every now and then they do go out to brunch together. About 2 weeks ago we met up with them and 2 of the ladies have daughters who are graduating this year like me. My mother and her friends kept going on and on about how they can't wait for us to go through recruitment together and it will be wonderful for us to all be sisters together. They kept going on and on about how now is more important than ever to being prepping and to focus more on my conversational skills etc. My mom is so ecstatic at the fact that she thinks I will be going through recruitment. I know how much this means to her but I honestly do not feel being in a sorority is for me and I think it is only something that should be done when you want it.

My mom always tells me it was one of the best decisions of her life because even to this day, she's still best friends with some of her sisters and she goes on and on about how much fun I would have and how naturally well rounded it makes you.

I know I might seem over the top about this, but I honestly cannot bare to break her heart.

How do I tell her? I feel so bad about this and I haven't even told my father how I feel because he is a SAE and he always talks about how beneficial greek life is and that it goes just beyond memories.

btw, I was accepted into Bama, Ole Miss and TCU. Naturally, growing up around Crimson Tide spirit I DO want to go to Bama, I just don't want to go through recruitment.

Help?

HQWest · #2 01-31-2012, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaliforniainTx

This is honestly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It might seem like a petty teenage girl problem, but I love my mother so much and I know how much this means to her.
She and my grandmother are Alumnae of Delta Delta Delta at the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa and my sister is an active member of Delta Delta Delta.

Over the past 4 years of high school, I have thought heavily about this. I know it's bad and I should have told her earlier but I honestly thought this feeling would go away.
Ever since I was a little girl she has told me she can't wait to be sisters and I know how proud of my sister she is for pledging DDD. We don't live in Alabama, but she is still best friends with about 7 of her sisters and every now and then they do go out to brunch together. About 2 weeks ago we met up with them and 2 of the ladies have daughters who are graduating this year like me. My mother and her friends kept going on and on about how they can't wait for us to go through recruitment together and it will be wonderful for us to all be sisters together. They kept going on and on about how now is more important than ever to being prepping and to focus more on my conversational skills etc. My mom is so ecstatic at the fact that she thinks I will be going through recruitment. I know how much this means to her but I honestly do not feel being in a sorority is for me and I think it is only something that should be done when you want it.

My mom always tells me it was one of the best decisions of her life because even to this day, she's still best friends with some of her sisters and she goes on and on about how much fun I would have and how naturally well rounded it makes you.

I know I might seem over the top about this, but I honestly cannot bare to break her heart.

How do I tell her? I feel so bad about this and I haven't even told my father how I feel because he is a SAE and he always talks about how beneficial greek life is and that it goes just beyond memories.

btw, I was accepted into Bama, Ole Miss and TCU. Naturally, growing up around Crimson Tide spirit I DO want to go to Bama, I just don't want to go through recruitment.

Help?

I think I missed something here. Why don't you want to go through recruitment? It sounds like your family really felt Greek life was beneficial to them. What is it specifically about recruitment that bothers you? Are you shy? Are you just nervous about how big recruitment is at Bama? Do you not want to disappoint your mom if DDD is not for you?

CaliforniainTx · #3 01-31-2012, 03:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HQWest

I think I missed something here. Why don't you want to go through recruitment? It sounds like your family really felt Greek life was beneficial to them. What is it specifically about recruitment that bothers you? Are you shy? Are you just nervous about how big recruitment is at Bama? Do you not want to disappoint your mom if DDD is not for you?

I really can't explain why I have no interest. I am friends with girls over at Alabama who are in sororities and I wouldn't be friends with them if I didn't think they were cool, but, for some reason I just do not feel greek life is me.
I have girl friends but, I guess since I'm an athlete and have been my whole life and I'm a major tomboy according to my parents haha, I've always been "one of the guys."

I know houses are filled with girls of different interests, career goals, personalities and hobbies, but I don't know. I guess I rather just float through college on my own.

I know competition is tough over there and I'm in a position that hundreds of girls would love to be in. All of my letters of recommendation are coming from women I grew up around and who know me personally, thanks to my mother and father. And I know girls over there because they happen to be daughters of my mother and fathers friends or they are friends of my sister. I'm thankful for the connections I have or would have if I go through recruitment but I just kind of want to float through college on my own I guess.

BraveMaroon · #4 01-31-2012, 03:25 PM

So, what specifically is it about being in a sorority that doesn't feel right? I think in order to be honest with your mom, you need to understand exactly why you're not interested yourself.

And the "it doesn't feel like a good fit" is a cop out answer, so dig deep. What is the real reason?

I'll be the first to admit, I rushed because my parents thought it was a good idea. I wasn't sold on the idea of being in a sorority, but I went through rush, and by the end of the week I was ready to pledge.

HQWest · #5 01-31-2012, 03:33 PM

I can totally understand not wanting to follow in big sister's footsteps -to want to blaze your own trail - but if this is what you want to tell your mom, it will help to have some good well thought out reasons. Bama is one of those schools where most people only get one shot at recruitment, its hard to change your mind next year.

As for not being the "type," I also was not - or am not? - the "sorority type." Grandmama gave me some money and sent me off to rush. I can tell you those stereotypes did not fit me and my sisters, but we sure had a great time together. Bama is a big place, and it could really help to have some friends by your side right from the start.

knight_shadow · #6 01-31-2012, 03:55 PM

"Mom -- I don't want to go through recruitment."

Cen1aur 1963 · #7 01-31-2012, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

"Mom -- I don't want to go through recruitment."

LOL

CaliforniainTx · #8 01-31-2012, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

"Mom -- I don't want to go through recruitment."

I think I'm looking for a softer way to tell her haha, without making her go into shock.

knight_shadow · #9 01-31-2012, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaliforniainTx

I think I'm looking for a softer way to tell her haha, without making her go into shock.

I was in a similar situation when I was in school.

My family is a military family, so my dad pushed me to join after graduation. I didn't think I would be a fit, so I tried beating around the bush so I'd spare his feelings.

That didn't work. He didn't stop pushing it until I sat down and said "I. AM. NOT. JOINING. THE. MILITARY."

You're an adult and this is your life. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Your mom will get over it eventually.

MaggieXi · #10 01-31-2012, 04:30 PM

Before you make your decision, be absolutely positively sure about this. I'm not an expert on the SEC, but if you suddenly change your mind and want to go through recruitment your sophomore year, your options may be more limited. Something that you thought you didn't want, could become something you despertly do want.

FWIW, my advice is go through recruitment. During the process you can always withdraw yourself. But at least you know that you gave it a fair chance before writing it off completely.

AlphaFrog · #11 01-31-2012, 04:53 PM

This reads a little too close to that Dear Abby letter/thread.

Old_Row · #12 01-31-2012, 04:55 PM

Go through recruitment. It may very well surprise you and if you feel the same way during it, you will know for sure it isnt for you and will be in a much better position to explain to your mother why because you tried and experienced it. Or you could walk into your legacy house and tell them you don't want to join them so they drop you. Or put them at the bottom of your first round list.

By the way, you do know that your legacy status, friends and recs do not guarantee you'll get a bid in this day and age at those schools right?

WCsweet<3 · #13 01-31-2012, 04:59 PM

Coming as someone who has always been typed as a tomboy, take a chance to be different. Why not try recruitment? Normally I wouldn't push it at all. However, I am used to a school where even Juniors have been known to get bids. It seems like Bama is kind of a one chance school when your chance is your freshman year. I just don't want you to look back and see regret.

As Maggie said, you can always withdraw during recruitment if you decide it is absolutely horrible.

lovespink88 · #14 01-31-2012, 05:48 PM

I'm not sure if GreekChat is the place to get advice on how to tell your mom you're not interesting in joining. I mean, the overwhelming majority of members here are in a GLO or are considering joining one, so I think you'll find that you're going to see a lot more people pushing you towards giving it a try then telling you how to break the news.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

SydneyK · #15 01-31-2012, 06:21 PM

I think you've gotten a lot of useful info here, and I'm not sure what else can be said. If you don't plan to go through recruitment, do your mom and her friends/sisters a favor and tell her before anyone goes through any trouble for you. If you're on the fence, commit to at least meeting all the groups before writing them all off - what have you got to lose?